Our little dream :) Had a mc???

[kanga86]

That sounds like a good weekend, we went looking at cars on sat as I need a bigger one as I have a 3 door car but need 5 if we are having a LO. Glad to here u had a normal AF this time and ov occurs are u ttc straight away? I know u have properly said before but I have a memory like a sieve!

As for ttc I have wanted to try since about 2008 but I was at Uni so thought best to wait til after, plus we were living at his parents house. I had the copper coil in nov 09 after the implant so that my cycles could become regular before we ttc. Last year my twin sister got pregnant and I travelled up to see her all the time, really wanted to be pregnant with her. After my neice Jessica was born it made me really broody. My oh saw her when she was 2months old, and said he wanted one, so I had the coil out in jan this year, on the plan to ntnp, but he freaked out the first month and used condoms! To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. But we talked about it and march was out first month where we didn't use anything, I was watching my cycles like a hawk and made sure we dtd when my fertile period was according to my period app on my phone.

Then our 2nd month I completely forgot to check where I was in my cycle and didn't realise til 5 days before AF was due! Thought I had missed it, then my period never came and I got negative tests til I was 10 days late. Thinking back on it, I think my pregnancy wasn't right then but my body didn't realise. My oh was so shocked that it happened quickly and I think he was thinking crap this is real now! I think he is more up for trying again than I am at the mo. But I'm sure I won't try to prevent it when we dtd again. Xx

 

[Hope81]

i will not prevent it if you know what i mean but i will not buy opks either to see if i ovulate and when.Not proper TTC i suppose as we still have more than enough things to short out in our lives and if it dosent happen right away its ok.
i would love to be pregnant again though first time i completely freaked out when i found out and probably the second time too lol.
second time around i will probably be even more scared because of the mc....

for me its the pregnancy part that scares me the most and not the motherhood if that makes sense. actually it dosent really make sense to me now lol but its how i feel.... i am absolutely terrified to see my body changing and though i know all those changes are normal and temporary, they completely freak me out. also being a doctor dosent really help at all. knowing everything that can go wrong is a nightmare and probably my biggest ever fear is loosing an LO in advanced pregnancy or a newborn...i think i got quite traumatized while on gynecology rotation during university. i saw so many LOs born with problems after a natural birth and the pain that their mothers experienced that i promised my self that c-section is for me as it is the safest for the baby. not for the mom as its major surgery but its the safest for the babies after all. also my moms sister had a stillborn at full term because of cord around its neck and that dosent help with my fear of a natural birth

ofcourse i will never get a c section in Norway because i ask for it....

i am probably the only girl in the world that is afraid of pregnancy. silly me

how about you try NTNP kanga? that way it will eventually happen at some point but you dont have to stress about it right away giving you time to deal with your feelings?

 

[kanga86]

See I am more scared of having a lo at the end? Not as a newborn but when u started interacting more with them, I have a serious confidence issue so don't like looking stupid or have people say I'm doing it wrong. Then I have no balls to stand up for myself either!

Although I must admit the whole belly moving and being kicked freaks me abit, every time I saw my sister belly transform into random shapes I freaked out, eww!

I think ntnp will probably be the best option, but I still have some opks left and I can't stopped using them I'm a nightmare to myself, although I won't buy any more once there gone, probably only 10 left now anyway. It's stupid Im not sure about being pregnant again, but on the other hand I will be really upset when AF shows up and I'm not pregnant, crazy brain!

 

[Hope81]

i think its sth natural like we had sth before, sth took it away and we want it back and it dosent even matter if we really want it or we just want it because it was taken away. ok hard to express my feelings in English but i hope you know what i mean.

the fear of raising a child is probably the common thing that all parents have. i dont think its weird that you feel like that, its just i have the confidence to think that i am capable of raising a child rather than i am not afraid of doing it.
i am having some confidence issues too, since the needle incident and packing so much weight so i hope once i go back to my original weight i will get back my confidence too. why are you so insecure kanga?

 

[dyscochick]

hi girls, posted in another thread, depsite having a nice weekend i'm finding today really hard work, really really hard. doesn't help that everyone seems to be having babies around me, facebook is covered with bumps and little ones. I wanna sit and eat chocolate but have a half a marathon to run in 2 months and a wedding in 9 so need to not put on any weight, getting a bit paranoid as its creeping on anyway. argh argh argh argh someone slap me!!!!

 

[Hope81]

answered you to the other thread also

eat that chocolate you are bloody gorgeous and one chocolate will not change that

facebook is a nightmare, babies and bumbs all over lol

now go eat the chocolate and an icecream after that too

 

[kanga86]

Argh! It just deleted my post! Had a busy afternoon had my scan, waited for 50 mins to be seen! Then went shopping and got stuck in rush hour traffic!

