Ttc shit boat - long term ttcers

[Blueflower]

In my experience there is a difference. At the local clinic, the male consultant was the one I just mentioned, all my positivity went out of the window after seeing him whereas DH came out feeling praised! The female consultants there were much more encouraging and positive, focusing on my egg reserve, health and appearance rather than chronological age. It made such a difference, they didn't give me false hope but were encouraging. The doctors at our local hospital kept on about my age, both male and female and the staff at the GP surgery only gave us DH's count info, they cut the other info off the printout until the hospital requested it!! At this new hospital we've only seen a male consultant, he is younger, enthusiastic and only mentioned my age in terms of the successful egg collection and fertilization. He is also a male fertility expert haha!

When we first started having tests I felt like getting a t shirt made to wear to appointments saying "Yes I am over 35, it wasn't my choice to 'leave it so late', don't make me feel any worse.'!

 

[Unicorn]

That's amazing Unicorn! We still drink a bit, after 4 years we'd go mad denying ourselves everything and still no baby!
Our original consultant kept telling DH his sperm was marvellous whereas I was over a certain age. Bloody Boys Club!

I completely agree Blueflower, and with the amount of heroin addicts and alcoholics who get pregnant at the drop of a hat I think it is more important to allow ouselves what we want (within reason) and be relaxed than trying to inforce some strict regime on our bodies! I think he just felt like it was something he could contribute as he was struggling seeing me being poked and proded all over the place for something which means just as much to him as it does to me! xx

Although, having said that, being a scientist he has read every bloody medical journal relating the fertility and has now decided that alcohol is really detrimental to both of our fertility so has enforced being teetotal on me as well xx

 

[Rosey74]

So what tests can they do on us "older ladies" to see if we have healthy eggs etc etc, ive not embarked on that yet. I did mention to my boyfriend perhaps he should get his semen tested which he was all up for (although he is a bit younger than me!)

 

[Blueflower]

The AMH level is the most useful I think as it tests egg reserve. A baseline scan is also good as they can see how many follicles you have that could potentially contain eggs.

 

[Syd43]

I had my AMH level tested a few months ago as that looked to be the most useful test. Got a very good result but the scan to look at follicles wasn't so good. They couldn't even see one of my ovaries due to a large fibroid I didn't know I had...

 

[Rosey74]

Thanks, its something I may look into

 

[kittykitchn]

Ah, September... This time last year was a week before my cycles and periods went haywire and 18 months since coming off contraceptives. Blissfully unaware and thinking Id have a newborn in my arms at this time this year. Seriously, what the fuck? And where has the time gone? How can every day feel like a week, but pass so quickly looking back.

 

[phonixgirl]

This time six, and then again two, years ago I thought we would be on our last holiday as a couple! Haaaa! Xxx

I have had my AMH done too. Something that was actually good.

 

[Blueflower]

Same! Its almost boring having yet another holiday just the 2 of us! It's all very nice having nights out and time to ourselves and we really appreciated it in the short term but when do we get to teach a little baby to swim and build sandcastles with our children and be a proper family like everyone else?

 

[phonixgirl]

Awwwww. Yes, it would be lovely. We were talking about buying a new car yesterday too and DH said it would have to be a 'family' car with five doors so it would be easy to get kids in and out... I thought that last time we bought a car (in 2009!). Like you say, spending time together and being able to spend money on ourselves is all well and good but it's just not what we want anymore. All my friends have children now. Sometimes I wonder if I was just not meant to be a mum. Xxx

 

[Blueflower]

Same again! I had to get a new car 3 1/2 years ago and my sister persuaded me to get one with 5 doors for ease of car seats etc. Wish I'd got the smaller one with the sunroof! Mine will have worn out before we have kids!

I think that too sometimes, even though I've always wanted a family and am good with children, maybe there's some reason I don't have any? Mind you if anyone says "maybe its not meant to be" I go mad and say "how can you say that? What am I meant to do instead?????!"

