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[lauralou]

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[tinselcat]

Hi laura

I have a lot of empathy with your situation (having had treatment for anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder which was preg-related) nd would definitely advocate getting some form of counselling to help work through your feelings.

I think a lot of women find their first missed due date exceptionally hard unfortunately but the behaviour you're describing goes beyond that and is affecting your relationship from the sound of it so the longer that drags on the worse if you know what i mean?

It sounds like your doctor is not very understanding of your situation by jumping the gun with that suggestion (my nice doctor also suggested using contraception for the next 3 months which is like the worse thing i can think of!) And some can be very prescription happy, e.g. the dr i got to refer me for counselling tried to prescribe medicine for depression and the first thing the psychiatrist said when he saw me was 'why are you here? You're not depressed!' (It was ptsd instead) so be wary of any 'fixes' like that they come up with

Thinking of you hun xx

 

[Kezzipea]

hi hun!
Massive cuddles!

I have had the same problem. After 2 n half yrs and 5mcs later i cannot get over them.
I was WTT (waiting to try) for a few months recently.....but wat i didnt tell people was that id actually finally gone to the docs (or been dragged by my OH and family) and they'd prescribed me anti-depressants. Which is why i cudnt TTC anymore.
I was also afraid of being labelled....or felt silly for feeling down as many other people have a lot worse.
Im not top notch now but im back TTC and we'll see how things go.
The pills did clear my head abit.
Have u thawt of councilling?
The anti-depressants cleared my head but wen i had councilling after losing twins dec 2010 i stopped blaming myself for the loss.
It sounds like ur pushing ur OH away. which is wat i do wen im stressed. I can be a right dragon.
But hes stuck by my as im sure ur OH will too.
It took me a long time to go and ask for help.
I learnt ts ok to be sad.
Go for help hun.

Lots and lots of love
xxxxxxxxx

PS: all my 'due dates' have passed now....but i found each and everyone very hard.
Ur not alone shug xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

oh sweety i lost mine at 14 weeks last september and my due date helped me close off the mc and move on a little bit

but its so hard i know how you feel, i still am waiting for my bean but nothing is up with me dont stress hun

i was depressed after my mc as it was first one, and i was so far only found out at the scan! afterwrads i went through stages of hatred, drinking, generally being horrid but all that is is grief and its natural to feel down and upset about it doesnt always mean you are depressed you lost a child that takes time to heal x

your doctor sounds like a bit of a knob tbh as pills dont take away the grief of a mc, its not something that can be quick fixed it has to come when you are ready and for me that didnt happen until my due date x speak to your doctor why not hget some blood tests done to ease your mind nothing is up and keep faith darling your time WILL Come

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi Laura,

Sorry to hear things are not so good for you but I think it is very positive that you are indentifying issues and realising things aren't right.

At least now you are in a position to make things better for yourself, your OH and your little boy.

Get yourself to the Dr's hun and start the ball rolling, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

Big hugs

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lauralou]

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[Rednursie]

Hi Laura. I'm so sorry for your loss and to hear your having such a hard time. I lost mine in February at 13 weeks and I am nowhere near over it. We have been having bereavement counselling since and I can't recommend it highly enough. Yes, it is really hard and painful but it's so good to have dedicated time to discuss just how rubbish things are. My oh finds it great too and that's really saying something (he can be a bit on the cynical side lol) I come away from our sessions feeling a lot clearer about things. Massive hug xxx

 

[jojo3972]

hiya realy sorry for ur loss its realy hard getting over such a sad thing to happen its happened to me 3 times 2 most recent as seen on my sig,i think seeing a counciler will do you the world of gd hopefully i was heading down the steady slope of depression but i have my other kids to think about and i gave myself a gd kik up arse n said to myself come on jo u can do this and i slowly started to feel better altho its only been 5 weeks since my mmc i had 2 options up and down and im a very strong person anyways with what i have had to deal with other the yrs oh calls me a hard bitch lol u better believe it hehe anyways bk to you did ur epu not give u a leaflet for counciling ? i had one in post recently asking if i needed it mind i didnt get one last yr so maybe its only for woman who had more than 1 which is a bit crap tbh,i just wnated to say im sorry and that couciling will be a way forward for you i think and the best of luck i hope u are ok xxxx

 

[Rednursie]

Also, I dont know if you've ever heard of the miscarriage association Laura but I contacted them after my loss and went to one of their support groups. I found it really good. Xxx

 

[lauralou]

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[Rednursie]

Thanks for ur replies girls, really helps. Rednursie- how is it going? What is the counselling like? I'm so bad at opening up, I'm worried il just freeze and not know what to say. What kind of things do they do/say? Sorry, I don't want to pry so u don't have to be specific but do they kind of wrk out why u feel like u do, and whether it's depression or bereavement? .

