Ttc shit boat - long term ttcers

[Lavinator]

I think men just have a completely different way of handling things. Maybe not all men are the same but my OH said the other night that he does not understand why I get upset as it's not real. There's no baby there, we've not miscarried and he doesn't understand why I get down occasionally as we've only talked about having a baby, that's all. I told him that we talked about having a baby 2 and a half years ago but since then we have been actively trying. The pain I feel is a loss for something I can't have but his brain functions differently. He can't feel a loss for something he has never had. I don't think it will feel real until we have a physical baby in our arms whenever it may be

 

[Ragdoll]

Kitty a friend of mine has the same issue, her other half was smoking as well as vaping before and during her pregnancy (they conceived by a stroke of luck after a couple of years trying) . He attempted to give up but did not try hard enough , and she was there doing everything possible to ensure fertility/a healthy baby. Now the baby has been born she worries he will just smoke and then handle the baby which she doesn't want ! I really hope your other half realises that you are doing the lions share to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby, is there an online forum for men so that they can have stuff explained in their language? If so that might help when he realises that his part is just as important as yours !

From my end of things , a mixed bag this week- a colleague who has suffered from endometriosis has told me she is expecting- very pleased for her ! Unfortunately on the other side of that coin my manager whose happy news I shared previously told me there was no longer a heartbeat and that she had to attend the hospital to be 'flushed out' - I was devastated for her , I had no words , I sent some flowers to her to show that I was there to support her should she need anything but I literally did not know what to do with myself ! I convinced myself that as she was past the 12 week mark she would be okay. Such sad news.

As for me- HSG will be next month and polyp removed as well, consultant will refer for IVF sometime in October , I just need to be patient.

 

[millielaura]

Oh no Ragdoll that's so sad . It's so heartbreaking to get to that 12 week mark and assume everything will be okay and then to lose the baby . She must be devastated

That's good news about the referral really hope time goes quick for you!!

Sorry hope no one minds me posting in here now I have a bfp!??. Not got it on my ticker or anything I don't think . I definitely do not feel out this boat yet, a long way off it after previous losses. Hope that's okay! I still feel in ttc mode because I feel like the scan will be bad news and then we will have to face ttc again. Tri1 just terrifies me!!

And I agree men just do not get it! At all! My OH is the same. Xx

 

[phonixgirl]

I don't mind Millie, and sometimes we need positive stories ��

Ragdoll, that is so, so sad. A manager at my work had a miscarriage too but nobody knew she was preg so it was presumably before 12 weeks. After that point must be awful. We were surprised to hear she was preg actually as she was always more into her animals (she didn't ask how I was after my grandpa died, nor how a colleague was after her mum was dying of cancer, but she actually cried when told someone's dog died...).

I have thought about it (you do after so long trying) and think I would leave it a long time before 'announcing' it. Maybe tell parents after two months or so and close friends after three or four. I will tell work colleagues when I begin to show. Don't think I would put it on FB.

At this rate though, I don't need to worry about any of that lol.

 

[millielaura]

I thought I wouldn't dare announce a pregnancy till past 4 or 5 months as four years ago I had a m/c at 14 weeks but then I've kind of thought to myself something can happen at anytime and I don't want to have to hide it again if something happened and just put a smile on. So after our 8 week scan if all is well I am just telling everyone then. Too hard to hide sickness etc.

Have people thought about what they will sort of say when they announce? I've been thinking for the past year, I am going to mention to friends that we have struggled ttc. Otherwise I think I would flip at the questions like "was it planned" etc.

Has anyone already told friends about struggling? I told my parents who didn't understand the want for treatment etc and said they would "just adopt". And a few close friends but I have had some very insensitive comments!! Xxx

 

[Lavinator]

I think I will hold off announcing until as late as possible.

I have only told siblings and one of my friends. All but one couple have been supportive. Only my partners brother in law has come out with some insensitive comments

 

[Ragdoll]

Phonixgirl- very strange behaviour ! You would think that hardships would make someone even more sympathetic towards others !

Millielaura- I don't mind at all ! It gives us all hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel . I have personally told everybody- work colleagues, family and friends so that I don't have to face the Spanish Inquisition if I'm having a bad day! Plus people have been much more understanding and supportive.

I find it disgusting when people come out with insensitive comments- they have no idea how damaging they can be. My ex partner said the most awful things to me and thankfully I woke up smelled the coffee and got out of there !

 

[phonixgirl]

My parents know and think my in-laws know too. I have told a few friends - increasingly more as time has gone on. Most people I work with happen to be female and they know I have PCOS (also that I struggled to get a diagnosis) and I have told them I will probably never get pregnant because of it. So, if it happens, pretty much everyone around me will know it has been a huge struggle that we never thought possible. X

 

[Unicorn]

I'm like an open book so tell everyone everything, I can't help it! And after the shock of finding out that I only have half a uterus and thinking that I may never carry to term I was so devastated that I needed my friends and family around me for support. Has your OH had a sperm test Kitty? xx

 

[kittykitchn]

I'm like an open book so tell everyone everything, I can't help it! And after the shock of finding out that I only have half a uterus and thinking that I may never carry to term I was so devastated that I needed my friends and family around me for support. Has your OH had a sperm test Kitty? xx

Yeah, they wouldn't refer us unless he had two samples done. They're ok, high count, lower end of average motility and morphology - apparently the high count kind of evens everything out. Could certainly be improved on though!

