Rant

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by abcd1234, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    I've had a few problems with my OH sicne becoming pregnant, baby wasnt planned and we hadnt been together long, after running away from me and hiding his head in the sand for a month hes been back for just over a month, things had been going quite well and we'd talked a lot about the chanes he would need to ake to his life if he seriously wants to be a part of the babies life and a partner to me.
    Anyway, wednesday we went to my midwife appointment and it was a prefect day, we chatted for ages and spent the entire day together, went to the gym and he took me out for dinner and cuddles after, he told me that he'd been thinking seriously and was going to cut down his drinking (its a bit worrying as he grasps any oportunity to drink atm) and start talking to me more instead of ignoring me for days. So anyway everything was great and i seriously thought he was going to try.
    Thursday he went out for his mates B'day (i knew about this) and friday morning work rang me asking if i knew where he was as he'd not turned up wouldnt take calls and was going to be sacked if he didnt ring with a good explaination. SO it turns out he went out got so wrecked he got in a fight (again) has a black eye and bruising, and to make it worse he'd met up with some girl from work he knows i dont like the idea of him seeing (she had a HUGE thing for him). he makes me look so stupid, i dont care if he goes out and gets drunk, it the fact i have to deal with the fall out afer wards. All weekend at work everyones been asking if he has a problem and interfearing. He thinks this is normal 19yr old boy behaviour but i dont know anyone else who gets in fights everytime they go out, im not sure i want him around my child if hes going to be like this and he has a history of drugs as well, he promises me he hasnt touched coke since i've known him but i know hes been smoking weed again.
    When i tried to talk to him about this yesterday he got really annoyed and wouldnt talk, saying he didnt care and why was i so bothered what he did (should be fucking obvious that i care cos i love him) then after about an hour of not talking he appologized, but its not good enough anymore. Hes hurting me and god knows what i should do.
    I do beleive he loves me in his own way, he's just not used to showing emoitons, and when he tries to say he loves me he obviusly feels a little uncomfortable, he also got really upset last week as some bitch in work thought it would be fun to tell him im using him and intend ot leave him and bring up his child with someone else, i know he cried it upset him so much and some people saw him.
    rant over for now lol,. though im sure he'll do more this week! Dont know what to do abotu him anymore
    Clare x
     
  2. fran_23

    fran_23 Well-Known Member

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    i had some similar problems with my OH he worked in a pub and he used
    to stay and drink with his colleagues after- the more i nagged him the further away i drove him- he'd stay out all night sometimes and then be all sorry the next day- i was soft and always accepted his apologies.
    i think i made it worse coz he thought he could get away with it-in hindsight i know i should have ended it with him and shown him what he was missing but i was too afraid to lose him!
    the say you dont know what you've got till its gone- maybe you should show him what he has, it will be really hard and hurt a lot but if he loves you he will try and change to get you and your unborn child back in his life- if you love something set it free if it comes back its yours forever! if it doesnt its not worth the pain!
     
  3. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    he needs 2 sort himself out, he's gonna be A FATHER!
    im sorry its a toughie this one idk what advise 2 give- but u do need 2 hav a serious chat with him about this. good luck :hug:
     
  4. clairescunny55

    clairescunny55 Well-Known Member

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    :hug: men :roll: maybe it hasnt sunk in with him yet, or maybe he needs a good shove up the ass :lol:
     
  5. MissSara

    MissSara Well-Known Member

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    Sadly my ex was the same when i was expecting harrison which caused us to part whilst i was pregnant.
    It sounds like this man needs to grow up and start excepting that he's going to be a father and if he was man enough to become a father he needs to grow up and fast. You and the LO need to come first now not his mates.
     
  6. keli

    keli Well-Known Member

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    :hug: know how your feeling.. they always lure us into a false sense of security, him coming to m/w appoint the talking and closeness you think you know where your upto then a few days later they excact the same!!! :wall: its so hard but at the moment it sounds like he would be better off not in your life doubley hard when you work with him tho he's in your face all the time. you need to be focusing all your attention on you and your growing bump not on your fella that really sounds like he needs to grow up!.. like fran says set him free if he comes back... xx
     
  7. mamichuli

    mamichuli Well-Known Member

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    Hun, this kid has issues he needs to deal with, and I use the word "kid" advisedly. He very obviously has an addiction prob, drink, drugs - and what is more, the responsability of a peanut. :shock: (maybe I am being unkind to peanuts here :rotfl: ) If he wants to be part of your life and your child's, he needs to hold on to his job and put his obligations FIRST, non-negotiable, not maybe, not sometimes, not when it is convenient, a bd party is great, you go out have a drink with mates, go home, sleep, go to work the next day. No exceptions. I know this is hard and that he, as you say, thinks it is normal 19 yr old behaviour, but think of two things: One, he is going to be a Dad - which maybe isn't common 19 yr old behaviour, cant have it both ways and Two; if he gets this bad when he drinks now, what will he be like in five, ten years time. It is progressive, I promise you, I lived with this for fifteen years, and I CANNOT stress enough how important your decision is now.
    Thing is, he obviously has a problem with violence when he drinks, and it is only a matter of time before he turns it on you - I am not trying to be nasty, but it is the natural progression of these things, especially because he will feel guilty over letting you down and then lash out.

    I am sorry for the long post, but I feel very strongly about this, in case you ladies hadnt noticed - :oops: . Thing is hun, dont want you to find yourself three years down the road from now with a toddler hanging on to your knees and saying "no daddy, no daddy", trying to get away from him. It is something I will never forget, and although she has no concious memory of this, she hates the smell of alcohol on someones breath... :x :cry:
    Dont let him do this to you,

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Pm me if you want, I will be happy to "listen"...
    Lisa
     
  8. mamichuli

    mamichuli Well-Known Member

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    OMG :shock: I think I kinda stopped the thread in its tracks! Sorry abcd 1234, wasnt my intention to come across so strong. :(

    At the end of the day it is up to you to decide what is right for you and LO and whatever you decide will be right for you.

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Lisa
     

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