Please tell me what you think I should do. LONG POST!!
- Thread starter pigletpoo
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DONT GIVE IN. Have a think back to all the 'good' times that you've had together, I bet there arent many that didnt end in a row of some shape or form. And dont stick up for him, me ex nearly killed me one day (and I mean that literally) yet because I'd started the argument (when I found out he'd been seeing someone else for 2 years but he was denying it) I ended up back with him for another 10 months - BIG MISTAKE, 
you will be a great mum and believe me you will be much happier in the long run.
you will be a great mum and believe me you will be much happier in the long run.
Hiya Piglet,
I have to agree with everyone else I'm afraid. Staying with a man like that is not good for you or your baby. It will eat away at your self confidence and identity until there is nothing left.
Leave him, have your baby and use your family for support. If he wants to see the child then you can arrange access rights, etc. But no way should you be together unless he has a massive change of personality.
K.xxx
I have to agree with everyone else I'm afraid. Staying with a man like that is not good for you or your baby. It will eat away at your self confidence and identity until there is nothing left.
Leave him, have your baby and use your family for support. If he wants to see the child then you can arrange access rights, etc. But no way should you be together unless he has a massive change of personality.
K.xxx
pigletpoo said:
Hun sorry to be so blunt but please wake up to the fact that he is a no hope loser who does not deserve to let his baby have his surname.
Does he have anything to do with his other son? does he pay maintenance? visit regularly?
'he isn't that bad' if he REALLY thought ANYTHING of you he wouldn't cheat and come back as and when he pleases, and he certainly wouldn't say his friends are more important than you, and say that it will be his house, his money, his rules - sorry but that is a disaster waiting to happen
will he let you out with your friends? or will he end up keeping you locked in the house... once you are in this relationship in this way it will be a whole lot harder to get out of it.
How about letting him read all the comments here? i bet he wouldn't give two stuffs.
Please come back to reality and stop starting to defend him which you are!
glitzyglamgirl
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im so sorry youve been through all this, 3 years is a long time and can make you see things differently to someone on the outside so I understand why you are confused.
I was with a man like this for 10 years.
Im going to tell you something he done to me because your guy sounds so so much like my ex, it might be something he is capable of.
When our 2nd daughter was due, actually I was almost 2 weeks overdue, my ex had a visit from this german girl he had been writing to. He insisted they were just good friends, but told me not to phone him or contact him in any way while she was there (we never lived together). I asked him what to do if I went into labour should I contact him then and he said no. I ended up on my knees crying and beggin him not to do this to me, that I needed him with me if I went into labour, and he said the reason I shouldnt contact him is because I might disturb them in bed together. I was dumbstruck and couldnt understand how he could do this. He ended up agreeing not to sleep with her incase I went into labour and needed to contact him, but I was never to stop him from doing what he wanted again as I had no right to try and own him.
The stupid thing about all this was that once my daughter was born, he insisted on her middle name being that of the german girl. I stupidly agreed.
That was just one of many many reasons why I should never have been with him and was the last straw, we split up for the final time when that baby was just 6 months old.
I used to say to people "but hes not all bad, we have some good times, when hes nice hes really nice, hes such a good father blah blah blah" and you know what I really believed it.
He was a selfish, manipulative control freak. A complete tosser. But he manipulated me so much that I believed that the good times made it all ok.
It didnt and it doesnt, NO-ONE desreves to be treated with such dis-respect.
I really hope you can see what a destructive relationship this is hun, it doesnt matter if there are good times and you think he would be a good father, none of it matters when he can then be so damn nasty and selfish.
You deserve to be happy, and you will move on in life and eventually meet someone who really makes you happy, like I have, someone who respects you and your child and wants to make you happy not control you!
Please dont let it go on for as long as I did
I was with a man like this for 10 years.
Im going to tell you something he done to me because your guy sounds so so much like my ex, it might be something he is capable of.
When our 2nd daughter was due, actually I was almost 2 weeks overdue, my ex had a visit from this german girl he had been writing to. He insisted they were just good friends, but told me not to phone him or contact him in any way while she was there (we never lived together). I asked him what to do if I went into labour should I contact him then and he said no. I ended up on my knees crying and beggin him not to do this to me, that I needed him with me if I went into labour, and he said the reason I shouldnt contact him is because I might disturb them in bed together. I was dumbstruck and couldnt understand how he could do this. He ended up agreeing not to sleep with her incase I went into labour and needed to contact him, but I was never to stop him from doing what he wanted again as I had no right to try and own him.
