Hi all, after reading that it made some of you feel better writing down your sad stories i would like to write what happened to me.
On 20th August we were really excited about having our 20 wk scan couldn't wait to see our baby and find out what the sex is, as i laid there looking at our baby the sonographer was quiet took some measurements and said sorry but there's not heartbeat, it was such a complete shock as i heard the heartbeat only a few days ago, i asked if she could tell the sex but i was getting too upset by then for her to look, she made me a cup of tea while me and my husband cuddled and cried.
Having had 2 miscarraiges before at 8 and 12 wks i thought i was going to have a d&c but she explained that i had to go to the EPU and would have to give birth naturally under medical management, we went home feeling numb and i tried to get my head round what i was going to have to do.
At the EPU they told me i would have to take a pill that releases everything from the womb and come back in 48hrs to a different ward to induce me, but i was sure i could feel movements so i asked her for another scan, she told me i should be grateful for the 3 boys i have and other people cant even have children, she refused to give me another scan as they were 100% sure. As i already had spotting i took the pill and went home wondering if i had made a horrible mistake. I spent the evening reading stories on this forum which gave me and idea of what to expect.
At 6.30 i woke up in pain so we went to A&E we were shown to a cubicle and told we would go to the ward soon, the pain was getting stronger a doctor came and gave me paracetemol which didn't do anything, after a while the pain was so bad my oh spoke to the nurses who said they were waiting for a doctor as they couldn't give me anything without them and i would go to the ward soon. For half and hour i was rolling on the bed in agony begging my oh to get someone but noone would come in. At 8.30 i felt my waters pop and i gently pushed our baby out. 5 nurses came in cut the cord they told me he was a boy i looked at him and touched him he was so tiny but perfect in every way. My oh spent time with him whilst they gave me morphine and tried to get the placenta out. The sister from the ward came in and put her arm around me and i cried she told me i was supposed to have been with her.
She wrapped our gorgeous baby who we called Jamie in a blanket and took us to the ward where she and the other nurses looked after us all day. The Chaplain came who was wonderful, she blessed Jamie and prayed for him. The sister gave us book with poems, hand and foot prints and told us we can have a photo of him by the medical photographer. We went home later that day and had good and bad days after that.
Nearly two weeks later we had the funeral it was sad but again the Chaplain was so lovely she kissed the coffin like we did. We chose the song Tears in Heaven and the following poem
In a baby castle, just beyond our eyes,
Our baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who are we, to wish that you had known this world of strife?
Now, play on, our Baby you have eternal life.
At night, when all is silent and sleep forsakes our eyes
Well hear your tiny footsteps come running to our side.
Your little hands caress us, so tenderly and sweet
Well breathe a prayer and close our eyes
And embrace you in our sleep.
Feelings we will treasure,
Sometimes theyll make us sad,
Because, our little Baby
We are still your Mum and Dad.
When i got home i started to bleed really heavy and ended up being rushed into hospital where i stayed for two days, I had an infection and they gave me a d&C. Whilst i was in there i saw the same sonographer who assured me that Jamie had gone, and sometimes you can feel things which you would think are movements.
The next week was quite tough especially at night when i just wanted to hold him, but i was looking forward to the photograph so i could show everyone how perfect he was.
When we picked up the photo from the hospital we sat in the car and opened it, we couldn't beleive it, without being too graphic he had deteriorated by the time they had taken it, he looked nothing like i remembered and as its the only photo i have of him i can't show anyone how lovely he was as its too upsetting to look at.
Now i'm feeling stronger i'm quite cross at how so many things went wrong, i don't understand why they leave you after with no follow up which would of stopped me from being rushed into hospital and i'm sure its not right to give birth in A&E with no help.
I have the post mortem results tomorrow afternoon so i am going to ask a few questions then.
I'm very lucky to have lots of support from my husband, mum, dad, family, sister in laws and close friends and of course my wonderful 3 boys who keep me going.
I do feel better for writing it down.
