Our little dream :) Had a mc???

Hope81

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I saw so many people the last month having a mc here :( :( that I thought maybe it will be nice to gather together :)

Hey, I am Hope, I am 30, i live in norway and i am a cardiologist. I had a d&c 26 days ago for a blighted ovum (at 8-9 weeks) :(

I don't feel too sad anymore but I do feel empty and I want a new baby. Currently waiting for AF to come for first time so we can TTC. I got some faint punk lines but no idea if they are left over hormones or not. Probably they ar though as they don't get darker.but we will see. Me and oh choose names for our future LO and that gave us hope that we wil have our baby soon. We are thinking Edward William if it's a boy and kyveli Artemis if it's a girl though we are still searching for a girls middle name :)

Looking forward to get to know you all and hear about your plans :)
 
Hiya I didnt want to read and run. I had a blighted ovum about 6 years ago and it knocked me for six, it took me a long time to able to look at pregnant women. I now have a lovely boy and am expecting now, even though they told me I wouldnt have another child as I was in early menopause!!! Miracles can happen. All the best to you and your family to be xxx
 
Hi Hope

I miscarried 4 weeks ago at around 7 weeks.

The pregnancy was unplanned and totally unexpected as I'd been told I'd never conceive naturally. I had been through various fertility treatments as well as IVF when I was married and since divorcing, never found myself in a relationship where I wanted to jump on that roller coaster again.

This had been discussed with my current partner when we first got together (i'm 41, he's 43), and we agreed we were both too old to be thinking about having a family.

Mother nature had other ideas though....and after the initial shock, we both came round to the idea. I knew, given my age, that there was a lot of hurdles to cross and to be honest, kind of expected the worst.

I have mixed feelings about it all now. My partner has said he doesnt want children and has spoken about getting the snip. I reckon it's highly unlikely that lightening would strike twice (given that I had already gone 20 years using no contraception and never fell pregnant). I also dont think I could handle the emotional stress and disappointment if I did decide to try and it didnt happen again...and if it did, the stress, worry and increased risks that comes with pregnancy at my age....but part of me will always wonder. Theres also a part of me that wishes I'd never fallen pregnant, as I'd mentally accepted I would never have children and was ok with it. Now my head is all over the place.

I hope all the ladies here who have gone through the trauma of losing a baby go on to have successful pregnancies..but I dont think I'll be joining you on that journey.
 
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Hi Hope, Bliss,
I'm a UK based neuroscientist, living in Wales.
Me and OH have been together for 4 years and weren't trying to get pregnant but not trying not to, if you get what I mean. I had a missed miscarriage diagnosed last week, followed by a medical miscarriage. I am desperate to try for another as soon as my body is ready but we also just got engaged (on holiday planned by OH before we found out about pregnancy). We were going to get married after the baby came, now we've decided to go ahead with the wedding earlier than we had first thought (june next year) and put trying for a baby on hold for a few months. Its not that I don't want to get married pregnant, I just don't want to be 7-9 months pregnant or 1-2 months post pregnancy and breast feeding at the wedding. I got pregnant easily this time, but maybe it won't happen so quick then next time and I don't want to keep him waiting for a wedding. I really want to get married and before getting pregnant was so keen to. If we plan the wedding for mid June, we can start trying around February/March time knowing that I won't be showing by June if I do get pregnant.

I feel so sad about waiting, but also excited about getting married. I think this is the right thing to do. The fact that I'm on here at 3am is an indication of my mixed emotions. Still so sad and mixed up about the mmc, that plus antimalarials and pregnancy hormones still rushing around means sleep is not that easy, I have had some awful nightmares.

Anyhow, this is me, not sure if I'm getting over an mmc, TTCing or waiting to TTC
 
hey ladies :)

Bliss it happened once, didnt it? so only God knows if you will join us to our journey. i hope you can clarify in your heart if are really ok with the idea of not having an LO or not. regardless if that will happen again or not going through a mc leaves you empty and gets you thinking a lot :(. in my occasion if for whatever reasons i will not be able to have my wee LO i think i will try adoption.

Dysco, i know about your mmc and i admire you that you could make a plan and stick to it. Though my first pregnancy was quite unplanned, after the mc i feel so empty that i cant wait to be pregnant again. I like your plan, by the way, i also liked the proposal :) on top of a mountain, now thats a story to tell to your future LO!!! February sounds far away but i am sure time will fly fast.

Dysco did you ever think about February and your due date? ( my due date was 25 January) i mean i always wanted a winter baby lol, no idea why and now i am sad that i will probably not have a winter baby (assuming that i will be pregnant again soon). i think i always considered winter and Christmas a cuddling warm time :)i hope this Christmas i will be already pregnant, now that would be a nice new start of a year :D

Did i tell you girls that i never cried that i lost this pregnancy??i still wonder if that will hit me later....also though i know its not true i cant help myself but think that i never bond really with my LO and that i will not be a good mother because of that or that i am not ment to even be a mother....

thats for now, i better go back to my books ( i am studying for my final consult board exams) and ofc its impossible for me to concentrate o doing anything but i am still sitting staring at my books lol :)
 
Hope, my plan was made yesterday and I was up crying about it this morning! I too feel sooooo empty without my LO there, that i'm so desperate to try again, but as you say I'm hoping feburary will be here before I know it and wedding plans will distract me. I have stocked up on cheapy HPTs from amazon as I want to make sure I know I have a negative test before having unprotected sex, just in case another pregnancy happens, even though we aren't trying :s.