The stupid thing about all this was that once my daughter was born, he insisted on her middle name being that of the german girl. I stupidly agreed.
That was just one of many many reasons why I should never have been with him and was the last straw, we split up for the final time when that baby was just 6 months old.
I used to say to people "but hes not all bad, we have some good times, when hes nice hes really nice, hes such a good father blah blah blah" and you know what I really believed it.
He was a selfish, manipulative control freak. A complete tosser. But he manipulated me so much that I believed that the good times made it all ok.
It didnt and it doesnt, NO-ONE desreves to be treated with such dis-respect.
I really hope you can see what a destructive relationship this is hun, it doesnt matter if there are good times and you think he would be a good father, none of it matters when he can then be so damn nasty and selfish.
You deserve to be happy, and you will move on in life and eventually meet someone who really makes you happy, like I have, someone who respects you and your child and wants to make you happy not control you!
Please dont let it go on for as long as I did
angiemum2b
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Oh hunni, I'm sitting here reading that and want to just give you a massive hug
I agree with the other girls really don't let him get close enough to hurt you or your baby.
I think you'll be so much better without him, you have your family living close to you I think aslong as you have your family just be strong and don't go back.
He doesn't seem like he even wants a serious relationship if he's cheated on you like that, a ring is just a ring if there isn't any love and kindness and trust behind it!
X x x x
I agree with the other girls really don't let him get close enough to hurt you or your baby.
I think you'll be so much better without him, you have your family living close to you I think aslong as you have your family just be strong and don't go back.
He doesn't seem like he even wants a serious relationship if he's cheated on you like that, a ring is just a ring if there isn't any love and kindness and trust behind it!
X x x x
Pigletpoo I really feel for you I am sure you are trying to do the right thing.
Please don't be tempted to weaken in your resolve or forgive him. Your OH doesn't deserve your devotion or your second chances. I'm afraid he'll keep mis-treating you all the way if you do let him back into your life.
Stay strong and focus on your baby. You don't need your ex to make you a good mother. You can do that all by yourself.
I am sure you are trying to do the right thing. Please don't be tempted to weaken in your resolve or forgive him. Your OH doesn't deserve your devotion or your second chances. I'm afraid he'll keep mis-treating you all the way if you do let him back into your life.
Stay strong and focus on your baby. You don't need your ex to make you a good mother. You can do that all by yourself.
pigletpoo I think the obvious difference between you and him in this 'relationship', is you saying you KNOW what you've done wrong (though to be honest, it appears 99% him), I fear he NEVER will see ALL he's done wrong, and that's why things WON'T change, and he isn't making you happy otherwise you wouldn't have posted here, I hope everyone's replies have helped empower you're thinking that maybe he isn't the man for you, depspite whatever getting back together scenarios have happened in the past.
Very best wishes
I do hope whatever you decide, you are happy 
"God Grant Me The Serenity
To Accept The Things I Cannot Change
Courage To Change The Things I Can
And The Wisdom To Know The Difference"
Thanks again everyone. I can't believe the response I got to this post, I didnt really expect one at all!
It seems that I gave him the get out he was looking for, as I still havn't heard off him since that text I sent. So maybe I havn't got to worry about it anymore anyway.
I'm meeting a good friend of mine for a long chat on Thursday, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm keeping my chin up, and i will be ok. Thanks again everyone.
Piglet xx
It seems that I gave him the get out he was looking for, as I still havn't heard off him since that text I sent. So maybe I havn't got to worry about it anymore anyway.
I'm meeting a good friend of mine for a long chat on Thursday, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm keeping my chin up, and i will be ok. Thanks again everyone.
Piglet xx
Happybunny
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I can't believe i missed this, you poor thing piglet.
I really understand why you are confused...think of it like a drug addiction....it feels good for a short while, but has LOADS of devastating side effects. You are hooked becasue you remember the good times....but you have to break contact completely and go cold turkey to get rid of this nasty bloke. There will be times when you will feel softer towards him...get a mate to help you so that they can make sure you don't phone or text him in a moment of weakness.
You and your baby deserve so much more....it is not acceptable, EVER, for a man to be violent towards his parnter, even if you are arguing. He will not make a good dad, he is already one and sounds like he doesn't give a stuff.
I know things will be trickier for you because you have a baby on the way...but you are strong and don't need this loser!!
good luck honey, Mr Wonderful will come along in time and he will love you unconditionally...except nothing less.
