Hi all
Just wanted to do a little post explaining what happened last week, more for me than anything else as it will be the first time I have been able to put my thoughts down.
As you know I have had problems since 22 weeks when my waters went, then it was spotted that he was "small for dates" as at 22+5 he was measuring 20-21 weeks. They now say he had IUGR (cause unknown, although the premature rupture of membranes would have made it worse). I was admitted to hospital and given steroid shots at 25+6 when my waters gushed again as I was showing signs of preterm labour, although we managed to hold on. I was taken to Birmingham City Hospital as they have an NICU there, but our little darling just kept fighting on and staying tucked in inside my tummy so we were allowed home at 27 weeks.
We were told all along that the hospital were just hoping we would reach 28 weeks as then our baby would stand a much better (95%) chance of surviving. It seemed like such a long way off from 22 weeks but we made it! That week I was still bleeding lightly, losing fluid everyday, having tightenings a lot of the time and baby didn't move lots but the hospital weren't worried because it had been happening for so long and baby was still happy.
However on Saturday I felt different. All symptons were the same but I just felt... wrong. I had felt him move at around 10a.m but he then went quiet for the rest of the day. This didn't worry me too much because he often had quiet days and when we heard his hb on the doppler it was spot on - 150ish with frequent accelerations etc.
Even still I decided we ought to head to the Maternity Ward just to get checked as we knew how careful we had to be. Within a couple of mins of being on the CTG his HB had dropped from 160 to 40bpm. It was so scary! All of a sudden there were docs and midwives around my bed asking me to take bottoms off, doing a scan (where you could count the beats of his heart it was so slow) and going an internal to check I wasnt in labour (Cervix was closed). They said baby's only chance was a C-Section but that with his prematurity + all other problems it didn't look good. We said straight away to do it anyway, no question in our minds we just wanted to save our baby.
I was rushed to Theatre and JP was left in the recovery room. He must have been so scared and alone, atleast I was asleep. Our little darling was born a few minutes later at 20:45 - 40 mins after we had first arrived on the Ward. He was rushed to SCBU where his apgar scores at 1 and 5 mins were both 2/9. His HB would not pick up and he couldn't breathe for himself. They inserted breathing tubes but he was suffering from Respiratory Distress Syndrome (RDS) and no matter how hard they tried they could not stabilise him. Our little angel lived for an hour before he went to sleep. He tried so very hard but he was just too small and his lungs too premature.
I remember waking up and trying to ask how baby was but all that would come out was a whisper and all I could say was "Baby?". JP took my hand and told me that we had had a little boy, and that he hadn't made it. All I said over and over was "Girl, Ellie" because I thought there must have been some mistake as we were having a girl so maybe she was ok afterall, he must have got mixed up.
JP brought Casey to me, my memories of this are very hazy but we have lots of pictures (approx 400 in total since he was born) so I can work things out from them. I remember trying so hard to hold him but I kept slipping out of consciousness so JP had to hold him by me. We stayed in recovery with him for quite a while before they moved all three of us to a private room. The staff were brilliant and I'll never be able to thank them enough for what they did for us. I know that JP's post explains much of the rest of those three days so I'll leave it there now. Just had to get my thoughts down.
Casey's funeral is on Thursday at 10a.m. We will be bringing him home in a moses basket the night before and we shall be taking him to the crematorium ourselves. We have decided to keep his ashes and we are going to let them go on a little Island called Herm (Just off Guernsey) as this is a very special place to us.
Casey is so beautiful and perfect and he will be with us in our hearts and a big part of our family forever xxx
Thank you so much for all the support you have given us, I may not have posted but I have been reading the forum and it has given us both strength.
Just wanted to do a little post explaining what happened last week, more for me than anything else as it will be the first time I have been able to put my thoughts down.
As you know I have had problems since 22 weeks when my waters went, then it was spotted that he was "small for dates" as at 22+5 he was measuring 20-21 weeks. They now say he had IUGR (cause unknown, although the premature rupture of membranes would have made it worse). I was admitted to hospital and given steroid shots at 25+6 when my waters gushed again as I was showing signs of preterm labour, although we managed to hold on. I was taken to Birmingham City Hospital as they have an NICU there, but our little darling just kept fighting on and staying tucked in inside my tummy so we were allowed home at 27 weeks.
We were told all along that the hospital were just hoping we would reach 28 weeks as then our baby would stand a much better (95%) chance of surviving. It seemed like such a long way off from 22 weeks but we made it! That week I was still bleeding lightly, losing fluid everyday, having tightenings a lot of the time and baby didn't move lots but the hospital weren't worried because it had been happening for so long and baby was still happy.
However on Saturday I felt different. All symptons were the same but I just felt... wrong. I had felt him move at around 10a.m but he then went quiet for the rest of the day. This didn't worry me too much because he often had quiet days and when we heard his hb on the doppler it was spot on - 150ish with frequent accelerations etc.
Even still I decided we ought to head to the Maternity Ward just to get checked as we knew how careful we had to be. Within a couple of mins of being on the CTG his HB had dropped from 160 to 40bpm. It was so scary! All of a sudden there were docs and midwives around my bed asking me to take bottoms off, doing a scan (where you could count the beats of his heart it was so slow) and going an internal to check I wasnt in labour (Cervix was closed). They said baby's only chance was a C-Section but that with his prematurity + all other problems it didn't look good. We said straight away to do it anyway, no question in our minds we just wanted to save our baby.
I was rushed to Theatre and JP was left in the recovery room. He must have been so scared and alone, atleast I was asleep. Our little darling was born a few minutes later at 20:45 - 40 mins after we had first arrived on the Ward. He was rushed to SCBU where his apgar scores at 1 and 5 mins were both 2/9. His HB would not pick up and he couldn't breathe for himself. They inserted breathing tubes but he was suffering from Respiratory Distress Syndrome (RDS) and no matter how hard they tried they could not stabilise him. Our little angel lived for an hour before he went to sleep. He tried so very hard but he was just too small and his lungs too premature.
I remember waking up and trying to ask how baby was but all that would come out was a whisper and all I could say was "Baby?". JP took my hand and told me that we had had a little boy, and that he hadn't made it. All I said over and over was "Girl, Ellie" because I thought there must have been some mistake as we were having a girl so maybe she was ok afterall, he must have got mixed up.
JP brought Casey to me, my memories of this are very hazy but we have lots of pictures (approx 400 in total since he was born) so I can work things out from them. I remember trying so hard to hold him but I kept slipping out of consciousness so JP had to hold him by me. We stayed in recovery with him for quite a while before they moved all three of us to a private room. The staff were brilliant and I'll never be able to thank them enough for what they did for us. I know that JP's post explains much of the rest of those three days so I'll leave it there now. Just had to get my thoughts down.
Casey's funeral is on Thursday at 10a.m. We will be bringing him home in a moses basket the night before and we shall be taking him to the crematorium ourselves. We have decided to keep his ashes and we are going to let them go on a little Island called Herm (Just off Guernsey) as this is a very special place to us.
Casey is so beautiful and perfect and he will be with us in our hearts and a big part of our family forever xxx
Thank you so much for all the support you have given us, I may not have posted but I have been reading the forum and it has given us both strength.
