my relationships over *warning long post*

[keli]

Had been seeing my OH since april we started living together in june and found out i was pregnant in sept he told me he didnt want baby , it wasnt planned, but i thought he just needed some time to take everything in, well he seemed to have come round to the idea or i thought he had but he walked out last thurs and i had not seen or heard from him until today. I rang him as i wanted him to move stuff out of spare bedroom as the walls looked like there were getting damp... anyway he told me he had not got in contact with me as he wanted me to get the message we were finished.. coward.. could he have not just sat down and talked to me?.. said he not been happy that he felt like topping himself!! that im a idiot and stupid and he thinks im a bunny boiler!! am shaking my head in disbelive as i type this!!.. men!!! im ok with the fact that we are finished if he going to be like this then i dont want him in my life.. but just keep thinking about my baby with no dad.. have texted him tonight asking him just to do one thing for me and that is to register baby when born with me it really important that baby knows who is dad is to me even if he doesnt want to see baby i would feel so bad if the father part on birth cert was left blank hes not replied but that fine as he's got lots of time to think about it.. just needed him to know how important that to me. sorry for such a long post and if u,ve got this far thanks for reading xx

re the bunny boiler.. i admit we have had some arguments and i have gone mad but my hormones and all.. moaned to him about him staying out till half five in morn but i dont think that too bad!!
hes 36 yrs old never lived with anyone has had a 10 yr relationship that ended at begin of yr but he came and went as pleased she let him do what he wanted he spent all weekend on piss then went to hers mon tues wed to recouperate then back on piss with pals. doormat if you ask me!!

 

[Krystal]

TBH you sound like you are gonna be better off without him hun. He sounds like a prick and if my OH stayed out till 5:30am I'd be kicking off too. That don't make you a bunny boiler. He sounds like an immature prick

You deserve and will get better than that

 

[sophie-jordan]

sory 2 hear that hun, but sweetcheeks is right, you and your baby will be better of without him!
all the best
xxxx

 

[Sammystar]

Some men are such complete t**sers! You are definitely better off without him. At 36's years old, you'd think he's have grown up by now

How will you manage financially? Has he agreed to help out?

 

[keli]

Thanks ladies I've not asked about the money side of things i suppose it will come up but if i have to cope on my own i'll have too i do work full time and can't claim anything at mo but when baby born and i am on maternity leave i will see what i'm entiltulled (sp) to. I rent where i live so will see about housing benefit will have to see have a supportive family so i know they will help all they can. TBH i can't really be bothered bringing it all up with him think we just need distance to heal abit then we'll take from there. He's text back and said that baby knowing who dad is is important to him too. so that good. I know he sound horribles just think he a tpyical male whos had it far too good for far too long ( hes ex of a doormat) and hes just a very selfish person becos hes only had himself to think of and can only put himself first!! Hes said that he can't believe hes got himself in this situation and it's the worst thing thats happened to him!! Told him its the best thing thats ever happened to me!! cant wait to meet my LO xxx

 

[abcd1234]

MEN!!!!!
the bunny boiler things takes the piss he's well aware you're pregnant he should know your going to have moments, everyone does.
he sounds so immature for someone of that age, in fact he sounds like my OH and hes 19 and was never so rude to me when he freaked out!!!
Even if all you have out of him when the baby is born is his name on the birth certificate it's at least him accepting it, that was all that i was bothered about when he freaked out, i jsut wanted my baby to know where he came from and have at least some chance of knowing his father later on.
I guess its all stress you really dont need if you know in oyur heart you can do this alone then you'll be fine, even though my OH is back now i'm so weary of him doing it again that i still look at everything for my baby beng done by me, i refuse to rely upon him for anything because i dont think i can trust him to be there. You've jsut gotta look forward to having your baby and the joy that will bring to you
Clare x

 

[mummykay]

wtf is wrong with some 'men'?????

tell him to take a running jump off a cliff, hes not worthy of breathin the same air as u and ur baby so sod him, just take his money!!!!

 

[MissSara]

Some men just dont realise how lucky they really are.
You and your baby are better off on your own, all the best xxx

 

[dannii87]

Hi Keli,

My heart goes out to you.

I found out I was pregnant just before Xmas and my OH was over the moon (or so I thought), he proposed Xmas day and left the following Saturday never to return. He doesn't want to be part of the baby's life, wants to pay no money at all and doesn't want to be on the birth certificate.

At first I was devastated but I've got my head around it now and can only focus on me and the baby!

Babe, forget mr "I'm #1" for a while. Leave him to make his own decision and stew in his own mess. HE made this decision, not you, so don't you feel bad. OK, OK, doing it alone is not ideal, BUT... You're not the first and DEFINITELY not the last single mum and people get through it and can end up having a much happier life apart (including baby)!

If being the best mum and best dad to baby means doing it apart, I think that can only be a good thing.

Just think, one day baby will look at you and thank you for all you've done to protect him/her. Having your LO will no doubt be the best thing that's ever happened to you... Focus on that chick, you'll be fine!

(P.S I'm really happy for you that he wants to be there - even part time - if that works for you then try to keep things friendly to avoid any further arguments... and unnecessary stress for you!)

