OH is a weed smoker... advice please.

[Piglet's Mama]

I dont really see a problem to be honest as you said you got with him committed enough to make a life with him all whilst knowing he has a smoke , if it really bothered you that much then why commit in such a BIG way? Everyone has a vice! mine is chocolate eating ans it just so happens the OH is a smoke! never out in public , never to the extent he cant function , just to relax after work . I can never change this about him , i dont drink , smoke nothing but he comes as i found him, the only thing he's stopping for is to TTC but i wouldnt ask him to quit for life its his choice . Your OH does he go out drinking? pub all evening /weekend? as a lot of men do? mine doesn't he prefers to be at home with me. I dont see him as a 'stoner' it doesn't affect him in that way , its just his " can of beer " in the evening after a hard days graft

Whilst you've said your partner doesn't smoke around your daughter, are you not TTC (according to your ticker)?

What happens when you have a new born if you won't ask him to "quit for life?" Surely he will be around your new born potentially under the influence of cannabis? And if you do have a new born, will you not live together and therefore with your daughter as well, who in turn will also be exposed to his cannabis use?

And even if he doesn't smoke it in your house, it must still smell on his clothes, breath, hands?

How you and your OH live your lives is entirely up to you but it is ridiculous to compare an illegal drug to alcohol or to say your vice of chocolate is in anyway similar to that of smoking weed to relax after work - I can't understand why anyone would think these are the same thing?

And this thread was started because someone who is clearly opposed to having weed around her new born wanted some reassurance that she wasn't nuts to tell him to get lost if he couldn't clean up his act; evidently her views on it were already clear and it was cruel of you to imply she should just put up with it. I understand now that you didn't know the full facts when making this remark but you have brought a lot of this on yourself with your flippant and blase attitude towards illegal substances.

 

[littlemiss83]

Can I just point out, alcohol is a controlled substance, it's measured in units and tests have been carried out to work out how much is a safe amount. People are allowed units and still be allowed to drive. Weed has no measures, and you aren't allowed to drive after smoking it full stop.

Not attacking but want to point out what is considered safe for one person may not be safe for another. I believe no amount of alcohol should be drunk whilst looking after a baby. My view is if something were to happen and you had to go to hospital. You had one drink but within limit but still had an accident... I would forever be thinking if I hadn't of had that drink maybe it would be dif? Better to be safe then sorry.x

Agree completely but don't think the two are comparable on all aspects. Alcohol is wrong in large quantities around lo's of course (for me I dont drink any around lo but each to their own) and has health implications but that is imo where the similarity ends for me. I think as I said before about the seedy connections of drugs and criminality also. Studies also show that a relatively small amount of weed can kick of underlying mental problems.

Studies have also shown the same for booze. No one has ever died of weed - FACT - thousands of people die from alcohol every day.

People have died from the effects of weed - for example, a lad at our school smoked cannabis and was taken into hospital with paranoia and anxiety attacks, he subsequently killed himself as he was mentally unwel, there was a large piece about him in the papers and how dangerous drugs were to young, developing minds.
I work with lots of people who have drug problems, all different drugs including cannabis, a lot of those people who had underlying mental disorders that they were not aware of have been admitted with triggered disorders such as psychizophrenia and personality disorders brought on by the use of cannabis. This is fact

There is no proof that weed causes mental disorders, the medical profession are still undecided as to wether people with these problems are more likely to smoke it to reduce the symptoms they have, or if its something underlying thats triggered by weed.

THC (which is the main component of cannabis) is naturally created by the brain (bit of useless info there loool)

I meant that no cause of death has been put down to cannabis use. But loads have been put down as intoxication.

 

[amyjayne77]

I have to disagree : http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/cannabis_and_mental_health#cps

Might not "cause" it but it certainly contributes significantly.

 

[AugustMum]

Ok, I deleted my posts because people were being far too judgemental for my liking.

