Feeling incredibly guilty....bit of a rant sorry!!

[NatEvz]

Well I dont want to sound like a complete and utter cow by posting this but I just dont know who else to talk to. Ive always had a good relationship with my hubbys mates as a lot of them we both went to school with.
His best friend lives with his gf just down the road from us and up until recently we saw them quite regularly, theyve always had a massively turbulant relationship and have had full blown physical punch ups in front of me and hubby. In the 4 years theyve been together theyve been through 4 terminations and a miscarriage.
When i was 11 weeks pregnant we found out that his OH was also 5 weeks pregnant. It was accidental and we were both really supportive.
At 6 weeks she was admitted to hospital after suffering an ectopic pregnancy. After surgical intervention was successful, she had follow up scans and they gave her the all clear. I tried my hardest to be really supportive, i sent her a big bunch of flowers and spoke to her every day to make sure she was feeling ok and listened if she wanted to talk, and I purposely didnt mention anything about me being pregnant for fear of being inconsiderate and upsetting her. But if she asked id always talk to her.
Anyway that was a few months back. Things have just gone downhill since i started showing really. Hubbys best mate wont talk to us or call round because he wont ackowlege my pregnancy now im showing and his gf has started like this secret war on facebook. If i post something about baby she posts something aimed at me regarding her not being pregnant, so much so ive removed her from my news feed because it made me cry. In the early stages i used to hide my little bump if we saw them but now its getting to the stage where i cant really hide it anymore. I honestly really do feel for them, no couple deserves to go through that, but i feel like they hate me for being pregnant.
I dunno the whole thing is just making me feel incredibly guilty for being pregnant and carrying our baby. Maybe its just me being a hormonal pregnant woman!
Thanks for listening ladies xxx

 

[frankie707]

Sounds like a horrible situation for all of you, I can understand how hard they are finding it seeing you pregnant but you have obviously been a very good friend and you should not be feeling guilty about your LO. Not really sure there is any advice to give as it is up to them really to stop being envious of you and be happy for you guys as their friends. Hope they come round soon

 

[NatEvz]

Thanks frankie!I really dont purposely go out of my way to rub my pregnancy in their face, i dont think anyone would. The thing with facebook is a lot of my friends from school are on there and ask me all the time how me and LO are getting on so of course i want to answer. I dunno what to do xxx

 

[frankie707]

I think if it was me I would just carry on with what you are doing (being more discrete around them) but remember that people should be happy for you and you being pregnant is not directly related to them not being pregnant. Its the right thing to do to take her off your facebook if that is where all your other friends are wanting to talk babies, at least then you can celebrate it with them.

 

[Rósa]

Its not your fault your pregnant , and she is being a bit of a cow especially as she has had 4 terminations, (though they could be for medical reasons) You were right to remove her of your facebook, you have a right to celebrate your pregnancy and so do your true friends

 

[NatEvz]

Thanks Rosa!The terminations were not for medical reasons, one was due to it being another blokes, the others were because they were accidental and they basically didnt want them (although i am for every woman has the right to choose etc) . They are blunt enough to talk about this so thats the only reason i know. The only difference about this pregnancy was that i was also pregnant!

 

[clairebear22]

Never ever feel guilty for being pregnant hun!! It sounds like you have been very very considerate of their feelings and emotions and they repay you by being mean?!

My little Brothers Girlfriend had a MC just before we conceived and she was really happy for us even though I hated telling her because of what happened to her.

Just enjoy your pregnancy hun and if they don't come round to the idea they can't have been very good friends in the first place IMO.

xxx

 

[Piglet10]

well if anyone shud feel guilty its themselves for getting rid of four... 1 cud b an accident 2 just stupid but 4 abortions..... they cant expect to just cut off pregnancies and then resent someone else for having their wee bump.... i wud forget bout her hun!! xx

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon, It sounds like u have been more than considerate. I had a mc earlier in the year but never be-grudged any of my friends who were expecting. Likewise a friend of mine is very sadly having a termination for complex medical reasons today (and I am heartbroekn for her) but she is still supportive of me being 38 weeks pregnant. I think the sadness of losing a baby can be all consuming but it shouldn't be something that gets held against other people. Big hugs x x x

 

[cherelle]

its sounds like youve been an amzing friend and shes certainly not returning the favour! This should be a happy time you shouldnt be made to feel guilty because of someone elses misfortune!! x

 

[ruthiestar]

This may sound harsh, but I would cut all contact with these people. Forget how you used to be friends in the past, you have to enjoy your pregnancy, to me they sound like very selfish and self absorbed people. Yes I can understand them being envious but thats as far as it goes, if they are adults they should be conducting themselves in a better way and not putting there jealousy onto you. Who's to say she won't fall pregnant again soon? Then they wil expect you to be supportive? I don't think so!

Think of your own happiness and delete them. You don't need people like that in your life x good luck x

 

[NatEvz]

Thank you for your kind replies everyone!Ive been a bit hesitant posting about this because i didnt want to appear insensitive. I do think you are right and cutting contact with them seems the only option. I will enjoy my pregnancy and ill continue to post status updates about how much i love feeling my baby move, because i do Thank you for your support ladies xxx

 

[amy samantha]

wow, to me it just seems like you were being very considerate and a great friend!
I absolutely understand your want to keep quiet for a while but obviously you were bound to start showing eventually, and although envy is maybe acceptable in this situation I don't think it needs to go as far as 'secret wars'!
it's sad that it's come to a point where you have to stop contacting them because they've become wound up but you have to do what's in your best interests,
good luck with everything hun X

 

[JJ Mum]

I lost a baby at 12 weeks in march, and when pregnant again round mates that had had MC and still not pregnant again, I didn't say for ages, and was really as sensitive as I could be as I knew how they felt.
You sound like you have more than been there for her. You can't hide your bump, be proud. Your facebook is for you and your freinds, get rid of her. she has to remember that your pregnancy is totally unrelated to hers, and you don't need people like that making you feel low. She can't pick and choose pregnancy when it suits her and yet still have a problem, she needs to deel with herself and she needs to move on and trying again if that's what they want. You have nothing to feel guilty about, I would never feel bad about someone elses pregnancy good news, just cause I had bad news, that's not the way it works in adult society !

 

[sexyamy2005]

aww bless u,

i think uve been great, and maybe cutting ties with them until the baby is here might be whats needed, see how things are after babys here, they might change there minds and realise that they have been horrible to you... if not, keep doing with what ur doing and keeping distant,

good luck and enjoy ur pregnancy x

 

[LittleL]

dont feel guilt. as others have said, you sound like a very good friend indeed and yes its terrible that they had to go through that but why should you be made out to feel bad just because your pregnant??

My best friend really really wants a baby more than anything in the world, however her fiance has had the snip but they are going through the procedure of getting it reversed.. Anyway, when i found out i was pregnant, i was sooo worried about telling my best friend as i knew how much she wants a baby and she often talked about a girl at work who was pregnant and she could be quite bitter towards her, but she was really great when she found out i was pregnant and was over the moon for me which was a big relief. We often talk about babies and i feel for her so much and hope she gets pregnant one day but what you have to remember is, you shouldnt be made to feel guitly about your baby. I would just give them some space and continue with what your doing.. hopefully they will come round to it soon and if they dont, i'd say its there problem not yours. goodluck xx

xx