Sorry for going AWOL

LouiseB

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Hiya ladies,

I'm really sorry that i went awol, and i know i've missed some pretty big updates - i was thinking of you all but just couldn't face the forum and things.

I've had a really crappy couple of weeks. They've been really hard and life at home was pretty rocky for a while and i just didn't have any motivation or anything positive to say.

Firstly, my SIL is pregnant. She got pregnant when i should have got pregnant with my ICSI - we would have had practically the same due date - so not only do i get to see her experience it i'm feeling a bit like my baby will be an afterthought when i do get pregnant. She takes up a lot of the inlaws time with her one child and there'll be constant comparisons... i just could have done without it.

Then i fell out with my parents. They didn't know i'd fallen out with them, but i had. It's hard to explain but i feel it's a very one sided relationship with them at times and i'd had enough of feeling let down and manipulated. I'm ok with them now but it was upsetting.

Also, i had my review consultation and it was awful. She didn't give a shit about the efforts we were making, she just said all we can do is try again and if the same happens then it's donor sperm. Apparently they are doing the most they can do with ICSI. It was just very hopeless and negative... she just kept going on about donor sperm.

She also added into the mix that even if hubby's sperm improves - they don't knwo for sure my eggs aren't buggered...

So me and hubby spent several days arguing because he is against donor sperm. The whole issue is marriage ending stuff really. I've always wanted kids, nothing wrong with me, jumping through hoops to try and get hubby his babies and then he wasn't willing to let me have my babies if the worst happens.

I just wanted to know it was a two way street and our efforts to have a famly wouldn't end at him.

I just broke down. Told him if he wasn't going to try for me, i wasn't going to try for him and i wasn't doing ICSI anymore. If he couldn't get me pregnant naturally that i'm out of here. I got rid of all my ttc/icsi/pregnancy stuff.

In the end he realised it wasn't fair and said he'd do anything so that he wouldn't lose me, so i was relieved. I mean, we're still several tries away for even thinking about that but it was important to know at the end of the day i'd still get a family one way or another.

I just felt so bogged down that even after the dust settled on everything, it took time for me to get over it... so here i am, i've got some catching up to do :)
 
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oh louise! you really have had a time of it :hugs:

I'm glad things are improving for you and hubby has realised whats important

I think i told you before about my SIL and BIL who have had ICSI 4 times (3 x mc), they have just moved onto donor sprem and its taken them alot of councilling to finally get there, they have just been through 1 IUI with the donor sprem but it was unsucessful they will have another with drugs before moving onto ICSI as thats whats required from the NHS here. they have been great with us about my pregnancy but they know we have had a struggle too.

When is your next appoitment now?

We missed you here :hugs:

xxxx
 
Oh Louise, I'm sorry you have been dealing with all this, I understand keeping away from the forum when you have so much else on your mind, I really hope that you and your husband can work things out, you are both under a hell of a lot of stress, I really hope it doesn't come between you, sending you lots of positivity to help you cope with everything that's going on, its hard that you are having to watch your sil go through her pregnancy, I don't really know.what to suggest there apart from keeping your distance from her for now, just to relieve the tension, :hugs: xx
 
Hugs x x x x x


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Awwww Louise what a crappy week , that was hard to read never mind to have had to live it . Sending you a masive hug x
 
Sorry your having a shitty time hun, were all here for you xx
 
Sorry you are having such a crap time lou :( :hug: what brilliant timing for your SIL to get pregnant :mad: Glad to hear hubby is being more supportive now - but hope it doesn't come to that and your next cycle works perfectly :hug: xx
 
I still feel the need to reply on here lol, but you know I'm there for you all the way :hug: xxx
 
Blimey Lou you really have been dealing with a whole load of shit storms :hugs:

You dont need to apologise to us, we were just really worried about you and wanted to make sure you were ok.

I hope you and hubby are abl to work through this, I cant even begin to imagine how difficult it must be. I still have a lot of faith in you having a succesful IVF cycle and getting yours and hubbys bubba.

Take care of yourself hunny xxxx
 
Awww thanks girlies, i'm glad everyone seems to have come on leaps and bounds these last couple of week :good:

grouphugg.gif
 
:hugs: it's got to be ur turn for some good luck soon xxx

Glad to see u back hunny xxx
 
MASSIVE hugs honey! So sorry you have had such a shit time! Good to have you back!
 
hey huni! good to see u back and sorry uve had a rough time! xxx
 
omg where did you fing the group hug????
Lou im so hAPPy to see you back and im sorry things have been so crap i wish i had magic words like you normally do. all i can say is we are all here for you hun xxx
 
Happy to see you back Lou, so sorry you've had such a shit time :hugs: xx
 

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