This thread hasn't been all lovely and polite and a debate, it has infact slated some forum users and basically calling them unfit parents at times. I haven't agreed with a majority of these posts but I haven't sat here and insulted you all.

Cosmic, you're right in saying that people have died from the effects of weed. BUT the point I think that was being made, was that it does not have the capabilities of killing someone outright. If you had someone sitting in a room drinking, one taking weed (for instance eating it in a scrummy chocolate cake) and someone smoking cigerattes, the the smoker and the drinker could died from those substances. The person having the cake would probably just sleep alot and get fat.

 

[isobel84]

I have not read trough all posts yet but want to say if he reackon he will stop, he should do it right away, otherwise I don't think he will.
Some ppl can manage with smoking weed once a week but most can't. If he can't stop now when u ask him, I think he's addiction is too much n I would ask him to leave.

I was with someone that smoked, his life was all about weed, to the point when he couldn't get any, he turned it on me n ended up hitting. Me in the face.

If u think its ok to smoke around kids, what signal to u give? Don't be suprised if they will stRt smoke themself n perhaps they won't be able to control it to once a week or even once a day. Great rolemodells x

 

[littlemiss83]

As I said previously....I am not condoning the use of cannabis, I am only stating that it is just as bad as alcohol, dont understand why people are still arguing the point that weed is bad for you.

It is unfair that kirstymichelle is in tears, especially if it is people who themselves drink alcohol or their OH's, or allow it in their houses who have made her this way (cant be arsed looking back in the thread) Its fair enough expressing opinions, thats what the forum is for but to get someone into that state is not on.

How many people on this thread allow their OH's to come home drunk, or worse still allow people to drink (more than 1 or 2) in the house?

There's no point in starting to link websites on this. There is endless amounts of evidence that alcohol is bad for you too. Its just as much over the news ect as weed is.

 

[DaisyPurple]

It is unfair that kirstymichelle is in tears, especially if it is people who themselves drink alcohol or their OH's, or allow it in their houses who have made her this way (cant be arsed looking back in the thread) Its fair enough expressing opinions, thats what the forum is for but to get someone into that state is not on.

How many people on this thread allow their OH's to come home drunk, or worse still allow people to drink (more than 1 or 2) in the house?

Well glad it wasn't me then, as I've already said both myself and my DH are not drinkers and as I have expressed my feelings both publicly and privately to kirstymichelle saying I don't think she should go,
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[dyscochick]

I've just read these posts through because I don't want to see Kistymichelle leave the forum because this thread got out of control. Firstly I want to say that illegality should not be a major factor in decisions about drug taking (and I include nicotine and alcohol in my definition of drug), I have talked with people on the government committee that decides on the drug classifications and decisions are NOT made purely on the basis of danger to health. If it were then alcohol and cigarette smoking would be higher class drugs that ecstasy or cannabis as the number lives alcohol has destroyed is truly terrifying. There are social drinkers and social cannabis smokers, alcohol addicts and cannabis addicts, they are not one and the same, but the consequences of addiction, in any shape or form are dangerous. This is a very difficult area to discuss, controversial even at a governmental and medical level (and for political reasons these often differ significantly), and I think we have to be careful to state our views without imposing or judging others. I do agree that being in charge of a child requires you to think very carefully about any risks you take, with your life or theirs and these decisions extend into every area of our lives. xx

 

[AugustMum]

I wish I could write like you have. Im so awful in debates I get everything mixed up but yes.....basically ^^^WSS

 

[DaisyPurple]

I have to say I feel very upset about the whole bloody subject and I can't believe how everything has blown.up and been manipulated. To be honest I feel sick

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[CustardCream]

