Am I doing the right thing?

[Kirstieplus1]

Hi

I am six weeks pregnant today and here is the story.

Me an OH have been together 5 1/2 yrs so when I found out I was pregnant I was expecting a little bit of support.

OH said he had never loved me and did not want to be a daddy yet and told me we would not be together.

He basically said the nastiest things you could think of thinking that by hurting me I would do what he wanted.

The choice is

1) Do what he wants and have an A but he will still be with me and we will carry on as 'normal'

2) Have the baby and he will break up with me

In my heart I have already made my decision.... of course I am going to keep my baby but I am so scared.

OH says our baby will have an awful start in life having a father than resents his mother for making the decision. He says that children need both a father and a mother for them to turn out ok. I told him at least it would have a life. I worried if I will be able to cope on my own (emotionally/financially) although I do have family that I know will be there.

He also says that if I go through with it I will be alone forever as who wants to marry a single mum?

Has anyone else gone on to find true love and happy relationships after being a single mother?

I dont have many friends and I am lonely already.

I thought me and OH were forever but obviously not. I just cant believe what an ar*e he is being.

Please tell me it will be worth it in the end. Im sure when I hold my baby for the first time nobody else on this earth will matter.

Advice would be appreciated.

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Oh Hun what your other half is doing is emotional blackmail! Of course a baby doesn't need a mummy and daddy to grow uP happy! It sounds like you already know what you want to do and I think you'd majorly regret doing the other and your relationship would probs fail anyway cos you'd resent him for it! You will cope, it has it's tough moments, but the smiles on their face and them telling you when they're old enough that your their best friend makes it all worthwhile!

Id actually split up with my two's dad when I found out I was preg ad decided to give it another go for the sake of the baby! Things never really got any better and I found myself pregnant again when she was 3 months old! I ended up leaving him when I was 36 weeks pregnant with number2! It was the best decision I've ever made tbh and it's so rewarding!

Oh and welcome to the forum hun

 

[Kirstieplus1]

Yes it is emotional black mail.

He thinks I am doing it because I think noone else will want one with me in the future.

Ok so its not ideal but i just cannot have an A. He says its just a bit of jelly and doesnt understand it has a heart beating already.

I know that if i did what he asked we wouldnt be together anyway.

 

[Amyrose]

i was a single mum of 5 kids when i left my ex and i have since found the love of my life. If i found love anyone can. Any man that treats you like that is not worth your tears. you will be ok hun xxxxxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

You won't be missing a thing hunnie, he is the one losing out. You and baby will share a love that no one can come near, and yes you will find love. You will find someone who loves you and your lo ad their own. My first lo's dad went missing and I haven't heard from him since (12 years ago now), then I got married and have 2nd lo, got divorced and met my current oh nearly 9 years ago now and we have the twins who are 3. Men can come and go but children are yours forever and stay in your heart for eternity xxx

 

[ippa]

Hey,
Men dont seem to understand the initial bond you feel with the baby before it is born!
To me it sounds like you would be better off without him anyway hun.
Hopefully when he sees the baby then he may change and want to be a daddy to it.
I am raising my little boy by myself as his dad is useless, and my boy will not go without. He has so many people who love him and has plenty of male role models to look up to.
Good luck with everything and if you want to talk then i would be more than happy to try and help
XxX

 

[midnight]

let him go you will be much happier without him using blackmail the p***k grrrr and trust me yes you will find someone else if i can with 3 children 1 of whom is disabled and not the easiest child then anyone can i am now happily married expecting our 5th child my husband cooks cleans and treats all the children has his own and before i met him he was a typical 1 of the lads out on the lash ect and no whe is a complete family man so tell your OH just because he doesnt want you doesnt mean others dont you and your baby are better off without him xx

 

[Poxie_pixie]

Like you hun I could never have an A and am now a single mummy to my little girl and am so happy =) x

 

[Piglet10]

one word - AR*EHOLE!!!

ur better off without!! xxx

 

[snr1982]

omg leave him, what a A-hole! I would have been out that door as soon as he said he had never loved me - why has he stayed with you for 5 + years if he has never loved you. go find someone who will treat you and love you the way you deserve! and yes you can bring a happy child up with just one parent!

