I'm so upset, can anyone help or offer some advice?

[monkeycharmer]

Hi All

I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my second child. I already have an 8 month old son.

The problem is that my husband told me last night that he doesn't feel the way he used to about me. He said he doesn't enjoy spending his time with me as much as he used to and that he sees me as more of a mother now rather than a wife. He suggested our relationship (almost 9 years together) may have run it's course. I've basically been crying for the last 24 hours, I haven't eaten, I can't think straight and feel sad when I look at my beautiful son. I genuinely thought we were soul mates and this has hit me like a bolt out of the blue - I had no idea.

He's been a bit down and frustrated with work and money worries recently so I just thought that was the problem. A couple of weeks back he also had a bit of a wobble when he was looking after our son on his own for the evening, saying maybe he's 'not cut out for this'.

We slept in seperate rooms last night which is the first time ever. I could see he felt bad this morning as he could see from my puffy eyes that I hadn't stopped crying all night. I don't want his sympathy, or for him to stay with me out of guilt - I want him to love me like he used to. He told me that he loved me still but my sense is that he doesn't love me anymore. I wonder if he's kidding himself.

He called this afternoon to say 'hello' as if nothing had happened. I was still crying. He said not to worry about anything and that we are 'solid' together. He then said he's just under a lot of pressure at work. I'm not sure I believe him as looking back on it now, I swear he tried to split up with me about 3 weeks back but I just thought he was messing about. He obviously wasn't.

Has anyone else been through this? What happened in your situation? Absolutely any help, advice or insight would be incredibly helpful. Thank you very much in advance.

V x

 

[LisaJ1986]

First of all
Maybe it is the pressure of work and money. I've been through a rocky patch where another woman was involved and he was confused still loved me/doesn't love me etc and it was hard. Not saying someone else is involved in this case just that i've had the mixed emotions. He used to call me, i could call him whenever etc. It was such a confusing time.
He does however need to grow up and accept the fact he is a father. Whether he's 'cut out for it' or not it's still happening. He still has a son and another child on the way.
You need to sit down and talk about the events from the passed 24hours! He needs to tell you exactly what he's thinking and feeling and work from there!
No matter what you will be fine. You have your children to think about it and they will get you through whatever happens.

 

[dannii87]

Hun I have no advice whatsoever!! I really hope you rekindle the love that *may* or may not have been lost somewhere so that you both get back on track again xx

 

[loz]

 

[lisa&alex]

is there anyone you could go and stay with for a few days? personally i would go and get a bit of space he wil soon realise what he will be loosing..

 

[MagicMarkers]

 

[EllieBelle]

I agree with lisa&alex - if possible try and get away for a few days, with your son - dont go into detail with your OH on where you are going, just tell him you need some time to yourself to think - go and stay with a friend or just go to a B&B near the sea for a couple of days - and have some "you" time!

Just see how things change when you are making the decisions and not him!

If you have been together for that long he cant just announce such unkind things.........of course things have changed a little, you are now a mother, the same as he is now a father - time to grow up and accept our responsibilities (him not you).

Currently he is very much in control of this situation and calling all the shots, and you need to equal things out a little!

I hope it all works out well...............and try and stay strong

 

[lfc_sarah]

Aw babe

Im not sure what to suggest really as ive never been in that situation

I hope things arent over for youse

 

[kirstyxxx]

after i had charlotte me and the oh had a rough patch. everything has changed and that can take some getting used to.

from his view he is probably not feeling as close to you which is natural as you have a baby to look after and you are pregnant. that is such a difficult and hard situation and men just don't seem to expect that things will change.

it sounds like he does regret it and it might have just been a "stupid" moment.

i am sure if you just stick at it everything will work out and you will adjust to your new roles.

i looked at it like this:
men are big babies and their attention is reduced when an actual baby arrives- but they get over it!

 

[nori]

Aww hun.. i was in a similar situation when i came out of hospital last year but i didnt have any children so there wasnt all those issues to contend with aswell. My OH's ex was also causing added trouble. Its the most horrible feeling in the world and i can imagine its a thousand times worse when you have children together.

I agree with the others.. you should put some space between you. It will go one of two ways.. he will either realise what hes losing or he will realise its not what he wants. I wouldnt be surprised if hes just freaking out about his job/future etc and this is his way of dealing with it.

I really hope you sort things out.

Claire x

 

[CoreysMummy]

I have nothing to add but a few...



I am so sorry. I hope you two can sort it out! xxx

 

[cez8457]

Hi
I sorry to here about this. I had a similar problem, everyone even now will tell me that it was post natal depression but i know it was my boyfriend. The first 10 months after i had my daughter were the worst months of my relationship with my boyfriend and it was only my daughter that kept me going. In the end the rows meant that i started to resent my bf, he told me so many times to go and move out he didnt want to be with me, he told me id changed. I packed my bags so many times and was ready to go to my parents, but i never told any of my family about the problems we were having, so in the end id stay in my house with my bf. After about the 10month something changed in me and him, he came home one night after being out with some mates (drunk) and told me he did love me and wanted to be with me and would do what ever it took to get back on track. The next morning he was true to his word and we are stronger now than ever. Maybe you should take time out apart, and see if he comes to his sences. They do tend to take thier problems(work etc) out on the ones they love the most. I use to write my bf a letter explaining how i was feeling as when id try and talk to him we use to just row, he'd write a letter back and open up in it, so many thats an idea for you. explain you can go on the way things are.

Hope my experiance has helped you a little.

xxxx