How will i cope emotionally / financially!

[keepontrying]

im 34 + 3 and after a few months of sheer emotional hell my partner told me last week he is not interested in being with me. His family have isolated me and demonised me (not for the first time) he is so conditioned into their way of thinking, their capacity for denial is quite astonishing really !! Its a long story and i am completely devastated.

I didnt want to do this alone, i didnt want my son to grow up in a single parent family, i dont know what happened to the lovely amazing man i beleived so much in.... im beside myself.

i was the bread winner but was signed off work at 8 weeks due to a high risk pregnancy, his family said they would help financially (they give him money that I DONT SEE!) So right now im faced with no way of paying mortgage (benefits still leave me with hundreds in shortfall each month) he works cash in hand so technically is has no income - he promisd me he wouldprovide but has not come up with anything. Im so broke, im frightened of losing my home, i dont know how i am going to get through this, these feelings, the heartache and lonliness.... knowing he is out and about living it up is killing me. I needed him so badly but he ran away....

He says he wants to be here for baby but i dont wanna farm my child out every weekend and have seperate christmas and birthdays. I waited 12 long years for this child, his family will ruin my boy like they have ruined their own. I cant bare teh thought of that... my son is going to be a product of every decision i / we make.... their family has so many issues, kids that are so messed up, they throw money at every thing and blame everyone else, I cant and wont have them do this, I cant have him dipping in and out when he feels like it,

where do i even start?????????????

 

[Princess81]

Oh god Hun this is the last thing that you need. I don't know anything at all about benefits, but you could speak with citizens advice bureau for a start. Are your own family in a position to help you? What an awful dilemma x

 

[keepontrying]

Oh god Hun this is the last thing that you need. I don't know anything at all about benefits, but you could speak with citizens advice bureau for a start. Are your own family in a position to help you? What an awful dilemma x

My family and friend shave been great in buying things for baby, but in terms of my home no - i couldnt have and would not want financial help from them. im so stressed about it.

After months of sobbing and trying my hardest with him, only to get lies and lip service, i decided that enough was enough i told him to leave me alone and i would inform him of when his son was here and we could discuss access, he was feeding me lies, telling me he loved me then snatching it away and i would hear from him. I was a wreck, not sleeping, eating, concentrating etc

So now im the bitch that is denying him of the birth of his son, but how am i going to feel when he walks away after? im already worried how im going to cope when im so weak emotionally right now. I need to build my strength for my son, he needs me that way.

 

[kentgall8484]

It so hard i know. Im also in a bad situation the dad doesn't want anything to do with the child and im glad now as for the first 4 months he just gave me hell. i work full time and im single ive been to the council and CAB and they wont be able to help me with housing ( as i have no where to go) and i wont be able to get any help until the baby is here. Ive worked out that i should get about £600 in working tax child tax and child benefit if i carry on working full time when the baby is here or if Im on maternity. So you would be due for the same per month. Im sorry that hes such a ass men are really and your baby will have you and that's all he needs xx

 

[keepontrying]

It so hard i know. Im also in a bad situation the dad doesn't want anything to do with the child and im glad now as for the first 4 months he just gave me hell. i work full time and im single ive been to the council and CAB and they wont be able to help me with housing ( as i have no where to go) and i wont be able to get any help until the baby is here. Ive worked out that i should get about £600 in working tax child tax and child benefit if i carry on working full time when the baby is here or if Im on maternity. So you would be due for the same per month. Im sorry that hes such a ass men are really and your baby will have you and that's all he needs xx

how did you work our these figures? Its just really fucked up my life plan to be honest - whilst he is free to do whatever he wants my whole future has to change.
The men always think they end up hard done by, like ethw omen hold all teh cards but in rlaity its us who are faced with a life of strugle..... How can they lay their heads down at night!

 

[Jaxx01]

Hun, my partner left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant, that pregnancy was just after a MC no AF inbetween. My head was all over the place. Im not going to lie, it was hell for me..the what ifs, the what am I going to do? Whats best for my child? Will I get through this??