I was the worlds biggest weed smoker, I'd been smoking also for 10 years. I used to spend £40-60 a DAY. I stopped obviously when I found out I was pregnant, I've now saved £4000! (If I'd have worked as much as I used to and if I was still working I'd have saved over £5000) Let him see this post and maybe that will make him wake up. I worked constantly every hour, double shifts to pay for it and that £4000 is going towards my amazing son, and to pay off my debt I got into because I smoked weed. I knew something was wrong cos I started to feel sick smoking it, then found I was pregnant. I stopped that day and I dont evfen miss it now. Didnt sleep for weeks proper cos I missed my weed. Weed made me not eat and I was a small size 6. I've not read other replies but tell him to think what he could be spending on your child xx

 

[Mummy2Adam]

I have been reading this thread as it has been going on and i wasnt going to post as i seen it getting further and further out of control.
Kirsty i really dont want you to leave, you were honest in your post and i think that was a brave thing to do. We can argue all day about drink, smoking and drugs and every person you meet will have a different opinion on what THEY think is right or wrong and have been in different experiances but at the end of the day we all live life how we choose. We should respect everyones views even if WE think they are wrong - i really hope this comes across ok as i know what im trying to say its just hard to write it x x

 

[littlemiss83]

I've just read these posts through because I don't want to see Kistymichelle leave the forum because this thread got out of control. Firstly I want to say that illegality should not be a major factor in decisions about drug taking (and I include nicotine and alcohol in my definition of drug), I have talked with people on the government committee that decides on the drug classifications and decisions are NOT made purely on the basis of danger to health. If it were then alcohol and cigarette smoking would be higher class drugs that ecstasy or cannabis as the number lives alcohol has destroyed is truly terrifying. There are social drinkers and social cannabis smokers, alcohol addicts and cannabis addicts, they are not one and the same, but the consequences of addiction, in any shape or form are dangerous. This is a very difficult area to discuss, controversial even at a governmental and medical level (and for political reasons these often differ significantly), and I think we have to be careful to state our views without imposing or judging others. I do agree that being in charge of a child requires you to think very carefully about any risks you take, with your life or theirs and these decisions extend into every area of our lives. xx

I cant thank you enough for contributing this to the thread, you said perfectly what I couldn't put into words. I wish this had of been posted earlier on in the thread, then maybe people wouldn't be so quick to judge someone.

 

[Hayley1608]

I was the worlds biggest weed smoker, I'd been smoking also for 10 years. I used to spend £40-60 a DAY. I stopped obviously when I found out I was pregnant, I've now saved £4000! (If I'd have worked as much as I used to and if I was still working I'd have saved over £5000) Let him see this post and maybe that will make him wake up. I worked constantly every hour, double shifts to pay for it and that £4000 is going towards my amazing son, and to pay off my debt I got into because I smoked weed. I knew something was wrong cos I started to feel sick smoking it, then found I was pregnant. I stopped that day and I dont evfen miss it now. Didnt sleep for weeks proper cos I missed my weed. Weed made me not eat and I was a small size 6. I've not read other replies but tell him to think what he could be spending on your child xx

Its nice to see a positive comment in the thread.

Well done you on stopping and i think everybody will appreciate you being honest enough to write this!

Thats an amazing achievement and you can spend the rest of your pregnancy and life knowing you gave your child the very best start in life

(This was not at all meant to sound patronising btw!)

 

[positivity :)]

I have been reading this thread as it has been going on and i wasnt going to post as i seen it getting further and further out of control.
Kirsty i really dont want you to leave, you were honest in your post and i think that was a brave thing to do. We can argue all day about drink, smoking and drugs and every person you meet will have a different opinion on what THEY think is right or wrong and have been in different experiances but at the end of the day we all live life how we choose. We should respect everyones views even if WE think they are wrong - i really hope this comes across ok as i know what im trying to say its just hard to write it x x

Well said!! xx

 

[isobel84]

