LONG story, needing some advice

[mabelina]

I want to write the whole thing, so you can get the full picture.

I met my boyfriend a year back last August. Not long into the relationship, he introduced me to Facebook. Many people, men and women, added me to their friends list and i accepted. He didnt like the men adding me though so he went and added single girls who he liked the look of. He couldnt, and still cant see that i only accepted. I didnt go through the site seeking out men. He was on my pc one night and i noticed he had had a long conversation with one particular girl about our problems and how we're always arguing. Needless to say i hit the roof! He then deleted her but i deactivated my account to stop the arguing. He kept his going. We then argued a few weeks later over something or other, and he immediately added her back. We agued again and didnt speak for a week. He then text me and said he wanted me back and i told him i also wanted to try again. Within half an hour of me saying that, he had paid to join a dating site! A month passed with us not speaking and both of us calmed down. I said i was willing to go and see him (an hour away) to sort things out. He was so happy and agreed he wanted me back. I still had a weird feeling so i made a fake facebook profile and contacted him. As i was texting him, he was also emailing my "fake" profile. I asked him did he still want me to come up on the Saturday and he said no, maybe we should wait a bit. All this time, he was arranging to meet my fake on the Saturday afternoon. Things went crazy again when i confronted him. We split up and i got friendly with someone else. My boyfriend then got back in touch with me and we arranged to meet last July. I could see he had been through hell and had lost a lot of weight. He was nearly in tears the whole time and said he never ever wanted to go through all that again. He was also put on antidepressants. We decided to make a go of it as i genuinly believed what he said. We celebrated a year together two weeks later. Unknown to me, two days after us celebrating, he rejoined facebook (after some time off it) and immediately put me on blcok so i wouldnt know he was on there. He re-added some single girls and got their numbers and emails. I only found this out last Wednesay. I found out i was pregnant two weeks ago and he has been brilliant. When i confronted him about getting girls numbers etc, he said all of it was my fault, i push him to do it! Ive told him i no longer want anything to do with him, i have a baby to think of now and in no way do i want my child being brought up with all the arguements. He has also said before, that when we get a place together, it would be his name on the morgage as he didnt see it fair why he should work all his life and possibly end up giving me half. I told him i am now getting my own place as i cant risk me and my child being thrown out on the streets. He said if i get a council house in Port Talbot then he wants nothing more to do with me. In his words "i suggest you get rid of it (baby) and do every f@@ker a favour as you dont have the mentality to bring up a child and dont expect a penny out of me". Im constantly getting abuse off him and saying he wants to be a proper family but he just cant see whats he's done. Im sure his family all think im the bad one for doing this to him! I blame myself completely for putting up with this for so long when he proved time and time again what he was like. He was begging me on Sunday to take him back, all the while adding another girl to his facebook! He's also gone back on a dating site today. Am i doing the right thing in keeping him away? Im so stressed that my whole insides are shaking and ive started to bleed slightly. Ive told him he's stressing me and he said i dont know the meaning of the word.

 

[nazmomi]

I'm guessing that your wanting advice on what to do as far as trying to make something of your relationship or wether your better off on your own and no one can really make that decision for you .

What I can say is that there is obviously no trust in the relationship and he's obviously not a loving supportive partner, two things which I think are very important , especially when bringing up a baby.You are going to go through a lot of changes in pregnancy which would make even the most secure person in the world a little bit insecure, I can only imagine what this would do to your head in the situatin your in now

I know from my own experience that staying with someone 'for the sake of the kids' usually isn't a good idea. I split from the father of my first 2 children and although it was hard we're all very happy now, I'm married to an amazing man and my children are much more happy and confident than they were seeing us fight all the time. (they still have regular contact with him as I believe its in their best interest and have no reason to think he would hurt them)

I think you need to sit and think about why you want to be with this man and what your getting from the relationship. If you decide to stay together then I would suggest that you talk lots and probably try counselling and try to work things out before your baby arrives.

Best of luck with whatever you decide

 

[dannii87]

What a tw@t!!! I would be furious and would want bloody space from the pillock too so don't you worry about that! You're not doing the wrong thing IMO.

Definitely don't do anything to cause you any stress! IT's the last thing you need when you're pregnant.

If you let people help you, you almost hand over some "rights" to them where they feel it ok to dictate what you do, what you spend money on etc.. It happened with MagicMarkers and her MIL, she let her MIL help her, and ended up living in gratitude! It's sometimes better to just do it YOUR way and you can look back and know you did it yourself! That's what I'm doing. Evie's Dad hasn't paid a penny (which is fine by me because I've done this all myself solely on MY wages) and I feel so proud of that!

Take some time to calm down though, don't make any decisions on impulse xxx

 

[Squiggle]

I agree with nazmomi. You don't need this when you are pregnant. Take some time to think it over, it's a big decision when there's a bubba involved.

Have some of these...

xxxx

 

[MagicMarkers]

Rereading this i feel a bit harsh but here goes...

Yup did indeed happen to me, the good samaritan turned into the general orchastrator of my entire life, if you accept help from people your pretty much indebted to them indefinately, its hard to stand your own to someone your obliged to be eternally grateful too !

If theres any way to do it your own way hun id say go for it ! I lived with MIL and FIL and lived in a b n b for a bit i can honestly say i felt better being in that drug infested hell hole knowing i was working my own way out than living in comfort knowing whilst i was there, there probably wasnt a way out, it sounds like he'd throw back any help he did give you in your face the next time you argued anyways !

It sounds to me like youve let the fact you love your Oh completely cloud your judgement, its easy to do but imagine if a friend of yours came to you with the fact shes pregnant and not only has her bf fucked her around over the past 2 years, never respected her enough to LEAVE FACEBOOK ALONE, and now shes pregnant hes at it again and pressing her to *get rid of it* ?!?

