Muscle's Mummy Diary ..
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russellmuscle
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Yes you read right.. lol its a big shock to us too! 
xxxx
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russellmuscle
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Well. I went for a scan today. I was 7w along but no hb. Felt a bit deflated I wasn't hugely on the excited level but was coming round and figuring out ways round stuff.
I've been given option of natural or d&c I don't think I can cope with a natural if I'm honest. It would terrify me esp having birthed two babies.
So I was to ring them back once I talked over with OH.
Obviously I'm gutted but what's meant to be will I guess.
xxx
I've been given option of natural or d&c I don't think I can cope with a natural if I'm honest. It would terrify me esp having birthed two babies.
So I was to ring them back once I talked over with OH.
Obviously I'm gutted but what's meant to be will I guess.
xxx
millielaura
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I'm so so sorry 
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Awh I'm sorry sweetie sending hugs x
sending hugs x
russellmuscle
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Thanks ladies. Just a bit numb to it all one shock to another.
I have had a natural mc and although prior to passing the baby I didn't know I was pregnant but after that I was still in shock and afterwards felt horrible knowing it had all happened down a pan? That sounds proper grim sorry if I'm upsetting anyone. But I tend to think of things really in depth and sitting about wondering and waiting then knowing what's coming is worse mentally and emotionally for me atm.
Surgery terrifies me too but it'll be hopefully a more straight forward process and I can process my feelings after. Never had any surgical intervention for this to be the first thing is scary but I'd rather the fear of surgery rather than the emotional torment.
OH just agrees I should do what I feel best atm for me. He will be there regardless.
Xxxx
I have had a natural mc and although prior to passing the baby I didn't know I was pregnant but after that I was still in shock and afterwards felt horrible knowing it had all happened down a pan? That sounds proper grim sorry if I'm upsetting anyone. But I tend to think of things really in depth and sitting about wondering and waiting then knowing what's coming is worse mentally and emotionally for me atm.
Surgery terrifies me too but it'll be hopefully a more straight forward process and I can process my feelings after. Never had any surgical intervention for this to be the first thing is scary but I'd rather the fear of surgery rather than the emotional torment.
OH just agrees I should do what I feel best atm for me. He will be there regardless.
Xxxx
MrsS15
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Claire I'm so sorry so cruel to give you a taste of this then snatch it away.
Do whatever you feel is right for you lovely. I've had a GA 4 times and it's always been fine, so try not to worry from that perspective. I hope you're as okay as can be. Thinking of you xxx
so cruel to give you a taste of this then snatch it away. Do whatever you feel is right for you lovely. I've had a GA 4 times and it's always been fine, so try not to worry from that perspective. I hope you're as okay as can be. Thinking of you xxx
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russellmuscle
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Thanks toots. Just draining really mentally.
This is second time this is happened so to speak. In a way I think atm it's easier for me to push back of mind because of work classes and the boys but once I go in I think after I'll feel crap.
I have been getting strange cm so hoping things don't start. I have been just plodding on waiting for Wednesday and I'm scared shit it'll happen at work as they don't know so then comes the explaining why I need to go home. Just not wanting that.
They will fit a hormonal coil after I asked when I could get one and she arranged for that to be done. I just can't go through all this again. I'm a strong person but it's physically draining and then mentally it's like I dunno whether I'm coming or going.
OH asked if I wanted to try. That's kind of how we had Carter. After my unexpected pregnancy then mc I felt horrid I felt empty and wanted another but that was different as Jackson was like almost 3 by that point but I don't want to try again because now isn't the best time if I was to choose. I was thankful he asked though he obviously doesn't really know what goes on in there and I don't talk much so he's probably thought I'd feel the same empty feeling. Maybe I will after wednesday but I know long term that won't last whether long term if I had another baby I'd struggle. So best option is to try avoid another pregnancy until we are both emotionally and physically (and financially) ready!
xxxxx
This is second time this is happened so to speak. In a way I think atm it's easier for me to push back of mind because of work classes and the boys but once I go in I think after I'll feel crap.
I have been getting strange cm so hoping things don't start. I have been just plodding on waiting for Wednesday and I'm scared shit it'll happen at work as they don't know so then comes the explaining why I need to go home. Just not wanting that.
They will fit a hormonal coil after I asked when I could get one and she arranged for that to be done. I just can't go through all this again. I'm a strong person but it's physically draining and then mentally it's like I dunno whether I'm coming or going.
OH asked if I wanted to try. That's kind of how we had Carter. After my unexpected pregnancy then mc I felt horrid I felt empty and wanted another but that was different as Jackson was like almost 3 by that point but I don't want to try again because now isn't the best time if I was to choose. I was thankful he asked though he obviously doesn't really know what goes on in there and I don't talk much so he's probably thought I'd feel the same empty feeling. Maybe I will after wednesday but I know long term that won't last whether long term if I had another baby I'd struggle. So best option is to try avoid another pregnancy until we are both emotionally and physically (and financially) ready!
xxxxx
MrsS15
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I'm so sorry Claire, it's so horrible to go through. I hope everything is okay until Wednesday and you can get through that day as best you can!