Ok... I smoked weed for 2 years before meeting my OH who was also a weed smoker. I gave up smoking weed and cigarettes when I was about 7 weeks pregnant (about 3 weeks after finding out). At the time I said to OH that I understand how difficult it is to give up but I would like him to try, and I certainly didn't want him smoking in the same room as me. Since then he has managed to quit cigarettes entirely and now only smokes weed. Ok, so doing things the other way round probably would have been better right? Give up smoking weed then work on the fags at a later date? But... Now he has managed to quite fags he's going to start trying to stop smoking weed. By cooking it up in flapjacks or brownies. Not only does he then not have to worry about exhaling toxic fumes around me and the baby (cause he's eating it instead) but any weed he does have will last longer, since the high off of edibles lasts much longer than a joint or a bong. Anyway... Once the smoking aspect has well and truly stopped bothering him cause he's still getting his high, just in a different way, he's going to give up that as well. He had been smoking for 6 years before I met him. So yehh... It doesn't happen overnight, so far it's been 7-ish months and I don't expect him to have quit completely until at least christmas. Coming from personal experience I know how hard it is.

I guess what I'm trying to say is no, I don't think you are over reacting, but that (especially after 20 years) he will need time. I don't believe it is acceptable to have drugs around children, but at the end of the day if I were to leave my child with somebody under the influence of anything I would much prefer it to be weed than speed, coke, ket even alcohol. I have looked after children whilst stoned in the past and honestly, it just makes it more fun! So long as you haven't smoked to excess you're reactions are fine, you still know what you are doing and what is going on. But that's my personal opinion.

Unless you have smoked weed you can't really judge those who do, as you don't know what it is like... It seriously isn't as bad as people make it out to be...
Unless you've been addicted you can't say how hard/easy it is to quit... I found it much harder than cigarettes... Indeed, there is only a minor physical ediction. But the mental addiction is unbelievable.

Yes. Weed is illegal. It is a "drug" BUT it is also a natural plant. It's not something made of hundreds of harsh chemicals.

Do what you think is right hun. (I hope I don't get jumped on for what I have said, this does seem to be quite an irate thread) xx

I smoked weed everyday for 2 years, I was addicted. Since the second I found out I was preggo, I never touched it again. I think "give it time" is bullshit. If your baby isn't motivation enough to stop then n there, nothin.g is.

 

[isobel84]

it is acceptable if my 30 something OH chooses to smoke it illegal or not!

All the best to you, I hope your daughter does not grow up to think it is acceptable or even worse think it's acceptable to smoke it herself

she doesnt see it ever its not done around her cant you get that into your heads , she's never seen , smelt or heard of it , and if in the future she does via school etc i am glad i am street wise enough to be able to deal with it positively , i will not bring her up to think drugs are acceptable you are making assumptiojns because a man i met and fell in love with smokes it in his own space and time ,

But to ttc with someone that needs weed to relax is ok? Will he stop when the baby is there? Cuz after being up all night with a baby plus a puppy, that's when u want to relax?

 

[ippa]

Wow I just read though all this and it's shocked me!
Personally I think illegal drugs are wrong, not just around children but in general.
I used to drink before I fell pregnant, and since having my boy I have had 1 drink, and my parents had Matthew for the night!
I'm quite sad to see how this topic has gone, with someone just asking for some advice!
All I can say is I couldn't have coped through my pregnancy and since without the girls on here, with their advice and kind words, I just think people have very strong opinions on illegal drugs which I totally understand!
Oh and OP good luck with your OH, I hope you manage to sort things out and have a happy and healthy pregnancy!
XxX

 

[ippa]

*fabwisp* even! Bloody iPhone changes random things lol!
XxX

 

[stephj25]

Hi guys

I just wanted to say that I hope everyone is ok after this thread, this is obviously a subject that has forced people to express their opinions and try to get their point across - there are massive differences of opinion and that which most people feel very strongly about, this has caused havoc within this thread. Although I haven't expressed any opinion, I think that the thread should be deleted as it isn't fair to those involved.

chin up everyone. Try not to let other peoples opinions get to you - to all