M
xxxxx
I really understand why you are confused...think of it like a drug addiction....it feels good for a short while, but has LOADS of devastating side effects. You are hooked becasue you remember the good times....but you have to break contact completely and go cold turkey to get rid of this nasty bloke. There will be times when you will feel softer towards him...get a mate to help you so that they can make sure you don't phone or text him in a moment of weakness.
You and your baby deserve so much more....it is not acceptable, EVER, for a man to be violent towards his parnter, even if you are arguing. He will not make a good dad, he is already one and sounds like he doesn't give a stuff.
I know things will be trickier for you because you have a baby on the way...but you are strong and don't need this loser!!
good luck honey, Mr Wonderful will come along in time and he will love you unconditionally...except nothing less.
M
xxxxx
Im sorry but no matter what good points you may have ghad all those bad points should never of happened, this guy is worthless and dosnt deserve you! please get away from this loser! I feel so sorry for u babe ur so besotted that you cant see past it. 
I feel so sorry for u babe ur so besotted that you cant see past it. pigletpoo said:Thanks again everyone. I can't believe the response I got to this post, I didnt really expect one at all!
It seems that I gave him the get out he was looking for, as I still havn't heard off him since that text I sent. So maybe I havn't got to worry about it anymore anyway.
I'm meeting a good friend of mine for a long chat on Thursday, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm keeping my chin up, and i will be ok. Thanks again everyone.
Piglet xx
He is now showing his true colours. Time with your friends and a good girlie chat will do you the world of good.
I had a dream about him last night. I dreamt that i bumped my car in to the back of a green audi convertable on a country lane, and the driver of the audi was a big bloke who had a right go at me and said I had to pay £150 even though there was no damage. Next thing I was at the garage and the bloke was still shouting at me, then Jamie (OH) appeared and gave me a big hug. He asked what was going on and I told him and he kissed me on the top of my head and went to find the nasty bloke. He had a right go at him for daring to upset me, and stood up to him even tho the nasty bloke was a lot bigger than him! Then the nasty bloke backed down and I was able to drive away. It was so real. I'm crying again now!
The truth is, if OH had stuck up for me he would wait till we had left the scene then have a go at me himself for getting myself into that situation in the first place! He didnt stick up for me very often, but the tmes that he did were the times i loved him the most.
Maybe I brought some of it on myself. I didn't ever trust him when we got back together, I tried but would always get paranoid and upset. He used to go out with his mates every friday and I was never allowed to go to that particular town with him becasue he said I embarressed him. (I did get drunk once and fall out with him in public becasue he told me an ex girlfriend had just walked past and grabbed his bum while he was talking to me). And when I go off on one, I go off big time. But he knew that and used to wind me up on purpose by eyeing girls up then having a go at me if I got annoyed.
He always said he gave his son up for me, and I did say to him that we couldnt be together if he continued to have contact with the boys mother. She was a bit of a nutter (or so I was told) and she had lied to him about being pregnant by him and pretended she was going for an abortion. She would text him all the time saying she loved him and wanted him back, and I couldnt bear the thought of him going round there to her every week, as i was convinced he had slept with her while we were together. (According to his dates she would have been 17 weeks pregnant when she was going for an abortion becasue he slept with her just before we got back together- I dont think so) And he always said that I would NEVER be allowed to meet her or his son. So when he suggested getting her out of his life for good, I agreed as I seriousley thought it was our only chance of having a future together.
But since that day, every time we had a row he would say "I GAVE UP MY SON FOR YOU!"
But he didn't did he? Because his son couldnt have meant that much if he can now give up on me and his new baby after making such a big "sacrifice" ?
I am waffeling now. I hate these pregnancy dreams, they are so real and can really get you thinking.
Piglet xx
The truth is, if OH had stuck up for me he would wait till we had left the scene then have a go at me himself for getting myself into that situation in the first place! He didnt stick up for me very often, but the tmes that he did were the times i loved him the most.
Maybe I brought some of it on myself. I didn't ever trust him when we got back together, I tried but would always get paranoid and upset. He used to go out with his mates every friday and I was never allowed to go to that particular town with him becasue he said I embarressed him. (I did get drunk once and fall out with him in public becasue he told me an ex girlfriend had just walked past and grabbed his bum while he was talking to me). And when I go off on one, I go off big time. But he knew that and used to wind me up on purpose by eyeing girls up then having a go at me if I got annoyed.
