What should i say?

[elliej]

i need some advice guys, my cousin who lives in Canada is due at the same time as me but over the weekend i heard some terrible news. sadly it seems that after having excess amniotic fluid her baby is severly mentally and physically handicapped and it has been reccomended she terminate, even at this late stage, so in effect she has lost her baby at 34 weeks. i feel so guilty in a way that my own pregnancy, touch wood has been perfect and i dont know what to say to her that wont make her feel even worse, i want to express my sympathy but not rub her nose in it. it has really put in perspective how stupid i have been to worry about getting my nursery ready when hers probably is but there wont be a baby to sleep there. any advice people, on what i can say to her? i just feel so bad and cant stop thinking about it.

 

[xjdx]

Im so sorry hun, i wouldnt even know where to start im very sorry to hear what has happened i just wanted to give you these

 

[HollyHobby]

How heartbreaking I think it's probably best just to be a listeneing ear for her rather than you saying too much. Just let her know if she needs to talk youre there.
There isnt much you can say to her that is going to make any difference, and she might not even want to talk to anyone just yet. You'll have to play it by ear.

 

[Becky]

Can you send her a card that says "Thinking of you" or similar and just write inside that if she needs you, you're there for her?

 

[*sara*]

I think if you let her know your there for her when she needs you and that your thinking of her. What a sad thing to happen

 

[Slinky Sarah]

I agree just let her know you are there when she needs to talk.

Be warned though she may just shut herself off from you for a while. i know that sounds bad but when my cousin lost her little one at 36 weeks she has found it so hard to talk to my other cousin who got preg and has had her healthy little boy just over 3 months ago...

It will hurt you too obviously so dont be afraid to talk to others about how its all making you feel too ok even if its just us on the forum.

Take care and love to all your family at this awful time xx

 

[tracey 2]

im so sorry to read this hun

give her some space and just let her know you are thinking of her and will be around if she needs a chat anytime as im sure you will be sometimes just knowing someone is there is the best thing than always trying to know what to say and asking if she is ok from personal experience iv found anyway,

also SANDS is a brilliant support for anyone whatever the circumstances for losing a childand they have been a great life line for me, if you want any info about them or anything PM me and i can tell you more.

sending lots of hugs to you all

 

[elliej]

thanks for your replys everyone, and thanks for all the hugs. i sent an email just saying thinking of you and will leave it until i know more before letting her know i am here to talk. it kept me up all night thinking about it, and how easily it could have been me instead. life is such a fragile thing.