Saw this & thought of you!!!!
You know when you are a teacher when...
You can spot incorrect grammar and spelling a mile off.
You know all of the top children's TV shows.
You can make up games on the spot.
You realise there are never enough pencils/gluesticks/scissors in the world.
You see a child misbehaving in the supermarket you automatically give them "the glare".
You have perfected "the glare" which turns any child to stone.
You find yourself clicking at blank pages hoping this will make a child's work magically appear.
You are immune to the smell of farts and urine.
A social life was a thing you used to have.
You know the life story of every single child in your class, and can recognise them all from the back of their head.
Wine is essential to help you mark books.
You have programmed yourself to say "my love" or "yes darling" instead of "you fucker".
In the same way, you automatically say "oh sugar" when something goes wrong.
You dread notes from parents.
You dream of decorating displays.
The word OFSTED or OBSERVATION sends blind panic through your system.
Weekends are spent planning for next week, holidays are spent writing reports.
You can't remember the last time you blow dried or straightened your hair.
You get excited in Hobbycraft!
You can maintain a straight face in ANY situation.
You soon realised that although school hours are 8.30-3.30, your day begins at 6am and finishes at 10pm.
Stupid names of children in your class become the norm to you.
Also, you realise some names you will never name your own children, due to experiences with children who have that name!
Tea and Coffee are your life.
The staffroom is your sanctuary.
Packed lunches are a part of daily life.
You want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
You also want to stab any person who says the following with a compass "Teaching? That's just about learning how to write on a whiteboard right?"
You know what all the "must haves" for children are right now.
Knowing it's all about the blag.
You know everything there is to know about Jacqueline Wilson books.
You can sense misbehaviour without actually seeing it.
The sound of the photocopier haunts you in your sleep.
You don't know whether to laugh or cry when someone says "Teaching? That's a 9-3 job! You're so lucky!" - FUCK OFF!
When a lunchtime supervisor/helper/ta comes into your class to complain openly about them, you find yourself saying "OH dear, how sad" in an overly dramatic way!
You say things once, then repeat them, then ask if everyone understands what you are saying, before repeating again.
Your writing is now always joined up!
You know at least 5 different methods of doing multiplication (not including a calculator)
You secretly love it when a child in your class has a birthday - sweeties!
You get fed up with different news reports everyday from politicans telling you how to do your job - why don't they spend a day in a school for a change?
You find yourself using cliche teacher phrases that you swore to yourself you would never use - e.g. "pens down, arms folded, eyes front." "I'm sorry Reece, you clearly have something more important to say/be doing than concentrating on my lesson" "tuck your shirt in" etc etc
You find yourself pleading with supermarket cashiers for more vouchers for schools: "Can I please have your unused vouchers? You see I teach at..."
You start the beginning of each new term with a full set of stationary, only for it to go missing within a week. Therefore next time you write "MR/MS X" on everything, only to find this doesn't work either.
When you are out shopping in the town of your school you are greeted with at least five cries of "Hi Miss/Mr!!"
The people you work with (aka the students) are obsessed with finding out what your first name is.
You are familiar with the following abbreviations; SMT, TA, HLTA, MA, EAL, MFL, ICT, DT, NQT, QTS, SEN, GCSE, CGFS, NNS, NLS, NC, AS, SATs, HoD, HoY... and if you teach sex ed STD
I thought it would be hard enough arranging child care for the 6 weeks we have
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