Goodnight my angel jamie x x love you x x
On 20th August we were really excited about having our 20 wk scan couldn't wait to see our baby and find out what the sex is, as i laid there looking at our baby the sonographer was quiet took some measurements and said sorry but there's not heartbeat, it was such a complete shock as i heard the heartbeat only a few days ago, i asked if she could tell the sex but i was getting too upset by then for her to look, she made me a cup of tea while me and my husband cuddled and cried.
Having had 2 miscarraiges before at 8 and 12 wks i thought i was going to have a d&c but she explained that i had to go to the EPU and would have to give birth naturally under medical management, we went home feeling numb and i tried to get my head round what i was going to have to do.
At the EPU they told me i would have to take a pill that releases everything from the womb and come back in 48hrs to a different ward to induce me, but i was sure i could feel movements so i asked her for another scan, she told me i should be grateful for the 3 boys i have and other people cant even have children, she refused to give me another scan as they were 100% sure. As i already had spotting i took the pill and went home wondering if i had made a horrible mistake. I spent the evening reading stories on this forum which gave me and idea of what to expect.
At 6.30 i woke up in pain so we went to A&E we were shown to a cubicle and told we would go to the ward soon, the pain was getting stronger a doctor came and gave me paracetemol which didn't do anything, after a while the pain was so bad my oh spoke to the nurses who said they were waiting for a doctor as they couldn't give me anything without them and i would go to the ward soon. For half and hour i was rolling on the bed in agony begging my oh to get someone but noone would come in. At 8.30 i felt my waters pop and i gently pushed our baby out. 5 nurses came in cut the cord they told me he was a boy i looked at him and touched him he was so tiny but perfect in every way. My oh spent time with him whilst they gave me morphine and tried to get the placenta out. The sister from the ward came in and put her arm around me and i cried she told me i was supposed to have been with her.
She wrapped our gorgeous baby who we called Jamie in a blanket and took us to the ward where she and the other nurses looked after us all day. The Chaplain came who was wonderful, she blessed Jamie and prayed for him. The sister gave us book with poems, hand and foot prints and told us we can have a photo of him by the medical photographer. We went home later that day and had good and bad days after that.
Nearly two weeks later we had the funeral it was sad but again the Chaplain was so lovely she kissed the coffin like we did. We chose the song Tears in Heaven and the following poem
In a baby castle, just beyond our eyes,
Our baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who are we, to wish that you had known this world of strife?
Now, play on, our Baby you have eternal life.
At night, when all is silent and sleep forsakes our eyes
Well hear your tiny footsteps come running to our side.
Your little hands caress us, so tenderly and sweet
Well breathe a prayer and close our eyes
And embrace you in our sleep.
Feelings we will treasure,
Sometimes theyll make us sad,
Because, our little Baby
We are still your Mum and Dad.
When i got home i started to bleed really heavy and ended up being rushed into hospital where i stayed for two days, I had an infection and they gave me a d&C. Whilst i was in there i saw the same sonographer who assured me that Jamie had gone, and sometimes you can feel things which you would think are movements.
The next week was quite tough especially at night when i just wanted to hold him, but i was looking forward to the photograph so i could show everyone how perfect he was.
When we picked up the photo from the hospital we sat in the car and opened it, we couldn't beleive it, without being too graphic he had deteriorated by the time they had taken it, he looked nothing like i remembered and as its the only photo i have of him i can't show anyone how lovely he was as its too upsetting to look at.
Now i'm feeling stronger i'm quite cross at how so many things went wrong, i don't understand why they leave you after with no follow up which would of stopped me from being rushed into hospital and i'm sure its not right to give birth in A&E with no help.
I have the post mortem results tomorrow afternoon so i am going to ask a few questions then.
I'm very lucky to have lots of support from my husband, mum, dad, family, sister in laws and close friends and of course my wonderful 3 boys who keep me going.
I do feel better for writing it down.
Goodnight my angel jamie x x love you x x
