Hydrocephalus - Our baby has now been born - Birth Story on page 18

[xxsammyxx]

She was diagnosed with Hydrocephalus at our 20 week scan.... after an MRI they said there was no brain damage so far and they said that if we stay in the 60% where things don´t get any worse she will be born without any problems and be a normal baby (though will probably need a shunt) or 20% chance that the fluid will start to drain on its own... problem solved or 20 % chance it will get worse and increase... OF COURSE we are in the 20% chance of it getting worse because at todays scan 6 days later her little head has grown and the fluid as well and they said that now they hold no hope for her.

They said that if I continued to carry her that the head will be so large I will have to give birth through CS and the effect that it would have on my uterus may mean it will scar so bad that I might not be able to have any more kids and that her chances would be "not a good result"

I have been sent away with two pills to take before 4pm to stop our baby's heart and I have to go to hospital to have two vaginal pills inserted into me tomorrow at 4pm and then wait. I will give birth to my daughter either tomorrow night or Thursday.

I am so numb i cant speak, I dont know how I will ever take those two pills to stop my baby's heartbeat... to kill her. How can any mother make that decision? They said there is no chance the fluid will drain now. If it had stayed constant then it may have stayed the same or started to drain. The fact that its got worse means it will continue to get worse now.

This is the end of my pregnancy now and I don't know how i'm going to get through the next few days, hold my dead daughter in my arms and say goodbye to her for the last time.

I have no faith in God anymore and I will never Christan any of my children now he has been so cruel and taken this one from us.

Inside I am a mess... i feel dead inside and now I have to kill the baby I have carried for 23 weeks inside me as well, our little girl, in the next couple of hours... I don't know how or if I can take those tablets and wait for her to die.

 

[Tonks]

Oh hun

I am so sorry. I wish I had words that would take away your pain

 

[Sam's Mum]

Oh sammy I'm so, so sorry that things have got worse and that this is your only option I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you Thinking of you and your family x

 

[Piglet10]

omg i am soo soo sorry for you and your partner. my thoughts will be with you today. xxx

 

[ToffeePop]

Oh Sammy I am just devastated for you I'm not used to being at a loss for words but sweetie, we're all here for you, if not physically, then virtually

Trying to imagine how you're feeling is just...impossible.

Just devastated for you

 

[xxsammyxx]

I cant take the tablets yet.... I have to soon though, I only have until 4pm... what sort of time is that to have left with your baby? I feel ill, sick, dead inside.

I just cant believe this is happening to us when we started to have some hope.

The hospital of course were all heart telling us we could take her away and bury her or have her cremated.... the words just evaporated in my head and I thought it best we left at that point. Good luck he said... GOOD LUCK? Good bloody luck with WHAT? Giving birth to my daughter who will be asleep... never to wake up? Thats not GOOD LUCK!

 

[scaredmum2be]

She was diagnosed with Hydrocephalus at our 20 week scan.... after an MRI they said there was no brain damage so far and they said that if we stay in the 60% where things don´t get any worse she will be born without any problems and be a normal baby (though will probably need a shunt) or 20% chance that the fluid will start to drain on its own... problem solved or 20 % chance it will get worse and increase... OF COURSE we are in the 20% chance of it getting worse because at todays scan 6 days later her little head has grown and the fluid as well and they said that now they hold no hope for her.

They said that if I continued to carry her that the head will be so large I will have to give birth through CS and the effect that it would have on my uterus may mean it will scar so bad that I might not be able to have any more kids and that her chances would be "not a good result"

I have been sent away with two pills to take before 4pm to stop our baby's heart and I have to go to hospital to have two vaginal pills inserted into me tomorrow at 4pm and then wait. I will give birth to my daughter either tomorrow night or Thursday.

I am so numb i cant speak, I dont know how I will ever take those two pills to stop my baby's heartbeat... to kill her. How can any mother make that decision? They said there is no chance the fluid will drain now. If it had stayed constant then it may have stayed the same or started to drain. The fact that its got worse means it will continue to get worse now.

This is the end of my pregnancy now and I don't know how i'm going to get through the next few days, hold my dead daughter in my arms and say goodbye to her for the last time.

I have no faith in God anymore and I will never Christan any of my children now he has been so cruel and taken this one from us.

Inside I am a mess... i feel dead inside and now I have to kill the baby I have carried for 23 weeks inside me as well, our little girl, in the next couple of hours... I don't know how or if I can take those tablets and wait for her to die.

so sorry to hear what your having to go through i'd be devasted to i dont think id be able to even do it, my thoughts are with you and your family. No one deserves this. Were all here for you when you need a chat. x

 

[Mervs Mum]

You're in my thoughts.

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

i'm so sorry hun xxxx

 

[Mamafy]

I have no idea what to say You and your family will be in our thoughts

 

[becks20]

I am so sorry to hear this! I cant begin to imagine what your going through. You have alot of support here. My thoughts are with you x

 

[rakrak]

oh hun...no words I could say could even take a tiny bit of pain away from you right now but just letting you know that we are all here for you. you & your partner are in my thoughts xxx

 

[xxsammyxx]

I have asked OH to call the neurologist... she has 20 years experience and studied the MRI results... I want to hear it from her that there is no hope, that they cant bring her out earlier with some chance...

 

[bearsmummy]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you!

 

[ToffeePop]

Sammy I don't understand why they didn't keep you in in the hospital and help take the burden from you on this, as well as giving a bit of a chance. I hope your OH finds some inner strength and helps to support you, lovely It must be horrific what you're both going through I just wish there was something that could be done to help you both through this

 

[xxsammyxx]

Nobody can call us until tomorrow morning.... I dont know why they cant bring her out now... i am nearly viable. If i take the pill she will be born dead anyway, why cant we give birth to her now and give her a chance and drain off the fluid. They said she has no brain damage right now, why not give her a chance?

OH is going mad... he says that if she is brain damaged he will not stick around and its all over, that i'm gambling with his life as well. Why wont someone give her a chance?

Am i just in denial... is there some hope? They said that they wont do that until 26 weeks when im viable but its 24 weeks in the UK and i have read a case of a baby being born at 23 weeks and she is alive and healthy, all be it, it was a right journey and touch and go for the parents but im prepared to take that chance... am i wrong to do so?

 

[Tonks]

Can you leave it to tomorrow morning hun until you've spoken to someone? I think it is reasonable to ask if you can deliver early in these circumstances. Some chance is better than none. I realise they wanted you to take the tablets before 4pm, but they cannot be upset if you postpone it until you've spoken to someone properly.

 

[Mervs Mum]

You cant base a decision THIS important on the opinion of a sonographer. No disrespect but a sonographer is someone with a radiologists degree plus 18 months sonography training. As doctor, and more importantly a consultant neurologist has 3 or 4 times more training and you yourself said the one you have seen has 20 yrs practising experience.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Who gave you the tablets? It all just seems like a rush job to me.

 

[xxsammyxx]

Can you leave it to tomorrow morning hun until you've spoken to someone? I think it is reasonable to ask if you can deliver early in these circumstances. Some chance is better than none. I realise they wanted you to take the tablets before 4pm, but they cannot be upset if you postpone it until you've spoken to someone properly.

OH is on the phone to them now... i cant understand why they cant TRY something... maybe im in denial... hanging onto every last small glimmer of hope but while she is kicking inside me who is to not say she wont survive and be ok? To take the pills is final... no chance. I cant do that right now... God i feel like my head is going to explode with all the worry, upset and stress. Its a nightmare.