But the fact is...I have got through this.... I now have a beautiful 15 week old baby boy and I wouldnt be any other place in the world!! Once the baby is here, your main priority is this amazing bundle of joy you have just bought into the world and you find the strength!!

It is tough hunni, but at the end of the day you realise that if they are stupid enough to walk away then it really shows what type of person they are

Stanleys dad has seen him once, he offered to buy stuff when I was pregnant, nothing, texts me with his new number or to demand my addres but never asks how he is! Im waiting for him to take me to court so I can fight tooth and nail for whats best for my son!!

Are you claiming SMP from work?? If not then you should be entitled to MA from the government. There will be Child tax credits as you're on your own, and also child benefit.

Housing are probably saying they cant help you because baby isnt here yet...Im pretty sure once baby arrives, they will be able to help out. I had a similiar situation where I couldnt actually get the ball rolling until Stanley was here.

Stay strong hunni, rely on the support of others and please, please dont be too proud to admit that you may need help. Best thing I ever did was hold my hands up when I was pregnant and say 'I dont think I can do this' you'll probably find out who your true friends are...

We are all here and you can always PM me if you like xxxx

 

[keepontrying]

Hun, my partner left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant, that pregnancy was just after a MC no AF inbetween. My head was all over the place. Im not going to lie, it was hell for me..the what ifs, the what am I going to do? Whats best for my child? Will I get through this??

But the fact is...I have got through this.... I now have a beautiful 15 week old baby boy and I wouldnt be any other place in the world!! Once the baby is here, your main priority is this amazing bundle of joy you have just bought into the world and you find the strength!!

It is tough hunni, but at the end of the day you realise that if they are stupid enough to walk away then it really shows what type of person they are

Stanleys dad has seen him once, he offered to buy stuff when I was pregnant, nothing, texts me with his new number or to demand my addres but never asks how he is! Im waiting for him to take me to court so I can fight tooth and nail for whats best for my son!!

Are you claiming SMP from work?? If not then you should be entitled to MA from the government. There will be Child tax credits as you're on your own, and also child benefit.

Housing are probably saying they cant help you because baby isnt here yet...Im pretty sure once baby arrives, they will be able to help out. I had a similiar situation where I couldnt actually get the ball rolling until Stanley was here.

Stay strong hunni, rely on the support of others and please, please dont be too proud to admit that you may need help. Best thing I ever did was hold my hands up when I was pregnant and say 'I dont think I can do this' you'll probably find out who your true friends are...

We are all here and you can always PM me if you like xxxx

Thanks for sharing your experience with me, sorry you have been through this too. I just wish he had had the balls to call it a day montsh ago instead of torturing me and finally doing it a couple of weeks before baby comes, because i could have felt stronger by now.
My friends and family have been simply amazing but im scared of the lonliness, im scared of not coping, everything is just so frightening! i know that i can do it - not doing is not an option at all!
I just think i need to build up teh support around me, keep busy, find new social outlets with other single mums so we can be there for each other.... Life is just such a bitch! xxx

 

[Loula]

I know exactly how you feel, im also going to be a single mummy, the dad refused anything to do with us when i declined his offer of going to the clinic appointment he booked when i was 10 weeks.

I also go through days of how will i cope, what will i do, and i hope fingers crossed it all does come to plan.

I did plan to go back to work after 6 months but am taking the 9 months so me and my little girl have time together and have no idea what im going to do about money, i guess its just a see how it goes and find out when i get to it situation which i hate.

The weeks are getting closer now amd im absolutely bricking it and also wondering if i can actually do it xxxx

 

[kentgall8484]

I rang up working tax credit and they told me i would get about £89 per week working tax £20 a week child benifit and £59 child tax a week so that's roughly about 680 a month. and you can start claiming when on maternity i no its not a great deal but when your alone it helps that's the advice they gave me anyway