OH is a weed smoker... advice please.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by fabwisp, Aug 3, 2011.

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  1. fabwisp

    fabwisp Well-Known Member

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    Ok I have been with my partner for almost a year. I knew he smoked weed when we got together and he knew I didn't like it, but he didn't smoke it around me so I could turn a blind eye to it. After all it's his body.

    I'm now 10 and a half weeks pregnant. He has promised since we found out I was expecting he would quit. But that he needed to wean himself off it as he has been a daily smoker for over 20 years and he was addicted. So I said ok.

    That was 6 weeks ago. He claims he has cut down considerably. I don't agree. At the point he said he would cut down he was between jobs and smoking day and night. Now back in full time employment, althugh he doesn't smoke whilst at work, in the evenings at on days off he still smokes the same as he did then. So yes technically he has cut down, but only cause he won't smoke it at work!

    i don't know how long to give him, before I say enough is enough. He knows that me and him will be finished if he doesn't quit. I don't want a "stoner" as a father for my child. I don't want to look like I condone it to my new child and that it is acceptable.

    in every other way this man is perfect and I love him to bits. Am I over reacting?

    xxx
     
  2. titch

    titch Well-Known Member

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    I wouldnt say youre overreacting hun. :hug:

    Youve got your standards and youve told him what they are, its up to him whether he meets them or not. I really wouldnt let this slide now though, you may aswell tell him he can do what he likes cos you wont call him on it. Stick up for yourself and remind him that you are an amazing woman, who deserves better than a pot smoking father for her child.
     
  3. fabwisp

    fabwisp Well-Known Member

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    but how long do i give him before asking him to move out? theres still along way to go until bump arrives... but i'm not stupid, can't help but wonder wether he really has any intention of giving up x
     
  4. titch

    titch Well-Known Member

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    you'll have to ask him outright, perhaps set a quit date together. Plan some nice activites the following weekend to keep him on track. I suppose you need to know that he's really commited to having the type of life you want too. If you both have different ideas of how things will be, one, or both of you wont be happy :hug:
     
  5. fabwisp

    fabwisp Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. That sounds a good idea. I shall talk to him tonight. Just hope it doesn't turn in to a row !
     
  6. kirstymichelle

    kirstymichelle Well-Known Member

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    I dont really see a problem to be honest as you said you got with him committed enough to make a life with him all whilst knowing he has a smoke , if it really bothered you that much then why commit in such a BIG way? Everyone has a vice! mine is chocolate eating ans it just so happens the OH is a smoke! never out in public , never to the extent he cant function , just to relax after work . I can never change this about him , i dont drink , smoke nothing but he comes as i found him, the only thing he's stopping for is to TTC but i wouldnt ask him to quit for life its his choice . Your OH does he go out drinking? pub all evening /weekend? as a lot of men do? mine doesn't he prefers to be at home with me. I dont see him as a 'stoner' it doesn't affect him in that way , its just his " can of beer " in the evening after a hard days graft
     
  7. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I have to say I don't think smoking weed is acceptable where children are involved. I agree you should ask him to give up now lo's are in the picture, I think he has to be more responsible than to be involved with drugs now he's a dad. Good luck hun x
     
  8. kirstymichelle

    kirstymichelle Well-Known Member

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    Shouldn't have created a life then until he gave up smoking if it's going to cause all this?? she knew he smoked .
     
  9. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Whilst smoking is up to each individual, weed is actually illegal.
     
  10. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    It is and is proven to cause all manner of psychological and physiological problems both in the short and long term.
     
  11. tinytoes

    tinytoes Well-Known Member

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    Also can be dangerous , a close friend suffers with psychosis and has been hospitalised , he will never been the same again :( he was a very heavy smoker . I think you need to tell hima nice way to set a date to give up and distract him with other things a hobby of some kind or another vice ? xxx
     
  12. tinytoes

    tinytoes Well-Known Member

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    Beat me to it :)
     
  13. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I think you're missing her point completely. She said she turned a blind eye as it was his body but there is a lo to take into account now and I think she's quite right to say " look, it's not about you now, it's about lo's health and well-being"
     
  14. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    With tobacco smokers they recommend not getting close to babies for half an hour or so because of the chemicals, imagine how much more stuff there is in weed?
     
  15. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I'd also be concerned having weed in a house with a lo x
     
  16. Sparkle24

    Sparkle24 Well-Known Member

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    From knowing someone who smoked weed.

    He wont give it up, they say they will but will just carry on. If i was you i would be kicking him in to touch asap. give up or get out. I would rather be a single mum than have my child around that.
     
  17. Jaxx01

    Jaxx01 Well-Known Member

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    I was about to come on here and post the same thing... even if it's just one joint in the evening, he will then be around baby releasing all sorts of harmful fumes :( I would not want that around my child.

    The fact is there is now a baby to think about regardless of the ins and outs of should they or shouldnt they!!!

    I would seriously have a gentle word with hi and explain the full reason why you want him to quit. unless you have hard facts etc some men just hear it as 'blah blah blah, nag, nag, nag' lol

    xx
     
  18. fabwisp

    fabwisp Well-Known Member

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    i never actually wanted any more children. i have 3 from a previous relationship. I caught whilst on the pill.
    I've been a single mum for the last 6 years and was quite happy with the relationship as it was. he didn't live with me and just visited and we went out. It's only since finding out i was expecting that things have got more "serious".
     
  19. fabwisp

    fabwisp Well-Known Member

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    I understand what you are saying. but it does affect his ability to function. He doesn't think it does but i can see with my own eyes.
    things have changed due to catching (it was an accident). he has moved in and that part of his life is now around me. Before it was in his own time, not OUR time.
     
  20. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    It's insane to compare weed to eating a bar of chocolate or having a beer - weed is illegal!!! :wall:
     
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