**** October Testing Thread****

[Sunflower1]

So DH and I had an upsetting conversation last night. He feels that I have been placing too much pressure on him and that he feels like I am doubting his performance. I was heartbroken that he would ever feel that way, I was more heartbroken that I am the reason he feels that way ...and all because I showed him my chart and he saw that I was marking off every time we did the dance... so, I have put away my thermometer and I am not going to chart anymore. Honestly, I don't care anymore. I don't care when I ovulate and if we "did the dance" and I don't care if I ever get pregnant. I feel horrible about everything.

I think I have just given up.

Oh hun, I'm sorry. It's not necessarily your fault. I think this whole process is incredibly stressful for guys. We just think we are being sensible by charting but they see it as pressure. Maybe a month off or something might help and just have fun. We had to do that when the pressure got too much. I saw a study that said after 6 months TTC a very high percentage of men were having performance problems. I imagine the rest were feeling the stress as well. We had similar problems, which is why we switched to AI - it takes the pressure off completely.

Don't feel too guilty - you were just doing what a lot of us are doing, trying your hardest to get pregnant. xx

 

[rainbow.23]

Sorry you're having a tough time KatD, ttc is a really tough time for a couple. It can make us doubt our abilities as a woman/man, and I know men often react to feeling sadness or self doubt as anger, so don't worry he will come round.

I have felt a lot of guilt to my husband for losing our son, and I bet your partner is feeling some of the same things about wanting to give you a baby. My husband constantly reassures me it isn't my fault and he doesn't blame me, which really helps. I suppose communication is always the key to these things.

sending hugs x

 

[KatD]

Thank you to each and every one who responded xxx this forum means so much because of you ladies. It's a place where I was able to come to and share what I was feeling without judgement or having to explain myself. Each and every one of you delivers such a valuable input...thank you from the bottom of my heart xxx

 

[Alexis2017]

I would def agree about taking some time out...go for some date nights and get that romance part back. I would love to do more dates and go out mkre but we are so skint paying holidays and buying studf for new house.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

It's so tough I can see relate to this. We have struggled from time to time over the years as I have a higher sex drive than OH but we ve always made it work....but then since ttc it's magnified things. For us it is see all about communication and often premtive communication so I know when we he's not feeling up to it rather than taking it to heart if he knocks me back cos he's tired. My OH can only get in the mood when we have had time together beforehand to relax. It can be frustrating as a few times I've thought let's just crack on but I've made a real concious effort this month to put his feelings first and it seems to have worked. Plus if we have caught then it will be during passionate loving sex rather than a DTD mission just to get the swimmers.

It's such an emotional rollercoaster we are all on and I second the thanks for this forum.....its been so valuable to me to just be able to vent to ladies going through the same tough time x

 

[Ttc1234]

Oh sorry you're feeling like this katd! How long have you been trying? My oh struggles with every second night - he gets a little fed up with it. Ttc is so hard..no one ever told us it'd be like this "hugs"

 

[Pidgeridoo]

Sorry you're having a tough time KatD! Alot of girls on here seem to be having a rough October! I'm out this month, I don't even know why I thought I could be in to be honest! I have given up hope of ever getting a natural BFP I'll be patiently postman watching everyday now until I get my first appointment letter for the fertility clinic! I've also got our friends newborn to visit on Saturday with AF there as my big slap in the face reminder of that we may never a newborn ourselves I was also visiting my mum today and she had met a friend she hadn't seen in a while. This friend asked her if she was a granny yet and of course she had to say no (I'm an only child)! She looked disappointed as she told the story I just hope someday I can make her a granny, she would be amazing!