Hi Lauralou
My counselling is run by a bereavement charity and the counselling I have is for parents who have lost a baby/child. Maybe google bereavement counselling in your area? Its an amazing service. Also, if you contact the miscarriage association they will tell you if there any support groups in your area. I found that brilliant. The best part about the counlling is that it forces me and oh. To talk about our feelings in front of each other. And it is dedicated time to talk about how rubbishnthe whole experience was and how hard life has been since.She asks specific questions about my feelings, I guesss trying to figure out and helping me identify triggers for feeling sad. IT really makes me think and rationalise things. And beat myself up a lot less. I don't think she really works out why I feel like I do, I think it's more that because she makes me talk and think about my feelings I kind of figure it out myself. I don't know if that makes sense? I do find it hard sometimes to open up but she is so good at making me talk without being forceful or intimidating. She asks exactly the right questions (which can be very hard).I go away feeling drained but also like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think if you give it a go you will probably soon come to your own conclusions about weather your depressed or not. I also think that if you are depressed your counsellor will spot this very early and identify this. I hope this helps? Feel free to ask me anything else, I don't mind how specific the questions about the counselling. Really hope you start to feel better Hun xx

 

[netty]

how are you feeling today darling?

 

[jojo3972]

Thanks for ur replies girls, really helps. Rednursie- how is it going? What is the counselling like? I'm so bad at opening up, I'm worried il just freeze and not know what to say. What kind of things do they do/say? Sorry, I don't want to pry so u don't have to be specific but do they kind of wrk out why u feel like u do, and whether it's depression or bereavement?

Jojo I really respect people like u, ur so strong and sensible and doing the right thing. I thought I was doing it too, but ten all of a sudden it's like someone's pushed me off a cliff or something, it just hits me so hard and its happening all the time now. At first I thought it was just normal, and after a few weeks I finally opened up and started to feel a bit better about it. I made some positive decisions in life and things felt great, but its like it's always there, lurking underneath it all and suddenly my stomach just turns and my head hours into meltdown and nothing can change it.

I'm really hoping I snap out of it soon because it's so draining, and physically tiring me out. I wana be back to my normal silly self but I seem to be moping about and when I'm happy I feel guilty for forgetting what I lost. When I'm out drinking I hate myself because in my head I should be pregnant and shouldn't be able to drink. So many stupid things getting to me just wish it would stop. And now I even feel guilty for saying that!!!

Stupid stupid head.

hiya ur not stupid ur just normal its still early days for me and im months to come and im still probably ttc i will be exactly the same and its worse wehn i have had a drink i try not to let it come out but jeez it does and i cant help what comes out of my mouth its terrible,i am now forcing myself to talk to my pregnant friends and congratulate ppl on here getting there bfp i couldnt for ages cos i was just so jelous and bitter and i hated myself u should try the counciling and if u dont like it after a few goes then u can say u tried take care urself and be kind to urself xxxxxx

 

[lauralou]

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[Rednursie]

No worries at all Hun, I know how horrible it is feeling the way your describing. I definitely don't think your being a drama queen. It's great your being so proactive about it. Just keep doing things that you know make you feel better. I always come home in better form when I go to the gym or go for a run too. The counselling will be painful at times but it is so worth it. You will go away from it feeling so much better I promise. Keep strong, I think your doing great xxx

 

[lauralou]

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[jojo3972]

hiya wow thats a hell of a long time aint it , i didnt actualy ring for an app i got letter from my epu department they have there own counciler just to say that they were there is i needed to talk to someone i feel i have made progress and im not getting better at accepting what happened so i dont realy know what the waiting time would have been, hope ur doc can be of help to you best of luck xx

 

[Rednursie]

I waited abut three weeks I think. I went to the miscarriage association support group during that time though which I found helpful. Surely your GP must be able to offer you something sooner? Where are you based hun? x

 

[BeautifulDream]

Aww i'm so sorry you're feeling so shit! I have just gone through the same, 19 days ago. I lost my baby at 8 and a half weeks but didn't find out until I was 12 weeks because I was never going to miscarry naturally. I can relate to a lot of things you said. I talk to my boyfriend about it all but it seems like he just doesn't care.. people have told me that he does care but he tries to stay strong for me so he puts on a brave face but in reality, i don't think the male ever feels what the woman does. She carries the baby, goes through all the morning sickness and stuff, so it's obvious the woman is going to feel it the most. I have turned bitter and unapproachable to some of the most important people in my life and I don't know why. I love them to pieces but they annoy me so much recently! I think my age has a lot to do with how i've handled it.. i'm only 16 and I just have no idea. Falling pregnant, losing our baby, having to have my first ever trip into hospital which terrified me.. going through all that in the space of two months and then i'm left acting like a nutter. Most of the time, i'm fine in myself now. I find myself smiling again and feeling kinda normal. It's never got to the point where i'm thinking of going to the doctors for tablets and I know i'm not depressed because i'm feeling better as the days go on but I know it's heartbreaking and so hard to accept. I would say go back to the doctors asap, they probably find this in a lot of women who have been through the same. My cousin went through this too and found herself in this position but she's okay now. Wishing you well x x