So left the scan so confused, she said there is still some tissue remaining but because I'm not bleeding to expect it to come out with my next period. she also said if the bleeding starts up again to go back to them and I will have to have a dnc done so much for ttc again feeling rather deflated now

As for my confidence to probably started when I was little. Being a twin and shy, I relied on my sister for everything. Ebb got her to ask my mum for things I wanted, like I was hungry or needed the loo etc. Because she was loud and outgoing I was able to keel hiding in the background as the shy quiet one! Never really got over it really! I think now though being overweight doesn't help! Xx

 

[kanga86]

So I went shopping in tesco's today and couldnt help myself and I brought some baby clothes! I have no idea what I was thinking,but they had roo on from Winnie the pooh. And kanga needs her roo right? I got two long sleeve vests, a sleep suit and a blanket! I was thinking what if I can't buy it when I have my lo? Is that strange! Xx

Pic is upside down as I took on my phone and can't rotate it, sorry about the size too

 

[Hope81]

Those are adorable kanga!! I am not that brave like you to buy any baby clothes or anything baby...even the idea of the oh fixing a room for the baby it stresses me thinking that I will have to successfully TTC fast....

I hope you will get your period in 2 weeks and everything will be fine. Don't try to TTC yet as with remain tissue the implantation will be unsuccessful probably. Will they give you one more scan maybe after your period?

 

[kanga86]

I don't know why I got them, they are now in the carrier bag in the back of the cupboard in the spare room! I'm glad my oh isn't trying to fixup the babies room, we have paint in the garage but thats as far as we got, but then he probably isn't bothered about moving stuff around as babies room is going to be he's computer room and he is getting kicked out!

I know to not try to ttc when there is stuff remaining, but I am still getting bleeding after my internal scan? Is that normal? I really hope the bleedinstays away til AF shows otherwise I will have to go back to the epau and have a dnc, which I would like to avoid for now. I don't know about a scan after, should I ask for one after AF? Xx

 

[Hope81]

if i was you i would have ask for a d&c 4 weeks ago. i really think that putting an end fast to this helps with the healing process the emotional one i mean. if ever needed again, heeeh, i am going for this instead of any natural or medical mc right away. it was fast, painless and i bled for 2 weeks after but it was like spotting and some cramps, less painful than my normal period ones for the first 2 days. thats all.

i would say if you start bleeding, go for it. but lets hope that this was the end of it and you will have your period back soon. remember that you should have 2 weeks at least without bleeding for this to count for your period.

we short of have to fix the baby's room as we fixing our bedroom, meantime we sleep in the living room lol and the babys room entrance is through our bedroom so we should have them done at the same point to be able to move our bed back to the bedroom and start sleeping there. though when i am talking about fixing i mean changing walls and floors and painting. we are not buying any furniture or baby stuff yet. we will probably use it to put laundry to dry lol until baby is here. but even like that the idea stresses me. we already have a light on the ceiling there with kitties and little kitty paws...

 

[kanga86]

I am sat here at the mo really wanting to phone the epau up and speak to one of the nurses, as yesterday it was just the consultant again (the one who laughed at me last time). Thinking of trying to demand a dnc but scared because we have a wedding to go to on Monday next week, and I dont want to miss it.

Should I be worried about the bleeding after my scan! I also had it after we dtd too?

I get what u mean about fixing the room up, that sucks sleeping in the living room. But I agree to much seems too freak me too, now I have those clothes home I feel really strange because they aren't for anyone! Xx

 

[Hope81]

how much are you bleeding? is it only spotting?

 

[kanga86]

tmi: straight after its enough to leak out on to a pad for a few hours, but then it is just red when i wipe after going to the loo. xx

 

[Hope81]

probably is just irritation and inflammation of the cervix or maybe an infection. we shouldn't dtd before the bleeding stops for at least 3 days, i was told, so the cervix will be closed and bacteria will not make their way to the uterus.
did they rule out infection? did they check progesterone also kanga?

 

[kanga86]

i am taking antibiotics in case i have an infection but been taking them since monday last week, got 2 more days worth to take. we did use a condom when we dtd so hopefully no infection. my progesterone at my blood test last tuesday was 7.5, but i have no idea what the means! xx

 

[Hope81]

i think its a little high but your hcg was a little high too back then. did they offer you to recheck the hcg? can you still see a faint line on your hpts?
usually we have a little higher progesterone after ovulation and in pregnancy of course. as we probably know that you didnt ovulate yet the progesterone is related with your hcg that was still not below 5. sometimes a hormonal imbalance can happen after a mc. gynecologists are able to fix that by giving you progesterone so they mimic a high level og progesterone that then comes down liek it happens before your period and then you start bleeding. at the beginning of AF progesterone is maybe 1 or 1. sth. but all that implies that you stopped bleeding at the first place...
give it a couple more days and if still bleeding spotting etc go back to the doctors. and dont dtd meantime so we know its not from that.

also kanga is it hard to get a consultation to a private gynecologist? i have the impression that at the early pregnancy unit there they dont care so much if you bleed for 2 months and you are n emotional wreck meantime...

 

[dyscochick]

i would go with hope, you can afford it, it might be the time to see someone privately, not cheap but might be worth a call to find out how much it would be.xx

 

[kanga86]

thee was no offer from the doctor to do another hcg test, just I have a hormonal inbalance from the mc! As for the hpt tests, the one i thought was negative on sunday looks as though it might have a faint line now (i know i shouldnt count it as way past the time to look at it) but i did one just now and it looked as though there was a line too, not strong enough to get a picture of though!! getting so disheartened now, sat here crying

how do i get hold of a private doctor? xx

 

[Hope81]

offfff you poor girl, i am sure it will eventually be ok
maybe dysco can help you with that as i have no idea how this work in uk. here you can google a doctor you call you make an appointment and thats all.