I soooo know where you are coming from regarding a winter baby, I had initially thought I had terrible timing and then realised how perfect it would be, and a fabulous excuse for a lazy xmas :). I love cwtching by the fire and have all these imaginings of how it would have been. Do you think about the pregnancy, right now I keep thinking about where I should have been, just over 12 weeks, got the info for NCT classes and antenatal yoga which just seem to serve as a harsh reminder that I'm no longer pregnant.

Hope I really don't think that not crying with an mc means that you will not be a good mother. Emotion is a funny thing and crying isn't the only way we express it. Similarly, maybe your clinical training keep you a little more distant until there is something more tangible, and LO is bigger or even born. Your girls names are very unusual, is there a background to them? We've considered adoption too if it doesn't work for me.

Bliss have you thought about that? I don't think that early 40s is too old for a baby but its a very personal issue. This just demonstrates that a pregnancy is possible, and so many pregnancies do fail in Tri1 that is isn't necessarily a sign that its all bad for you. Big hugs anyway, I'm sure its been a very hard time with such a huge rollercoaster.

Good luck with the exams Hope, I'm reading a students PhD thesis at home as I still feel not right physically after the mmc (either that or all the antibiotics and painkillers I had to take). xx
 
my name choices is a weird combination of my Greek nationality together with my fiances nationality that is 1/2 Canadian, 1/2 Norwegian and i recently moved with him in Norway....
while i was away we spent enormous h chating on skype and watching movies but as we looked more into doing things together we often played an online game together, making us feel that we still doing things all day together. kyveli and artemis are our character names and symbolize all that long long time of 3 years that we had to spent so far away from each other. Now may sound childish and stupid but none of us wants to leave those 3 years back so we taking them with us :) as we both love those names. But both kyveli and artemis are female names and dont really go well together so we will see with the second girls name if it will remain artemis. The boy names is William from Shakespeare as we also spent endless nights on Skype reading shakespeare and Edward because though not greek name, is quite easy to pronounce it in greek language. MY oh keeps saying that we are tempting faith with Lo that may have edward syndrome, i keep telling him that he will be as smart as Edward to discover a new syndrome :p
Anyway for both names we just have to choose sth that can be easy pronounced in greek language, is not too strange for canadians and the baby will feel ok with its name growing up in norway. Lol yes a nightmare...wait to see the trilingual LO....Still dont know how we will do that with the 3 languages...

we speak English, my oh speaks as maternal languages English and Norwegian and i have as maternal language Greek... Heeeh thats why please excuse me if i sometimes murder the noble language of Shakespeare lol.

meantime learning Norwegian and studying for my exams so when i am done with both i can find a new job in Norway or a phd meantime but no money for that unfortunately :(

think my medical training may be the reason for me reacting so differently with this mc. after all i knew perfectly that the risk of a mc is so big those first months, my age is pushing soon the limit also, i am over weighted and i also saw hundreds of tragedies unfolding in front of me the last 12 years at hospital...that or i am just so distant and weird lol.

BTW maybe you will ahve your LO before february :p especially if youa re not trying but not use protection either. first time me ad oh had sex after d&c the condom broke....so now waiting impatient to see if sth happened, though i hope it didint as its safer to wait a month before try to TTC again...
 
yeah my absolute is waiting 1-2 months just to let my body recover, then I'll leave it to fate. So what if I'm pregnant at my wedding! just don't want to be afraid I might drop there and then! hehehe. I'd quite like a christmas wedding which would suit everything but there is too much going on and its too short notice to try and have the wedding we want in the summer (ie hog roast and bbq which is not really a winter wedding theme!). also OH wants an outdoorsy stag and i can't deprive him of his long awaited stag :). It will be fine, just a long time coming, and I was kinda liking the idea of having my LO in my arms at the wedding. ah well, can't have everything!
 
we are going to wait for the wedding after LO is here :) probably the same day as Christianizing of the baby. but we will have a simple wedding at the town hall before the LO is here :)

there is nth wrong at being pregnant at your wedding :) you will probably look even more beautiful he he :p
i would love a winter wedding also, i would love everything winter actually, cant wait for the winter to come and movies and the blankets and hot coco and cuddles :D:D:D
 
Hey hunny, i had a mc last october! just want to say hi and all the best x x
 
dysco i know how you feel im getting married july next yr all booked and fell preg in march but mc in may up till getting pg we were happy waiting till after our wedding but now im so desprate for a baby and dont want to wait but like yourself dont want to be too pg when we get married as ive picked my dress and just dont want to be pg but i dont think i can wait it would mean going back on the pill and i really dont want to do that so im just going to see what happens one thing i know lifes to short i lost my mum to cancer 19 months ago she was my best friend and she will never see me have a family so im just going to go with the flow and hope for the best , hope my mum was in her 40s when she had me way back in the 70s and weve come along way since then i wish you all the best in whatever you decide honey xxx
 
Cupcake our situations are so similar! I know I can't face the idea of going back on the pill, so I think I'll leave it to fate. If it happens, it happens. We are planning a very chilled out wedding so its not the end of the world and I'm not intending on buying an expensive dress. If we can manage not to get pg before february, March with wedding in June I should be fine, with the most little of bumps, and actually the way I feel now I'll be on cloud 9 if I'm pg at the wedding. I'll be doing my situps from now on to make sure my abs can hold it in for as long as possible!