 

[phonixgirl]

Me toooo. I am good with children, love my friends' kids and even trained to be a teacher (couldn't do that either lol, due to epilepsy and the stress). DH was feeling low about it all the other day and asked what's the point in us even existing if we can't have kids. I couldn't answer him. It is sooo upsetting and you just go about trying to hide it all as much as possible. Xx

 

[Erinesque]

We've been trying for three years now, with the last two months on Clomid. I had an excellent response to the Clomid, but it still failed last month, and we're trying again this month, but I am not getting my hopes up again. I can't do that, it's too painful.

When my sister found out she was pregnant with her third child, someone at church congratulated me for being an aunt for the third time, and I broke down, I could barely stand, and then she said "well, maybe you can just help other people's kids! That'll make you feel better!" I tried explaining to her that that made it worse, but she couldn't understand, so now, I just keep it all to myself.

 

[xMillie]

Hello I've not introduced myself to this thread (hopefully I'm welcome don't want to butt in)
Me and my OH have been TTC for 2 years 6 months now!!
Probably not as long as some of you here but it's definately a struggle!

I was wondering about whether you talk to family/friends about the struggle of TTC?
I've not told my parents or OHs but they both often hint at the fact they want grandchildren so we know they would be ok with it lol.
Today OHs parents were round and the conversation got to be something about the population in the UK and OHs mum said 'it's so easy for people to get pregnant though.'
I was just sat there thinking *if only*
Now I'm wondering if we should be talking to them about our struggles hmmm.

 

[phonixgirl]

Erinesque - how insensitive! They obviously have no idea how it feels.

xMillie - initially we told nobody. I didn't really mind if people knew or not but DH was adamant nobody knew so we kept it to ourselves. However, as time has gone on I have found we have had to tell most people something. I opened up to my best friend, mum and sister quite early on - I was having a lot of prolonged bleeding and didn't know what was causing it, so that's how I started telling them. When they found polycystic ovaries on the scan, I told my mother-in-law this and that we would probably never have children. This is also what I have told colleagues (I need to say something to stop them from asking when I will have children).

Not everyone knows I have PCOS (was only given a proper diagnosis a couple of months ago) - eg people I used to work with, relatives we don't see often etc but are still friends on FB. The first couple of years everyone kept asking "when's your turn?" but after a certain length of time they give up. I don't know if they assume you are having fertility issues or just don't want children. Nobody ever says that anymore, thank goodness. Xx

 

[xMillie]

Thanks for the reply


I'm unsure whether we wait until we know what's wrong with me or just mention it anyway and not even sure how to bring it into conversation when we do!
Can't wait til we finally get some answers. Currently all we know is that it's my fault as OH did the SA and the results were all fine. He's got to go through it all again though as some one lost the results and they won't carry on with my tests until they know he's ok.

 

[Unicorn]

What tests are you having done xMillie?
I'm an open book, so can't keep anything from anyone! I especially find that if I don't share something as all consuming as ttc I can't relate to people! Although it's difficult to deal with everyone else's expectation as well I figure they would be there anyway and I couldn't handle the presumption that we weren't trying because we weren't pregnant yet or the insensitive comments!
Following really traumatic test results and an operation etc I found the support of my friends and family really helpful xx

 

[phonixgirl]

When I was having tests, I did say I was having 'investigations'. Some people probed a bit too much so I said they didn't know what was wrong but were checking my hormones regularly etc and looking for underlying issues as my symptoms indicated I may have had a hormone imbalance (I wasn't told this, just kind of knew from Googling). I told others, in addition to this, that my issue wasn't life threatening but it was unpleasant and there was no way I would be able to get pregnant with things how they were. Again, nobody actually said that but I just knew and it proved to be true... xxx

 

[xMillie]

Hi Unicorn, thank you for the reply
HSG and an Ultrasound.
It might be worth talking about it with them then to avoid anything that might upset me I guess.


phonixgirl, I'm really sorry for all your issues hun. I don't even have answers yet and I already feel like it's impossible!

 

[phonixgirl]

Thanks sweet. Yes, I think talking about it (even if you avoid the specifics with certain people) would help and stop them saying things that could upset you. X