 

[treetrunks]

I think in general alot of men dont really understand the importance of timing. I think especially they dislike being told what to do and feel that its the 'superiority' of their seed that can make a woman pregnant not the science of a sperm meeting the egg at the right time.
If he's the alpha male type he will probably like to initiate sex when his drive, energy and confidence dictate. It's a bit about the male ego and control.
My oh won't have his sperm analysis done, because of his ego really. He doesn't want to be told it could be anything to do with him. Or told he should give up smoking.
So I never tell him when im fertile, instead I tell him how handsome he looks etc etc , massage his ego a bit more in my fertile period and it seems to work lol.
Men can be even more sensitive about their fertility than women although they may not say so, so when we are taking the lead doing the calculations etc and its still not happening then we also tend to get the blame.
Im sure everything will slip into place again katd, just takes a little push and pull sometimes to crank it up again.
Xxx

 

[JaneyJan]

I think in general alot of men dont really understand the importance of timing. I think especially they dislike being told what to do and feel that its the 'superiority' of their seed that can make a woman pregnant not the science of a sperm meeting the egg at the right time.
If he's the alpha male type he will probably like to initiate sex when his drive, energy and confidence dictate. It's a bit about the male ego and control.
My oh won't have his sperm analysis done, because of his ego really. He doesn't want to be told it could be anything to do with him. Or told he should give up smoking.
So I never tell him when im fertile, instead I tell him how handsome he looks etc etc , massage his ego a bit more in my fertile period and it seems to work lol.
Men can be even more sensitive about their fertility than women although they may not say so, so when we are taking the lead doing the calculations etc and its still not happening then we also tend to get the blame.
Im sure everything will slip into place again katd, just takes a little push and pull sometimes to crank it up again.
Xxx

Omg I couldn't have put it better myself. YES.
when I've said things like, look, I get it but at the end of the day, sperm and egg need to meet, I used to get a look like I was growing horns from the side of my face. Plus sometimes they just need reminding of the fact that they're loved. But omg, you hit the nail on the head here.
KatD... It'll be OK! Xx

 

[_GG_]

I'll consider myself lucky. I'll tell Dan it's a good day as I'm about to get a positive opk and his response is usually worded something like, "Well get yourself ready baby and I'll do my best to thoroughly disappoint you when I ger home". And he gets home and we end up having probably more fun than we usually do, lol

 

[Alexis2017]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

 

[_GG_]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

 

[treetrunks]

I'll consider myself lucky. I'll tell Dan it's a good day as I'm about to get a positive opk and his response is usually worded something like, "Well get yourself ready baby and I'll do my best to thoroughly disappoint you when I ger home". And he gets home and we end up having probably more fun than we usually do, lol

Haha I was asleep last night when oh came in from work , he got in bed and started with the usual and I said "aren't you too tired?"
He thought I said "Im too tired"
He was really put out because I've been avoiding DTD a bit over the last couple of days and he said Id been asleep 'all day' (I had a nap in the afternoon) but was soon happy again when I corrected him and responded 'appropriately'

 

[_GG_]

Hahaaa, men are so funny ��

 

[Alexis2017]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

Hmmm we have been dtd full week before pos opk and 3 days in row from 1st opk every month since jan amd nada so I just thought maybe we are missing it as egg could appear 3 or 4 days after?I guess I just wish I knew the answer as to why it has never happened. I'm healthy bmi, i eat gluten free as coeliac disease and I exersise2nd cook all my meals from scratch. Feeeeddd upppp

 

[treetrunks]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

Hmmm we have been dtd full week before pos opk and 3 days in row from 1st opk every month since jan amd nada so I just thought maybe we are missing it as egg could appear 3 or 4 days after?I guess I just wish I knew the answer as to why it has never happened. I'm healthy bmi, i eat gluten free as coeliac disease and I exersise2nd cook all my meals from scratch. Feeeeddd upppp

Maybe just try every other day or every 3 days all the way through your cycle?
But I think probably relaxing is a big part of it.
Another woman I knew had to cut out wine because she was allergic to it and apparently it was affecting her.
She did have reflexology and massage and alsorts of other stuff as well though.
I know you said you tried agnus castus but maybe other stuff? I took AC for the first half of this cycle, plus b12, vitC, lots of fresh smoothies.
And the law of attraction, if you believe it can happen it is more likely to. Even if it does take a while.
It's strange but I conceived my eldest in autumn too. Maybe im more fertile at this time of year? Who knows xxx

 

[_GG_]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

Hmmm we have been dtd full week before pos opk and 3 days in row from 1st opk every month since jan amd nada so I just thought maybe we are missing it as egg could appear 3 or 4 days after?I guess I just wish I knew the answer as to why it has never happened. I'm healthy bmi, i eat gluten free as coeliac disease and I exersise2nd cook all my meals from scratch. Feeeeddd upppp

It sounds bizarre but you may be dtd too much and not having enough with dtd every day around actual ovulation. Have you been to the gp?

