Confused....sorry bit long

[bagpuss]

Hi everyone,haven't been on here for a bit,but needed some sound advice....maybe someone has been through the same thing????

On October 31st,my partner of 17 years decided he'd had enough and left me and Finn.....he said he had had enough of me being nasty towards him.....he is 32 and I am 35,(nearly 36!!)
This happened after his Uncles funeral,a person who I have known all my life as I was in the same year as his daughters(who I didn't get on with very well),this Uncle was his Dads best mate(hope I haven't lost anyone)
He said I was nasty with him at the funeral,but I honestly can't remember,and I hadn't had anything to drink as I was driving......he had though,and he never usually drinks.....

I have had my problems with confidence and image problems,but always tried to ,as best as I could,discuss these,I have wrote down my thoughts in a letter to him before,because I find it hard to express myself....I have also been diagnosed with PND,which I have tried to hide from him,as His mother comitted suicide when he was 8 due to PND,so I didn't want him to be worried or concerned,but thats how I am..

He said that I didn't love him,but I'm not a very expressive sort or person,so I thought he knew that I did,and I just didn't need to tell him....I don't even tell my family that I love them,but I do,if you know what I mean...
He was my best friend,I haven't got anybody else to talk to,I am going through so many emotions at the minute.I constantly cry cos I want him,then I feel like I could stab him and I hate him so much...He didn't even give me a chance ,he won't listen to me,and I have tried everything...he wants to see Finn,but he won't come to my house,I have to take him up to his,he lives with his Nan,she smokes like a trooper,so Finn comes back stinking of dirty fags and I don't like it!
He has said that I wasn't interested in having more kids,but thats something else I couldn't tell him,don't ask me why,I don't know why.....I posted on this forum that I was missing being pregnant and wanted another baby.....I feel so shitty,so numb,I just can't believe he has done this to me...he has said that I should have realised how bad it was for him to walk out on Finn,and that he doesn't love me..

I don't know what to do,I want him back,then I don't,then I do....God he is doing my head in...I am sick of crying myself to sleep,I just need someone to talk to and to help me out.....anyone gone through something similar,and how did it turn out for you?I keep thinking he'll turn up and put his arms around me and say he was wrong,but I'm not to sure....he's messing me up big time

 

[Slinky Sarah]

Have been through a rough break up but nothing compared to what your going through chick
Just wanted to send you lots of these:

If you have done nothing wrong then its him being petty and silly hun. I know its gotta be so hard for you and Finn chick, keep your chin up xxx

 

[Izzy]

I have not been in the same situation but reading that through i wanted to comment on a couple of things.

You have been together for a very long time and perhaps you've both got used to each other too much. Would you say the spark has gone? Do you still actually fancy each other?

There obviously is a big problem if you can't feel you can tell him things. Has it always been that way? Perhaps if you knew you had PND he would understood you better, and explain why you hadn't told him before, but he is a grown man and should know his mother's case was extreme. And you could say what help you've seeked.

I really hope you can sort it out. Poor you

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

oh babes im so sorry to hear this

My advice is to write him a letter telling him how you feel, and dont be afraid to write it romantically. Tell him how much you love him and miss him, explain everything and just be completely honest. Dont blame yourself in the letter, but dont blame him either, just tell him how you feel. Then end the letter by inviting him round for dinner just to talk, get a sitter for the little one for the night, make his favourite meal and make yourself look damn good.

If he shows up for the meal, then you know he is willing to hear you out and you need to be completely frank and honest with him, keep your emotions under control and dont get upset or angry, just talk.

If he doesnt show up, then you know that it is over, and you can cry and scream and come on here and rant and rave, but then you can move on.

Your in limbo at the moment babe, and its a horrible place to be I know, you need to know one way or the other

 

[kalia]

 

[bagpuss]

Thanks for the replies and advice,it makes me feel a little better.We have been together for a long time,but he knows that I am the type of person who finds it difficult to be open,thats the way I have always been....it's funny you put about the fancying thing cos in August I wrote him a letter trying to explain about why I had felt really bad,and one of my points was that I didn't believe that he actually fancied me anymore,where as I fancied the pants of him!

I thought of trying to explain myself in another letter,because he doesn't seem to want me to have my say,but I keep thinking well what if he doesn't read it then I still haven't said the things I wanted to say.I really am so confused.....I have had a few people tell me that I am not nasty,just straight and have a heart of gold so thats made me feel better!
You know I am really shocked about his family,too.....not one of them have asked whats going on or tried to make contact.I don't know what I expected from them though.I don't get on with his brother anyway so I fully expect him to be cheering and egging him on.
God I'm in a mess

 

[Urchin]

It sounds a bit to me like he had had a bit to drink, got a bit confused, then the grief and the shock of the funeral caused him to focus on you.
Have you spoken to him?

Personally I would give him a bit of time to come to his senses.

 

[bagpuss]

Hi Urchin,I have tried to speak to him,but not with much success,I really try not to get annoyed,but I can't help it and I end up in tears of frustration then I feel like stabbing him

I can't believe how heartless he seems to be,because he is not like this - it is totally out of character for him - and I am confident it's not somebody else he's got,just can't understand where it's gone wrong

 

[bagpuss]

Hi all,just to say thanks for all the replies,it really does help knowing I can tell someone,and the fact that that someone is neutral.
I haven't really spoken much to him,worried about saying the wrong thing I suppose.He had to come around to see Finn the other day as he has had a really bad cold and has been very chesty,so I said I wasn't prepared to take him out,which I wasn't....it was just like we were strangers,not much conversation going on.At one point he said he was cold,so I said I'll warm you up,and he did laugh,but that was it....he then said I should't have said it.That is all the contact I have had with him......I did start to write a letter,but whether I give it to him is a different matter.
I miss him so much,I'm just a little messed up at the minute still,a month down the line