That was sweet of D to ask, I don't think men ever know the right or wrong thing eh. I can understand why you would have went for ttc after the m/c first time. No one could blame you if you let your heart rule again but I think you're right to give yourself some time. Your boys will heal your heart and I'm sure you'll be back ttc when the time is right for you all. Sending you huge hugs
xxx
That was sweet of D to ask, I don't think men ever know the right or wrong thing eh. I can understand why you would have went for ttc after the m/c first time. No one could blame you if you let your heart rule again but I think you're right to give yourself some time. Your boys will heal your heart and I'm sure you'll be back ttc when the time is right for you all. Sending you huge hugs
xxx
russellmuscle
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So my head was that fucked it was actually Tuesday. Went in yesterday at 12.30 got seen back of 3 and back out a few hours later.
Dunno what was worse the main event or the fact food network was showing in the waiting area for 3hr prior and I had fasted.
Procedure straight forward woke up to a tube coming out my neck which wasn't nice. Was up about and awake within the hour so came round quite quickly.
Still don't have much emotional feeling yet. I think I was more focused on the procedure I didn't stop to think what or why. I have ages after to feel crap though just glad I didn't freak out.
On bed rest today although still have uniform to gather for next week just wee odd bits of stationary and gym kit.
So that's me. Hormonal coil in situ now and hopefully the hormones will be a backup incase my body decides to expell it once more.
For now I'll be here still, no wttc or ttc for a good few year now if I can manage it.
xxxx
Dunno what was worse the main event or the fact food network was showing in the waiting area for 3hr prior and I had fasted.
Procedure straight forward woke up to a tube coming out my neck which wasn't nice. Was up about and awake within the hour so came round quite quickly.
Still don't have much emotional feeling yet. I think I was more focused on the procedure I didn't stop to think what or why. I have ages after to feel crap though just glad I didn't freak out.
On bed rest today although still have uniform to gather for next week just wee odd bits of stationary and gym kit.
So that's me. Hormonal coil in situ now and hopefully the hormones will be a backup incase my body decides to expell it once more.
For now I'll be here still, no wttc or ttc for a good few year now if I can manage it.
xxxx
russellmuscle
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In other news, wee chunk was 10m old yesterday! He's just about fully weaned. Reduced loads of bottles and now just eats same meals as Jackson obv just DF but J hasn't had mac n cheese in a while let's just say. He's fully cruising round furniture and more of late the walls lol.
Cannot believe Jackson is about to be at school in under a week. I'm dreading trying all his uniform on for fear of crying all night haha. His embroidered stuff was a quick on n off in the shop but can't wait to see it all together it'll look super smart.
Jackson has been reading some words randomly for a while and for a while I thought it was words always used alot or names or shops but last night we took turns him reading his thomas and Mr Men. I dunno why I was worried he's ready for it. I was proper amazed. I don't think I could read at 4, before school! Mind you I've always been better at English than math but he was right into his shapes for a while and numbers so thought he was more a maths but I guess we will see.
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Cannot believe Jackson is about to be at school in under a week. I'm dreading trying all his uniform on for fear of crying all night haha. His embroidered stuff was a quick on n off in the shop but can't wait to see it all together it'll look super smart.
Jackson has been reading some words randomly for a while and for a while I thought it was words always used alot or names or shops but last night we took turns him reading his thomas and Mr Men. I dunno why I was worried he's ready for it. I was proper amazed. I don't think I could read at 4, before school! Mind you I've always been better at English than math but he was right into his shapes for a while and numbers so thought he was more a maths but I guess we will see.
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russellmuscle
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Thanks sweets.
xxx
xxx
russellmuscle
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Jackson's first week at school last week so of course I have been done right in. No time to think or do much. I took the first few days off with him though as he was in half days but now in full days this week and goes to breakfast club. Hes doing super well with his homework and has made a couple friends.
I have been so proud of him, genuinely thought Id have had screaming matches in the mornings, dragging him in but hes genuinely been great. Probably maybe the fact Ive been totally reminding him whats to happen for the past few weeks beforehand.
He looked super smart on his first day all blazered up. Carter goes to my mums during the morning then OH gets them both in the afternoon. I do the school drop offs he does the pick ups - so pretty equal on that one. Actually loving having more support this time round, with Jackson OH's work werent the best hour wise but because I'm back full time they have kind of had to adjust his shifts to suit us. I think OH is loving having more input too. Its good that hes home more, I feel he missed that with J first time round. I was PT after J he was FT. Now I am FT and hes PT with the two.
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I have been so proud of him, genuinely thought Id have had screaming matches in the mornings, dragging him in but hes genuinely been great. Probably maybe the fact Ive been totally reminding him whats to happen for the past few weeks beforehand.
He looked super smart on his first day all blazered up. Carter goes to my mums during the morning then OH gets them both in the afternoon. I do the school drop offs he does the pick ups - so pretty equal on that one. Actually loving having more support this time round, with Jackson OH's work werent the best hour wise but because I'm back full time they have kind of had to adjust his shifts to suit us. I think OH is loving having more input too. Its good that hes home more, I feel he missed that with J first time round. I was PT after J he was FT. Now I am FT and hes PT with the two.
xxxx
russellmuscle
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