 

[08Princess]

I really feel for you.
I am also single and 6 weekss pregnant. I'm 37 and this will be my first baby.
I go through times when I'm really excited and then really scared!
I feel like I have so much to think about and sort out.
I want to enjoy this experience so much but when reality hits I want to freak out!
The baby wasn't planned and while the dad is a nice guy I'd only known him a couple of months and I know this is not what he wants!
He says he will 'be there' for me but I feel I have to be prepared to go it alone and make my own plans and provisions.
Please do not have an A.
I've been there last year and it broke my heart. I was married at the time and he was the same as your man: if you 'get rid' of it we'll stay together, but if you don't I'm gone. And that was from the man who was supposed to love me so much he made me his wife. I made the wrong decision and have to live with that. I cannot forgive myself for what I did to my baby and I feel like I have been given a second chance now, despite the circumstances being a bit crazy to say the least!
I don't know how I'll manage and I worry every day about living arrrangements, money, work etc but I love my baby so much already and I'm gonna be the best mummy ever!
I have waffled on a bit here but just want you to know that you're not alone and after reading your post I realise I'm not either.
TC hun. x x x

 

[ema-lou24]

He's full of shit sweetie!
He trying to get u to stay with him by saying that no one will want u if u have a child, he's wanting u to do things his way and I'm sorry, it doesn't work like that.
I split up with my ex when my LO was 2 years old, he was a pier and a cheat and it was the best thing I ever done.
I have a lovely OH now and we have a wee blob on the way

I'm not going to lie, it will be tough, but ur strong enough to make the decision to keep this baby, your strong enough for anything xx

 

[Kirstieplus1]

Thank you all so much for reply.

I went for an early scan (private) today and saw my babies heart flickering away and everything.

I know it will be hard but I have the support of my family and there is no way I'm getting rid of my baby.

Thanks again

Xx

 

[beckibooxx]

thats not even true, a baby doesnt need a mother and a father to be together for the baby to have a good life, me and my daughters dad arnt together and wasnt when i fell pregnant with her but shes got a good life, what he is doin is emotional blackmail, dont let him pester you into doin anything your not happy with, youve already made your decision if he doesnt like it .. he can like it or lump it xx

 

[isobel84]

you be better of on your own
I was not sure to keep the baby when I found out I was pregnant but my oh said for him there was no choice but for us to keep it. I'm so glad n greatful, my son is the light of my life, every morning I wake up smiling when I see him, he is amazing n beautiful n the best boy in the world. No man could ever compete or come close to this love. U know I'm not a single mum but oh works all the time, had only one day paternity leave n we got no family in UK, so I've more or less done it on my own. You will manage, babygroups will make you new friends! I think many ppl regret an abortion but few ppl regret a child. It's the most amazing thing, being a mum. I feel sorry for your ex that he might miss out.

 

[BevG]

if my OH said he never loved me id have booted him out the door wether i was pg or not, why stay with someone who doesnt love you and obviously dosent care about what u want and how u feel. surely your worth more than that. a friend of mine has a kid thats just turned 4 and she has just got engaged to her bf of 1 yr, they are so happy together im sure they will last and he loves her lo as if he was his own.

 

[nikkie88]

omg!... similarities on here are uncanny!...

 

[baby43]

Kirstieplus1 stay strong XXX Keep your baby and dump the man!!!!

My ex said if I did'nt want the baby then kill it, or if i scared to look after a baby then he would have it WTF!!!

I was so angry and upset at first but now iam calm and we dont need him ever...

I even cried for him but now iam smiling now for myself and my baby...

I dont even feel any emotion at all for this man since he said that to us!!!

He has a new girlfriend now told me she was pretty and good, yeah so what I am the mother of his child!!!

I feel very protective of my baby and myself now its a nice feeling because we trust each other!!!!


XXXXXXXXX

 

[nikkie88]

its mental how that motherly instinct kicks in. one day you just wake up and think "no f**k everything else, its my baby! nothing will harm it, nothing else matters!"

 

[Daisy2011]

Pack his bag kick him out then change the locks.
Theres no future with someone who is so full of bile and hate that they would tell you that they never loved you and you should kill your baby.
He's got nothing to offer you, get out while you can.
Good luck you deserve better than that!
x Daisy