He always said he gave his son up for me, and I did say to him that we couldnt be together if he continued to have contact with the boys mother. She was a bit of a nutter (or so I was told) and she had lied to him about being pregnant by him and pretended she was going for an abortion. She would text him all the time saying she loved him and wanted him back, and I couldnt bear the thought of him going round there to her every week, as i was convinced he had slept with her while we were together. (According to his dates she would have been 17 weeks pregnant when she was going for an abortion becasue he slept with her just before we got back together- I dont think so) And he always said that I would NEVER be allowed to meet her or his son. So when he suggested getting her out of his life for good, I agreed as I seriousley thought it was our only chance of having a future together.
But since that day, every time we had a row he would say "I GAVE UP MY SON FOR YOU!"
But he didn't did he? Because his son couldnt have meant that much if he can now give up on me and his new baby after making such a big "sacrifice" ?
I am waffeling now. I hate these pregnancy dreams, they are so real and can really get you thinking.
Piglet xx
glitzyglamgirl
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Of course that dream makes perfect sense, your pregnant and probably feel vulnerable and its natural to feel that way. Your dream suggests you want him to take care of you and be a loving partner, but in reality you know there would always be a flip side ie his having a go at you. Also the car is significant as this can usually mean a control issue, ie if you are driving you are in control, or have a desire to be in control, but then something happens that is out of your control (the crash) and you want youe ex to come to the rescue and you want him to take control.
I have run dream workshops before, helping people understand thier dreams, and the best tool is to right everything down, but in high details - right down everything from colours of peoples clothes to sounds, smells, how you feel in the dream and how it makes you feel remembering it. Include every little detail even if it seems irrelevant, and right it in first person ie "I am driving a car...etc"
If you want to do this I can then have a look at if for you, its up to you, the dream does speak for itself really so you may not need to but its up to you hun
I have run dream workshops before, helping people understand thier dreams, and the best tool is to right everything down, but in high details - right down everything from colours of peoples clothes to sounds, smells, how you feel in the dream and how it makes you feel remembering it. Include every little detail even if it seems irrelevant, and right it in first person ie "I am driving a car...etc"
If you want to do this I can then have a look at if for you, its up to you, the dream does speak for itself really so you may not need to but its up to you hun
I believe our dreams are very powerful insights into our subconsious thoughts. There's a lot we can learn from our dreams (although I am first to admit I'm not that brilliant at translating them!).
I've had a lot of vivid dreams during this pregnancy too. Although when I am happiest and content in my relationship with my OH I don't get them... which is interesting
Try not to let the dream get you down. Take the positive from it and realise this is a time of change for you. You are bound to get a bit bogged down with all the stuff going round your head at times.
I've had a lot of vivid dreams during this pregnancy too. Although when I am happiest and content in my relationship with my OH I don't get them... which is interesting
Try not to let the dream get you down. Take the positive from it and realise this is a time of change for you. You are bound to get a bit bogged down with all the stuff going round your head at times.
OverTheMoon
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The best advice I've ever been given was 9 years ago when I was in a similar relationship to you. A friend said to me...
"Evaluate the amount of time you spend happy in your relationship, against the amount of time you spend upset/stressed/disappointed. Anything less than 50% happy, and you should walk away. "
This is what finally gave me the courage to walk away (well run away actually and call the police but thats another story!).
Be strong and good luck xx
"Evaluate the amount of time you spend happy in your relationship, against the amount of time you spend upset/stressed/disappointed. Anything less than 50% happy, and you should walk away. "
This is what finally gave me the courage to walk away (well run away actually and call the police but thats another story!).
Be strong and good luck xx
Come on girl!
Wake up u know what y should be doing with out asking us!
Once yr gorgeous baby is here it will all fall into place. U will do everything u can to protect him/her. Including ditching the dork
Have a little self respect and don't be another number is his book to phone when hes bored! And don't you dare give up whats yrs to live with him and be dictated to. You will never get it back especially with a baby.
Concentrate all the love in yr heart on yr baby. Not on time wasters and no hopers.
Best of luck wif yr little bean. Anytime u want to talk log on and we're all here for you.
Sarah x
Wake up
u know what y should be doing with out asking us!Once yr gorgeous baby is here it will all fall into place. U will do everything u can to protect him/her. Including ditching the dork
Have a little self respect and don't be another number is his book to phone when hes bored! And don't you dare give up whats yrs to live with him and be dictated to. You will never get it back especially with a baby.
Concentrate all the love in yr heart on yr baby. Not on time wasters and no hopers.
Best of luck wif yr little bean. Anytime u want to talk log on and we're all here for you.
Sarah x