Keep us posted, thinking of you xx

 

[littlepip]

I have been in almost exactly the same situation so i can completely sympathise!! My babies dad didnt want this baby to start with but came round to the idea and its been great ever since, Cos of my hormones and situation at the moment i admit i ahvent been the easiest person to live with and he hadnt told his parents about me or the baby yet and im 7 months gone! so i 'accidently' sent a text to his house phone so now his parents know. and now he doesnt want anything to do with me or the baby , he hates me and ive ruined his life but the way i see it is if he is that selfish and childish he can piss off if he wants to! just means i have one baby to look after instead of 2!!! You will be fine and so will i completely agree with the birth certificate thing. im hoping he will come and put his name on there but i ahvent asked him yet, i doubt he will tho but at the end of the day its a peice of paper and it doesnt change who the dad is and he's the one missing out xxxx

 

[keli]

Well... emailed ex with list for baby stuff as he did say he'd pay half on sunday and he rang me this morning...only took him 5 dys to reply! said he'd pay. after talking for a while i asked if he wanted to see baby after he born and he told me that next mth he is going to thailand to stay with a friend who owns a bar and if it any good he's going to sell up here and move over there as theres nothing here for him anymore. that prob in best interest for baby if he doesn't see him and that he feels totally detacted from me and the baby and that if he did see baby then he thinks he'll feel nothing for him. says he's just trying to be honest and that only time will tell. been in bed all day crying

 

[dannii87]

That is so wierd, I was just going to PM you and ask how everything was going!

Oh my god babe, you're not alone. My ex has run off to Greece and is currently living the life of Riley spending money he doesn't have and has got away and forgotten that there is a little baby here getting ready to enter the world.

Please do not panic. It's easy to do. He's probably angry or feeling down at the moment and who is the best person to hurt when he's down? You! That's probably how he's seeing it.

Sounds like HE has a lot of growing up to do, let him go to Thailand, one day he'll come crawling back desperate to see his baby. If that doesn't happen, then you know where you stand.

Just focus on baby. You're passed the half way mark, not long to go now.

You'll be a fantastic mum and all baby will need is you.

If you ever need to vent or talk about things, feel free to PM me. There are a lot of women on here going it alone and the most important thing to remember is that he made the decision, not you, so please do not feel guilty.

Don't cry

Also, just thought, when my ex left me I wrote a list of all the things I hated about him in the first place. His greed, selfishness, lack of backbone etc - then next to it I wrote all my postives. Maturity, I'm loving, I'm strong etc and looking at his weaknesses and my strengths made me think "hang on a minute, who needs you matey?! Certainly not me and certainly not my baby!"

No-one deserves instability, and if that's all he can offer then you and baby are better off without him.

Lots of love to you xxx

 

[keli]

Thanks Dannii.. you sound soo strong!!! Good on you! Wish i was feeling like that. Its unbelievable that they can just run off and forget things wish i could just turn him off in my thoughts and just think about me and my
LO just seems he's ALL i can think about!! Its doing my head in! Also feel so guilty as i should be so happy about the baby and i just feel i'm under a black cloud because of what ex is doing need to get over him just not too sure its that easy when i have his baby inside of me. Do you and your ex have no contact at all? x

 

[dannii87]

Aww I really feel for you.

You will get through it. It will be tough though, believe me! I went through a stage of about 2 weeks shut myself off from the world because I felt like I'd let down my baby by letting Gray walk away scot free, there was nothing I could do though!

Give yourself a bit of time to get your head around it - although you'll probably never understand it! I don't, I can't understand how someone who calls himself a man can put the blame on me for getting pregnant! I'm even past the stage of hating him now. It's like any emotion is void for him.

Just think, the chances are that they'll come crawling back after babies are born and at that point, we'll be so protective of our LOs that the decision (if we even make it) to let them back in will be on our bloody tough terms!

Nope, no contact at all. He's made himself uncontactable though, he's moved, changed his mobile number, deleted me off every website he has a profile on so I can't check where he is or what he's doing. I haven't bothered contacting him since he begged me not to contact him anymore.

How about you? Is he still contacting you or vice versa?

I think that's what's got me through, no contact. Doesn't work for everyone though.

Thinking of you babe - feel free to PM me whenever you like!

xx

 

[keli]

Thanks for your reply Dannii How are you feeling about everything? I agree it is easier with no contact, you know where your up to and its easier to move on i think. But it now seems that he wants to be friends met up with him last night and had a chat i ended up screaming at him and crying in the middle of heaton park!! lol. well he did ask ' whats the big deal with me moving to thailand' he hasn't got a clue!! you wouldn't believe he was 36! told him if thats what he decides then thats it no contact at all somehow he thinks it would be ok just to turn up for visits a couple of times a year.. don't think so! But if he decides not to move to thailand then i'm willing to put my feelings aside for the sake of the baby and we can start a fresh as friends.. hoping it will be that easy. Funny really as i know that me and him aren't going to work but i still want him back just think its natural of me to want to build my nest and to have a perfect mummy and daddy situation, silly really.
How are you littlepip? Have you heard from your ex? xx

 

[Babylicious]

 

[Llys]

You're both not alone girls.

I've had no contact with my baby's sperm doner (can't really call him the "father" the way he acted) for five months now.

It still hurts inside, I still want to go and see him even! (madness!)

In a couple of weeks I'm going to write to him and ask him for the money to buy a pram for the baby - who knows where that'll get me though!

 

[dannii87]

That's what I call mine! Sperm doner, so true!

I really admire that you are going to contact him. I'm far too stubborn.. Why should they get away scot free though? To live their life like nothing has happened? It takes two to make a baby and if we're doing 99% of it on our own, they should at least pay towards it!

Argh wish I knew where he was now so I even had the option of contacting him. Even though, I know the response I will get is "no"

Good luck with the letter, let us know how you get on with that!

xx

 

[Llys]

Nah don't admire it, you probably have it better by not having any option of contact or being able to contact.

Like you I've had msn blocked, various other websites access blocked etc. and it's only because I know where he lives.

So if I decide to go round there, I'll most likely get the door slammed in my face or just ignored and that'll make me feel 10 times worse than if I'd just left it!

But sometimes I am too stupid for my own good I guess!

 

[dannii87]

No, I do admire you lol To put yourself out there like that for the sake of your unborn is brilliant! I really think I should do that...

xx