My mum had breast cancer twice, 8 and 3 years ago and although she got through it we nearly lost to a breakdown a year after her final treatments. I can't imagine going through all this without her and it must be so hard for you too, so I can totally see that life is too short to worry about a bump on one day of your life, when it means a LO will be with you for the rest of it :) xxxxx
 
thats great news about your mum honey and im sure she will love being there for you. my mum was a tough lady but in the end the cancer just took over she had cervical cancer so was in alot of pain so in end it was too much and we lost her on new yrs eve 2009 i never thought for one minute id be living without my mum even though it happens to us all in the end. when i had my mc in may i had a major doubt that my mum was looking after me up there in heaven as i thought if she was it would never have happened but i now realize that it was beyond her control. my mum has never even met my partner but believe she has worked her magic to bring us together and just hope she works her magic so we have our little one. i know when i get married next yr it will be a very happy day but also very sad without her there i still have my dad only just and fear everyday he will soon follow her but i try to keep going for my mum. i hope you get your special little one stay intough would be lovely to hear how your getting on we can swap wedding ideas lol xxxx
 
I know exactly how u feel cupcake, I lost my mum to sudden adult death syndrome 7 years ago now, the day before my 18th birthday. I wish all the time that she was here to support me, and I get so upset knowing she hasn't got to see her children grow up, get married or have kids themselves. I believe my little angel is with my mum now and she is looking after her grandchild, I may never have got to meet them but my mum has :cry:

I have been engaged for 2 and a half years and I am with the same partner I was with before my mum passed. I keep putting off getting married because I want her there, which I know will never happen. Life sucks big time then u get shot down again, just seems so unfair that some people have it so easy. :cry: xxx
 
hey kanga :) i am glad you are back on this forum, i was hoping to see you here:) how are you feeling?

some people certainly have it easy but i am sure all of our struggles will make it even more worth it when we will have our LO.

cupcake and disco i am so waiting to see your bumbs in a wedding dress :D
 
I'm doing ok, my head is all over the place at the mo not sure what I'm doing!! Not venturing around the rest of the forum too much but feel so though we should stick together and try to help each other out of this.

I am going back to the hospital next Wednesday for another scan because although the bleeding has stopped I am getting pos hpt still today. Got to do another test next Tuesday and if it is pos still then I will go for the scan! Never-ending nightmare! Xx
 
i know all about this...i cant wait to have my period back.

i had a nice surprise today :) i am going on a date tomorrow night :D with my fiancee, cinema and then dinner at a nice restaurant. it seems ages since we did that last time :( And for tonight we are having a fire in the yard and roast some sausages, make hotdogs etc.

so whats everyone's plans for this weekend??? crappy weather here in Norway but i would really liek to go for a short hacking walk in the woods on Sunday :)
 
Unfortunately I am working both sat and sun from 5.30am!! The things we do to get money after being on shity statutory sick pay! Hoping to have Sunday afternoon with my oh and might try to persuade him to take me to see Harry potter at the cinema. Enjoy ur sausages by fire light tonight, sounds amazing!! Xx
 
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its so hard kanga everyday i miss my mum and people say it gets easier it doesnt you just learn to wake up every morning and deal with it. i couldnt believe it when i found out i was pg i wouldve been due at christmas so that wouldve made christmas something to be happy about then when i had my mc i was devestated and now i worry im not going to fall pg again after everything weve been through it was another big big hurdle to try and get over. just as you feel your almost at the top of the hill you get pushed back down again. im hoping my mum is looking out for me and will make everything ok in the end xxx
 
On Monday of this week I had really really light spotting (more like light brown discharge) and figured I was about to take my period as it would have been bang on 28 days on Tuesday since the miscarriage. It's not come and the spotting was gone by Tuesday morning.

I'm starting to get tired again early at night, going to the loo more often and today have lower back pain......all symptoms I had in the early stages last time. I thought my boobs felt a little tender on weds, but they didnt really start getting sore till i was around 5 weeks the last time.

I know its even less likely I'm pregnant this time as we've only had sex once since the miscarriage and he withdrew...but every time I convince myself I'm being daft, another 'symptom' appears (like the sore back today).

The thing is, I'm totally bricking it about doing a test. If I am, I dont want to know but if I dont find out, I'm going to drive myself daft anyway.

Looks like I may have to bite the bullet and go grab a clearblue tonight. Dont hold your breath though, I reckon its just my body playing tricks on me!
 

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