Hiya ladies,
I'm really sorry that i went awol, and i know i've missed some pretty big updates - i was thinking of you all but just couldn't face the forum and things.
I've had a really crappy couple of weeks. They've been really hard and life at home was pretty rocky for a while and i just didn't have any motivation or anything positive to say.
Firstly, my SIL is pregnant. She got pregnant when i should have got pregnant with my ICSI - we would have had practically the same due date - so not only do i get to see her experience it i'm feeling a bit like my baby will be an afterthought when i do get pregnant. She takes up a lot of the inlaws time with her one child and there'll be constant comparisons... i just could have done without it.
Then i fell out with my parents. They didn't know i'd fallen out with them, but i had. It's hard to explain but i feel it's a very one sided relationship with them at times and i'd had enough of feeling let down and manipulated. I'm ok with them now but it was upsetting.
Also, i had my review consultation and it was awful. She didn't give a shit about the efforts we were making, she just said all we can do is try again and if the same happens then it's donor sperm. Apparently they are doing the most they can do with ICSI. It was just very hopeless and negative... she just kept going on about donor sperm.
She also added into the mix that even if hubby's sperm improves - they don't knwo for sure my eggs aren't buggered...
So me and hubby spent several days arguing because he is against donor sperm. The whole issue is marriage ending stuff really. I've always wanted kids, nothing wrong with me, jumping through hoops to try and get hubby his babies and then he wasn't willing to let me have my babies if the worst happens.
I just wanted to know it was a two way street and our efforts to have a famly wouldn't end at him.
I just broke down. Told him if he wasn't going to try for me, i wasn't going to try for him and i wasn't doing ICSI anymore. If he couldn't get me pregnant naturally that i'm out of here. I got rid of all my ttc/icsi/pregnancy stuff.
In the end he realised it wasn't fair and said he'd do anything so that he wouldn't lose me, so i was relieved. I mean, we're still several tries away for even thinking about that but it was important to know at the end of the day i'd still get a family one way or another.
I just felt so bogged down that even after the dust settled on everything, it took time for me to get over it... so here i am, i've got some catching up to do
I'm really sorry that i went awol, and i know i've missed some pretty big updates - i was thinking of you all but just couldn't face the forum and things.
I've had a really crappy couple of weeks. They've been really hard and life at home was pretty rocky for a while and i just didn't have any motivation or anything positive to say.
Firstly, my SIL is pregnant. She got pregnant when i should have got pregnant with my ICSI - we would have had practically the same due date - so not only do i get to see her experience it i'm feeling a bit like my baby will be an afterthought when i do get pregnant. She takes up a lot of the inlaws time with her one child and there'll be constant comparisons... i just could have done without it.
Then i fell out with my parents. They didn't know i'd fallen out with them, but i had. It's hard to explain but i feel it's a very one sided relationship with them at times and i'd had enough of feeling let down and manipulated. I'm ok with them now but it was upsetting.
Also, i had my review consultation and it was awful. She didn't give a shit about the efforts we were making, she just said all we can do is try again and if the same happens then it's donor sperm. Apparently they are doing the most they can do with ICSI. It was just very hopeless and negative... she just kept going on about donor sperm.
She also added into the mix that even if hubby's sperm improves - they don't knwo for sure my eggs aren't buggered...
So me and hubby spent several days arguing because he is against donor sperm. The whole issue is marriage ending stuff really. I've always wanted kids, nothing wrong with me, jumping through hoops to try and get hubby his babies and then he wasn't willing to let me have my babies if the worst happens.
I just wanted to know it was a two way street and our efforts to have a famly wouldn't end at him.
I just broke down. Told him if he wasn't going to try for me, i wasn't going to try for him and i wasn't doing ICSI anymore. If he couldn't get me pregnant naturally that i'm out of here. I got rid of all my ttc/icsi/pregnancy stuff.
In the end he realised it wasn't fair and said he'd do anything so that he wouldn't lose me, so i was relieved. I mean, we're still several tries away for even thinking about that but it was important to know at the end of the day i'd still get a family one way or another.
I just felt so bogged down that even after the dust settled on everything, it took time for me to get over it... so here i am, i've got some catching up to do
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what brilliant timing for your SIL to get pregnant 
