Father to be in need of advice!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by titan123, May 22, 2019.

  1. titan123

    titan123 New Member

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    Hi everyone

    I’m sorry if I have put in the right section.

    Basically I’m in disagreement with my wife because of her wanting to bring her family (mum/sisters) into baby scan where I think it should be our moment as parents to be. We went private for the first scan and she brought her mum along after going back and forth. Now we are doing another private scan (3d/4d) and she wants to bring her sisters along and I just cannot be bothered to argue again like we did the first time. It’s our first child and I just think it’s a special moment for her and I to see his first features and have that moment. I don’t know if there is any point of telling her they are not coming because she’s not going to have it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

    Edit:
    She also wants to bring her mother in labour. I’m not too bothered about this as she needs to be most comfortable when giving birth.
     
  2. Marvellous_mum

    Marvellous_mum Well-Known Member

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    Maybe a compromise... you 2 at first then bring her family in after youv had your moment. Hopefully shel agree as you have a valid say aswell.

    I actually agree with you, it should be a moment for you both to share. I totally understand people want their family in there and nothing wrong with that, but I'm the opposite, esp during labour, but that's because I hate being fussed when in pain.
     
  3. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    I think Marvellous_Mum is right, try to convince her to go with her family another time. I know it's exciting to see the baby and I'm sure the family is impatient as well but maybe you need to chat about it and tell her you would like to share a moment just the two of you before you become three. Make a special day of it, like go eat out or have a picnic somewhere after, make it a romantic, get her a gift and flowers, and tell your sisters-in-law without your oh knowing, that you are planning a romantic date, I'm sure they will understand that they need to sit this one out.

    As for the labour part, I think you should book a class or two to learn how to breathe, massage during contractions, etc. My oh and I did it a week before the birth and he was very useful and helped me go through the pain. I think that if she realises you will be helpful during labour, she might be more inclined to have only you around. In some hospitals they only allow one person around during labour, but I don't know if that's the case everywhere.

    Good luck!x
     
  4. snugglypink

    snugglypink Well-Known Member

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    OH and I are going to our first scan alone, just in case anything is wrong. Then we'll be doing a gender scan at 16 weeks which both our parents will be invited to.

    Personally, I'd have a chat with her and just outline your feelings. Maybe see why she's so intent on bringing family to every scan?

    As for labour, depending on where we're living i.e closer to my parents or OHS, I'll either have OH and my mom or OH and his mom with me.
     
  5. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    If she is insisting on bringing them then tell her you’d like it to be just you two. The US person will happily call them in to the room after you’ve had a little time alone. I think that’s a good compromise and would have been happy to do it if my hubby had wanted to.
     
  6. titan123

    titan123 New Member

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    Thank you all for the responses. It’s much appreciated.

    We had the 3d scans and as expected all her sisters came along. It wasn’t the intimate moment I was hoping for. My wife was on the bed while her sisters were sitting down on the chairs next to her. I was stood up 3 meters away next to the tv screen on the wall. It just didn’t feel right.

    I was gonna speak to her about her mother situation in labour until a close female friend of mine and who I see as my second mum said not to refuse the chance for a grandmother to be there at the birth of her grandson. She said that It was the best moment of her life when she got asked by her daughter and when she was there at the birth of her granddaughter.

    I’ve had so many arguments about this every time I try and speak to my wife who then starts to accuse me of wanting to turn her family against her!
     
  7. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Why don't you book an ultrasound just for the two of you? Surprise her with it so she doesn't have time to warn her sisters.
    I honestly think you should also have some private moments as a couple.
    I do think this a bit of a sight into the future, I think your in-laws will be very involved in your lives.
     
  8. Marvellous_mum

    Marvellous_mum Well-Known Member

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    I'm with kitana, this screams that your in-laws will be overly involved.
    I agree a surprise scan would be great. You can never see your baby to many times.

    I feel for you as I cant think of anything worse than anyone but my husband and mw in the labour with me. Esp if they are the type to take over and push my OH out.
     
  9. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    I agree, I was so miserable during labour, I loved it that it was just the oh and I during most of it. We only told the family after the birth that ou DD was born. I would have hated anyone else there looking down at my vajajay hahaha!
     

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