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh, not Mr perfect then eh!

 

[Blueflower]

The only problem with high count and low morphology or motility is that conception is like a very crowded marathon where the good runners have to fight their way past loads of disabled or drunk ones! When my DH realized that he started taking the vitamins etc!

 

[kittykitchn]

The only problem with high count and low morphology or motility is that conception is like a very crowded marathon where the good runners have to fight their way past loads of disabled or drunk ones! When my DH realized that he started taking the vitamins etc!

Very well put! Unfortunately the GP and consultant have told him they're perfectly fine and shouldn't be a problem so he chooses not to see past that. He won't believe anything else. I need to show him scientific literature stating what you've just said! Xx

 

[Unicorn]

Hubby had a semen analysis in January and had high count but low morphology so he decided to completely stop drinking and hasn't touched a drop of alcohol in about 4 1/2 months. He's got another test next week so it'll be really interesting to see if there has been any improvement xx

 

[kittykitchn]

Hubby had a semen analysis in January and had high count but low morphology so he decided to completely stop drinking and hasn't touched a drop of alcohol in about 4 1/2 months. He's got another test next week so it'll be really interesting to see if there has been any improvement xx

I will be very interested to see those results! I guess there's not much more I can ask him to do. He takes his vitamin, eats Brazil nuts, diet is ok, switched to decaff coffee, has maybe one beer a week if any at all, and "apparently" doesn't vape anymore. Ideally he wouldn't drink at all, wouldn't drink coke, would eat more veg - but he's made it very clear he's making an effort and if he wants one beer, he should be able to have one beer as a 33 year old. Fair enough, I guess (still annoys me though!) Xx

 

[Blueflower]

That's amazing Unicorn! We still drink a bit, after 4 years we'd go mad denying ourselves everything and still no baby!
Our original consultant kept telling DH his sperm was marvellous whereas I was over a certain age. Bloody Boys Club!

 

[kittykitchn]

That's amazing Unicorn! We still drink a bit, after 4 years we'd go mad denying ourselves everything and still no baby!
Our original consultant kept telling DH his sperm was marvellous whereas I was over a certain age. Bloody Boys Club!

Do you think there's a difference between female and male medical professionals when it comes to fertility? Do you think male consultants "favour" the husbands/partners and put more pressure and blame on the women?
I highly doubt it (hope anyway), just something that popped into my head

 

[millielaura]

You may be right kitty as our private male consultant was always adament Robs sperm is fine even with the low mobility and motility. Our female nhs one said it may be a problem as the good ones will have to fight through the bad and immobile ones and means not a lot will actually be good quality. I put him on co-enzyme q10, royal jelly, bee propolis, and l-arginine and that helped a bit. The last couple months ironically he has been awful!! 5 cups of coffee a day, a pint of cider every night (he never usually drinks). Thank god he took those supplements for a bit!! Also these last couple months we have been dtd every 3 or 4 days. We were doing it every other day or every day. So that as well as the supplements has obviously helped even with the hindering effects of caffeine and alcohol so I would think it was actually making a difference beforehand and his sperm was making a negative difference. I did feel the male consultant played it down a bit. He did say they were low but said he imagines it's all okay. Wish more focus was put on them!! Xx

 

[Unicorn]

Hubby had a semen analysis in January and had high count but low morphology so he decided to completely stop drinking and hasn't touched a drop of alcohol in about 4 1/2 months. He's got another test next week so it'll be really interesting to see if there has been any improvement xx

I will be very interested to see those results! I guess there's not much more I can ask him to do. He takes his vitamin, eats Brazil nuts, diet is ok, switched to decaff coffee, has maybe one beer a week if any at all, and "apparently" doesn't vape anymore. Ideally he wouldn't drink at all, wouldn't drink coke, would eat more veg - but he's made it very clear he's making an effort and if he wants one beer, he should be able to have one beer as a 33 year old. Fair enough, I guess (still annoys me though!) Xx

Sounds like he's doing pretty well to me Kitty xx

 

[Unicorn]

That's amazing Unicorn! We still drink a bit, after 4 years we'd go mad denying ourselves everything and still no baby!
Our original consultant kept telling DH his sperm was marvellous whereas I was over a certain age. Bloody Boys Club!

I completely agree Blueflower, and with the amount of heroin addicts and alcoholics who get pregnant at the drop of a hat I think it is more important to allow ouselves what we want (within reason) and be relaxed than trying to inforce some strict regime on our bodies! I think he just felt like it was something he could contribute as he was struggling seeing me being poked and proded all over the place for something which means just as much to him as it does to me! xx