From what youve written he sounds like a complete dick to be honest and i think your best of to cut and run, it might take you proving you CAN do it without him, and that next time he decides he wants to give it another go he cant just run straight back to you, for him to sort himself out !

Hope you manage to sort things out one way or another hun, but for now i just suggest you take some time out for you and baby to think things over !! xxx

 

[mabelina]

Thanks guys and thanks for the hugs. Dannii87 your first words made me laugh out loud! Just what i needed when ive been crying all day. I have an early pregnancy scan tomorrow so shall keep you informed. Gosh i didnt realise id made so many mistakes in my post! Have to edit it

 

[Sylvie]

You've been very patient with him... The way he talks to you and treats to is unacceptable even though you love him very much And I agree you can't accept being stressed out during all your pregnancy, that's good neither for you or your baby

 

[nazmomi]

Good luck with your scan tomorrow, hope all goes well

 

[mabelina]

Well ive told him to read these post and see if he understands the picture but he refuses, saying this is what i wanted so he wants nothing to do with us. He said i should tell our child he has no future cos i threw it away. Maybe i should tell our child he wouldnt have had a future if his dad had his way and wanted him aborted. Dont worry, im not that terrible to ever say that.

 

[dannii87]

Good luck for your scan tomorrow sweet! xx

 

[HollyHobby]

Put you and baby first now, don't spend a second more going over everything thats happened in your head - all that and him can wait. He's not a man, he sounds like a selfish ignorant little boy.

Good luck at your scan think about your needs now, and they dont include him, you can do without all that and can do much better.

 

[Anna23]

hmmmm what a prat he seems to be using emotional abuse to get what he wants and sounds controling, beleieve me i have had millions of guys like that and its hard to get away from , i can't tell you what to do however i'd have him well away from me and my baby if i was you it sounds like your better off without him, alot of what he has done reminds me of my childrens father so i can sympafise with you
good luck at the scan today and remember alot of women bleed during pregnancy and have healthy pregnancies

 

[trixipaws]

DONT TAKE HIM BACK!!!

u and yr baby are better off without him this is clear to me

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

I've only just started popping into this section but after reading your post I wanted to leave a quick message
I know I'm not a mum *just* yet (give me a few days! ) but I have to agree with what the ladies here have said.

At the end of the day the decision is yours and it's you that needs to stay strong and stick by your guns
The guy sounds like a complete idiot and my personal oppinion is that any time you spend with him is time wasted I definately wouldn't reccomend bringing a baby into the equasion because he definately doesn't seem mature enough for the responcibility which comes with it.

Lots of women keep their babies because it's what THEY want (not the husband or bf - especially in these cases) and although it seems really daunting at first, they manage to get on with things and build their lives up again with new and better people, when they are ready.

Personally I think the biggest question is do you want your baby? If the answer is yes then don't ever sway from that!
The second question is then - can you bring yourself to cut ties with this idiot for the sake of you and your baby...?
You don't have to pretend he doesn't exist - if you want your baby to have weekend visits etc then I'm sure you can arrange something, but you shouldn't let him dictact in any way how you live

 

[Mik]

I agree with the other ladies at least for now leave him be don't contact him and ignore any contact from him until you are a bit more secure in your pregnancy and feel better able to handle his c**p. If I were you I would write everything down like spoke on phone, date, time roughly what was said and save texts and emails. Unfortunately having worked with abusive men (and I am not saying he is just that he sounds like he could be) I know that even though they tell you to get rid of "it" once baby is born it is a weapon to used to hurt you by threatening to steal the baby or do something when they are looking after him/her. If when baby arrives you have any doubts or worries about how he may treat the baby during visits the more evidence you have the better.

Sorry to be a pessimist I just would hate to see you go through all this alone and cope wonderfully only to be faced with a whole new set of problems when baby arrives. It sounds to me that he is not good enough to be in your life at the moment at least and probably for good but he may buck his ideas up and be a good dad still I hope he does for yours and babys sake

 

[mabelina]

Thanks ever so much for all your advice
There's no way i can be in a relationship with no trust. He's proved time and time again he cant be trusted, whether that be when we only argue (but are still together) or if we split up, which longest being was only a month. For someone to try and meet other women that quickly, doesnt love me in my eyes. He just comes across as extremely desperate and pathetic. As for the house being "his", isnt being a family sharing everything together? If you love each other unconditionally, wouldnt you want to give each other everything? Obviously he's thinking down the road we are going to split up, otherwise his words "im not giving you half or lose everything when ive worked all my life for it" wouldnt even have entered his head.

As for the scan, everything went fine. Apparantly im only 5-6 weeks so they couldnt actually see anything, but the sac was clearly there and everything in its right place. She also checked my ovarys as well which were fine. I had to have an internal scan as my bladder wasnt full enough. I thought "great, that would happen to me" but i had a choice if i wanted it or not and to put my mind at rest, i did. It didnt hurt in the slightest, it wasnt even slightly uncomfortable, i couldnt feel a thing! But thanks again everyone, you've all be great!

 

[Morganuk]

OMG what a f00king immature idiot.
Clearly he has no respect for you, your unborn child or even himself.
It was like reading about a kid who needs to grow up big time and you can do so much better then that hun.
Hes proved over and over again he can not be trusted and as already said trust is a key factor in every relationship.
I really do think you have give him enough chances already and I think you and baby would be happier alone.

Best wishes hun

 

[lfc_sarah]

He sounds like a complete *******!

If he wanted to make a go of things with you he would instead of seeking other women

Your much better off without him

 

[mummykay]

ur well rid hun

 

[claire2711]

both of you are so much better off without him.....hope you are ok