23, pregnant and feeling a bit alone.

[jayjay1987]

Hi there, Im currently 25 weeks pregnant. My babys dad and I were seeing each other on and off for a few months last year. It wasnt very serious and neither of us planned for it to be anything long term. When I found out I was pregnant, he was the first person I told, he seemed really supportive, we went to the doctors together the next day etc.

We both knew that probably a relationship together wouldnt work, but i decided I wanted to keep the baby and was prepared to do this on my own, although it was on the understanding he would be supportive throughout the pregnancy and be there for his baby when he was born.

Since then things have take a dramatic turn for the worse. From about 6 weeks pregnant I have hardly heard from him, he made no attempt to attend the babys 12 week scan. I then heard from mutual friends that he had a new girlfriend, that he was yet to tell me about. I know we werent dating yet, and maybe some people may feel i dont have a right to be annoyed about this, but it was just a bit humillating for me. All my friends with kids are settled with their boyfriends, and even though I cant wait to meet my baby, I do at times feel quite lonely not having anyone to share it with.

Things between us have gradually became worse, he has really made no attempt to be supportive to me during the pregnancy, thankfully my mum has been great. He just acts really immature, i text him to tell him i had to go to hospital due to pains i was having, and he never replyed, weeks later when i was speaking to him due to another issue, he claimed he was out the country. Its just contstant lies, and stress I dont need.

Any advice would be great xx

 

[Mrs_B1981]

Hiya.

Didn't want to read an run. Not really sure what advice to give as I've never been in your situation but what I will say is you need to ask this guy to meet up with you, sit down and discuss this.
It's not just you two in this situation, you now have a baby to consider. You want to ask him what he wants from the situation. If he wants nothing to do with you and baby then let him walk away. Worrying yourself over him will do you and baby no good. If he says he does want baby time then he has to support you, and if he doesn't then you need to walk away. It sounds like you have good support from your mum? The last thing you need is to be stressing over a man.

I'm sorry if this advice is wrong/controversial, but it's what I would do.

Goodluck

 

[cherelle]

I agree with Mrs B, you need to find out if he has any intention of supporting you and your child because otherwise its just going to cause you more stress and upset.

Plus its not really fair for your son/daughter to have someone coming in and out of their life - i speak from experience with my dad! x

 

[flopsybunny]

Poor you! Pregnancy has enough stresses and worries without throwing misbehaving men into the mix! Its perfectly understandable that you feel lonely - but getting stressed about him is no good for you or baby. I agree with the others that you need to meet him if possible to talk honestly about his real intention to support you and the baby. He has no choice about supporting you financially - the CSA will sort that out but if he wants a relationship with his son or daughter and wants to be in their life it needs to start now buy supporting you in your pregnancy. If he says he doesn't want a relationship with them then although it is hard, accept that and don't allow him to mess you around and let your child down. How sounds very immature and has a lot of growing up to do!

Remember though you are not alone. You have your family and friends to support you and one day your child will always be there with you. I notice that was your first post on this forum, the ladies here are lovely and although I don't know any of them outside this forum - they are an unbelievably good support network.

Hope you sort things!

Xx

 

[Xcitedmum]

Aw jayjay I really feel for you. Although he is already showing signs that his intention is not to play a supportive role I think the girls are right - you need to meet with him to discuss the future. Are his parents/family aware that you are pregnant? It might be an idea to let them know although this could work out to be a double edged sword in that they could create more stress and drama longterm.

There really is no advantage in getting into an argument with your ex - you both need to sit down and talk as adults. As he has not been around much he may well not have actually tuned into the fact that he is going to be a father whether he likes it or not.

Its great that you have your mum and she will no doubt prove to be an absolute god send once the baby is born.

Try not to get hung up on the fact that you don't have a boyfriend, lots of the girls on this forum are the same and I have no doubt that they both love and totally excel at being mothers.

I am not sure what other advice to give you, moving forward really demands that you and your other half talk it through. Let us know how you get on and keep posting - you will enjoy this forum as everyone is so friendly and willing to offer support/ advice xx

 

[nmf1987]

hi,

all i can say is the same as the girls. sit him down and talk to him. if he wants to be immature and says he wants nothing to do with any of it then its his loss. your baby will still get more than enough love and care from you, your family and friends.

this forum is fantastic and we are all here if you need anything. we are brilliant at moaning so feel free to moan at us aswell. anything you worry about or just want to talk about dont be afraid to ask anyone as we are always here to try and help. xxx

 

[nadine]

I had this with my sons dad, but a little different, I told him I was pregnant n he said he didn't want nothing to do with it, sure to form I never heard from him after untill my son was 1 1/2 ( he's now 21/2 )

Err I found it hard at first to get my Ed round doing on my own, n it hit me more when baby was here, advice I can give u is it will be an emotional time for u, some days u will feel hard done to n think it takes 2 to make a baby so y u doing all on ur own, u will feel sorry for ur baby that they don't have the conventional family - all sorts will run threw ur mind, but just stay strong, babys grow up so fast, n change u as a person for the best, u will have lots of good n hard times but that little person will be your life in time as well as that little person looking at u n being so close to u,

Try not to worrie as it gets u no were

I'm far from the conventional type I'm 28 got a little boy to one man who now want to be involved n have just split up from this babys dad haha x

 

[songbird]

I know how you are feeling hun.
Im going to be a single mum as the dad decided he wants nothing to do with me or the baby at all.
Its scary but you will be fine hun and your baby will be the best thing to ever happen to you and the dad is the one who will miss out. You sound like you have a great supportive mum and that is great. When the baby arrives try and get out to groups if you have a sure start center nearby try speaking to them as they will be able to advise you.

Im pretty unconventional to nearly 31 single mum to a 9 year old and now pregnant

 

[jayjay1987]

Thanks to everyone who replyed, all your advice is appreciated. I have never used a forum like this before, a few of my best friends have babys however there situation is completely different from my own so I think its hard for them to really understand. I know i am lucky to have a supportive mum, and my dad n friends have all been great too. I think its just hard when you imagined your life to turn out completely different to how it actually is lol. My mum raised me on her own, I think I just always thought I would do it differently with my own kids. I know my baby is a complete blessing, just wish I had a partner to be supportive too, cant have it all I suppose haha. Yeah i have considered contacting him for us to talk but I feel that after everything thats happened, and the stress and upset he has caused me its probably best for me to just concentrate on my baba, and if he serious about being involved with his son then he can let me know :S xx