Our beautiful Uthman 39w4dys, silently born to us on 24 June

asma

Active Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
37
Reaction score
0
:cry: I know i dont start this happily but i know he is in a better place, in the heavens.

Two of my sisters and one of my cousins had just had their babies, now everyone was just waiting for me, but nobody could expect what was to happen next.

On Monday 23 June i was a bit anxious in the morning as baby hadnt moved at all since the previous day, so i told my husband that i think we should go down to the day unit to get checked out. I phoned advice line and they told me to come down straight away.

We waited in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. The midwife called us and took us down to a room. She took out the monitoring machine to check me and asked me how far i was, which was 39weeks and 4days. She was putting the small part on my tummy, but there was nothing there, she looked really worried and i knew something was wrong. She said we should go and do a scan, so she walked us down, my husband was really scared and so was i. I laid down as she prepared me for the scan, as she had a look on the screen, she looked worried and suddenly switched off the machine, then she turned to us and said - 'Asma, i'm really sorry but it seems that your baby has died' :shock: . I couldnt believe what she had just said. My husband quickly held me close to him as we both started to cry, we couldnt believe what had just happened, how? why? So many questions, yet no answers, i was in shock.

They took us into another room and told us to wait till the doctor came to see us. As the midwife left, we just held each other and couldnt stop crying. I phoned my sister and told her i was at hospital, she thought i was joking but then realised something was wrong when i burst out crying, i told her the had passed away inside me, she said she was on her way and put the phone down. Everything was happening as if it wasnt real, and i kept saying to my husband, 'this cant be real, it just cant'. My sister came a while later, with my mum, when they came the hugged me and i cried so hard, we couldnt understand what had happened.

The doctor then came in and told me that they would have to induce as i wstill have to give birth to him :cry: . She also said they would be taking bloods from both of us and testing to see if they could find the cause. She asked if i would like a post mortem, i said no, as i couldnt let them cut him up, that would kill me, but they understood. I had to go back on the wednesday at 8 to have the last of the medication, 3 of which are orally, and one vaginally.

When we went home, my dad was there and as soon as he saw me, he broke down, and i couldnt hold it in either :cry: , then he held me, i needed that so badly.

As i had been given one tablet i started to feel cramps, so i phoned the delivery suite who said to come in. When i went in i could hear the crys of babies, and it hurt so much because i wouldnt hear my baby cry, but i knew his soul had gone to the heavens and he was there playing with the angels, i had to be strong, for him and my husband.

Nothing happened that day, so my husband and i tried to get some sleep, but we couldnt as we knew we had alot to do yet, i kept feeling my tummy and i kept saying 'me and your dad love you very much and we will never forget you'

On tuesday the doctor had been round to see me, and she said that rather than wednesday, they'd induce me that day :shock: , so i was a bit taken aback but said ok, as i knew i had to get past that hurdle. My other three sisters who live at least 2 hours away drove in, to support me, it was so sad, but they were there for me, and my faith helped me too. I prayed that things would be easy and that would be able to be strong.

The midwife didnt really come in much to check up on me, so i felt really isolated. At 6pm i started getting contractions every 2-3mins and they were lasting40-45 seconds. As i didnt take any pain relief, the pain was getting unbearable but i knew i had to do it, for us all. I still kept hope that, i would hear him cry and he'd prove everyone wrong, but that wasnt the case :cry: .

At11pm the pain got so excruciating but i still hadnt had my show, but i felt like something was pushing down, all of a sudden my waters broke, i felt so scared at that moment cos there was no midwife, ad my poor husband didnt know what to do, he ran outside to get the midwife but they didnt take much notice, so he ran to the bottom of the corridor shouting for our midwife, he was desperate as he was panicking :( . All of a sudden i felt the need to push and i knew he was coming, when the midwife came in, she said i dont need to push, but as they hadnt been checking up on me, they dint know i was fully dilated :shock: . So as she checked me, she looked at me in a bit of shock and said 'oh my god, you do need to push' my husband kept kissing me and he kept telling me how proud he was of me, it hurt so bad, but i knew i had to do this even though it seemed impossible, i kept pushing with each contraction and he was silently born to us at 11.35pm Tuesday 24 June, as he came out the midwife sighed and said 'this was the cause to all your problems'. The cord was wrapped around his neck 4 times and once around his arm :cry: .

I'm not saying this because he was my son, but he was so beautiful, as she wiped him down, my husband wept into my shoulder but i just kept looking at him and sayin 'look how gorgeous he his, he's like his dad', the midwife gave him to us and he was gorgeous, i kept kissing him and touching him as i was in awe of him, he was ours, so beautiful. We kept him throughout the night, in our arms, cos we wanted to cherish every minute, i didnt think about what was ahead because i wanted to forget all that at that time. My husband said to him 'we will always love you more than anything, you will always be more special than anyone'. I kept looking at them and thinking - use will always be my boys. We named him Uthman as my husband always loved that name. As i held him, i kept saying how much i loved him, and i knew i was going to miss him. We arranged the funeral for that day, he was so tall, like me, that we had to cut the feet off the babygro that we put on him, it was newborn. he looked so beautiful in it, i'll never forget how he looked. The hospital gave us a small moses basket to take the baby home in, he looked so beautiful in it. When we got home, our family was all there waiting for us, everyone was so upset, but they were all in awe of him, they couldnt believe how beautiful he was. He was buried on the Wednesday at 2;15pm, he went to heaven.

We will never forget him, and his memories will stay with us till our last breaths.
 
Hi hun,

I'm not a big poster on this forum, but couldn't read and run on this one. There's nothing I can say at all as I cannot even start to contemplate how you must be feeling, but I am so very sorry for your loss. As you say, your gorgeous little one is in a far better place and he too will always love his mummy and daddy. It really brings everything home and while I am sat here, grumpy cos I am tired and little one is keeping me awake, it makes me realise how lucky I am. It's not often I'll sit here and cry but I am not ashamed to say I currently have lots of tears streaming down my face.

You obviously have a great support network around you both, so I hope you all pull together at this horrific time and get each other through it.

Love and hugs x
 
Oh! :( Im so speachless :hug: im sat here in tears right now. im so so very sorry honey :cry: . i know words cant mean much after what you have been through but your so brave and strong and im so sorry for your loss, i couldnt begin emagine what your going through :hug: :hug: :hug: bless you and beautiful baby Uthman! my thoughts are with you and your family. keep strong babe im here if you ever need to PM me xxxxxxx
 
i am so sorry for your loss, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

sandi
 
Hun I dont know what to say Im so sorry for your loss :hug: :hug:
 
So, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Bless your Angel. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
O Asma :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know your heart must be breaking and my heart goes out to you. I know nothing I say can take away the pain you are feeling, but please know I am thinking of you and your family and little Uthman.

You were and are so brave and strong and my heart really is breaking for your loss. I'm sitting here crying and just aching for you.

You sound as if you have a wonderful family who are supporting you and I do hope you are able to find some comfort in that.

My thoughts are with you all.
 
:shock: :shock:

Im so sorry for your loss.

I hope you can continue drawing on the strength of your family.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
thats so terrible, i cant imagine what ur both going thru, words cant say how sorry i am xxxx
 
:cry: Asma i am so sorry for your loss, i can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: You and your family are in my thoughts.
 
I am so sorry for your loss hun :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am pleased that you have a really supportive family around you at this sad time.

Xxx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
473,572
Messages
4,654,626
Members
110,015
Latest member
cerysssss
Back
Top