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Really feel for you Alexis I'm frustrated after only 5 months properly ttc so can only imagine how you feel. On a positive note you must be coming up to long enough to see the gp and get reassurance that everything is all ok. It's still quite possible that the numbers game just not played fair yet and you could catch any month so try not to give up hope. Sending hugs your way x

 

[Alexis2017]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

Hmmm we have been dtd full week before pos opk and 3 days in row from 1st opk every month since jan amd nada so I just thought maybe we are missing it as egg could appear 3 or 4 days after?I guess I just wish I knew the answer as to why it has never happened. I'm healthy bmi, i eat gluten free as coeliac disease and I exersise2nd cook all my meals from scratch. Feeeeddd upppp

Maybe just try every other day or every 3 days all the way through your cycle?
But I think probably relaxing is a big part of it.
Another woman I knew had to cut out wine because she was allergic to it and apparently it was affecting her.
She did have reflexology and massage and alsorts of other stuff as well though.
I know you said you tried agnus castus but maybe other stuff? I took AC for the first half of this cycle, plus b12, vitC, lots of fresh smoothies.
And the law of attraction, if you believe it can happen it is more likely to. Even if it does take a while.
It's strange but I conceived my eldest in autumn too. Maybe im more fertile at this time of year? Who knows xxx

I already take vit c and d...omega 3 zinc folic acid etc you name it- i take it. I eat smoothies and only eat unprocessed food. I drink nettle peppermit tea in the morbing I have been doing lots of positive thoughts and visualisation this month. I go to yoga and had reflexology start of this week. I don't drink any alcohol unless I am on af and even then its 1 or 2 gins the whole week as I am on slimming world. I can't really do much more. I know girls who are hugely over weight, eat take aways every week and fall pregnant 1st time trying. I don't think it's my life style that's stopping this from happening tbh

 

[Alexis2017]

My DH just says tell me when and where but after like 5 days of dtd every 2nd then 3 days in a row he just seems to think thats enough but I am sure wè need to dtd for a longer time frame after tbe positive opk. I have now realised I need to just start later so we cover the later end ...So that's my next plan !

You might need to start earlier to be honest. Best way is to have sperm waiting. If you wait for a positive opk, you can ovulate as soon as 12 hours later and then only have 24 hours to conceive but during that 24 hours, the egg will be deteriorating. Any sex after that won't help. You can ovulate up to 72hours after a positive opk but it's more likely 12-36. Dtd in the days before the positive opk means you have sperm there ready and waiting xx

Hmmm we have been dtd full week before pos opk and 3 days in row from 1st opk every month since jan amd nada so I just thought maybe we are missing it as egg could appear 3 or 4 days after?I guess I just wish I knew the answer as to why it has never happened. I'm healthy bmi, i eat gluten free as coeliac disease and I exersise2nd cook all my meals from scratch. Feeeeddd upppp

It sounds bizarre but you may be dtd too much and not having enough with dtd every day around actual ovulation. Have you been to the gp?

Yeah gp checked my ovulation bloods and was 44 so said was more than adequate. DH had sperm analysis and is all above average results. Going to the assisted conception clinic on Wedndesday afternoon for our 1dt appt. I mean my mum is 1 of 7, my gran is one of 5 and I am a twin. My mum fell pregnant 2nd time trying and 4th time trying for baby 2. I don't get what is going wrong. We have covered days leading up tp the lh surge and the lh surge its self and never veen lucky. I have regular periods. I just think my tubes must be blocked or maybe I habe something wrong with my uterus? I don't get it.