Wedding advice please... (a bit long sorry)

[Ruthie]

I need your help please…

My OH is Australian and I am English… Earlier this year we decided that at the end of this year or early next year we would move to Aus where he is from. We decided it would be a better quality of life for us and our (hopefully) future family…

Whilst on holiday there this March we booked our wedding for 19th April 2008… Not a huge wedding, approx 70 guests including my Mum coming from USA (she lives there), my brother from England and my best friend from England…The remainder of the guests will be any friends who make it from UK but mostly OH friends & family in Aus…

I have now fallen pregnant (yay!) and my due date is 3rd March 2008…

Now here is the dilemma… We have planned to have baby over there (we leave around New Year) and I will be entering Aus on a proposed marriage visa which states that we must be married within 9 months of the visa being issued to me… To be on the safe side this could be from November onwards so in theory we must be married by end of July 2008.

Do we keep the April wedding date even though baby could have just been born 4 weeks or so before hand? I am not so keen because God knows what I will look like (size) and besides having a new baby on the scene will take a bit of getting used to and having the wedding so soon after may be too much pressure/stress…

Do we postpone the wedding to say June? This means that my mum won’t be able to come out until then and won’t be with me after baby arrives. Baby will already be 3 months old when she comes out…

My OH wants to just get the marriage ‘paperwork’ done and then have a party/wedding later on, say in October when it is summer there again… I know this is a good idea but I think that the ‘wedding’ will seem pointless… I wanted the dress, the day etc and if we are already married it seems like I’m being cheated or cheating...!?

So what would you do? Please feel free to come up with more alternate suggestions… I have to make a decision fairly soon because if we are changing the date I need to do it sooner rather than later…

Sorry this is so long but your advice will be much appreciated…

 

[Babylicious]

delay until June

 

[SarahH]

I say go with the first date!!

 

[Nicola]

I agree with your OH, that you could have the official wedding ceremony as your original date, just a really small thing, few witnesses etc and then have a huge party later in the year when things have settled down etc. A friend of mine moved to the States a few years ago, she had a small wedding in Austria (where she's from) to get things official so they could enter the states together on married papers (her DH is American). Once they were settled they had a "second wedding" I flew out for that and she had the same thing except the vows part they read each other a poem and the grooms sister made a speech, commented on their original vows etc - afterwards was a proper sit down dinner, wedding favours, then the dancing/party afterwards - it really was great and how many girls do you know with two wedding anniversaries!! Don't let pregnancy put you off your weddding date and plans etc you'll realise that really it's not the wedding that's important it's those vows, the marriage itself, exchanging those rings - seeing my DH at the end of the isle etc, they are my favourite wedding memories not the cake or dinner etc but standing there exchanging those life long vows with each other - that's whats important.

 

[Emmylou]

I never really wanted to be pg when I got married, wasn't what I had in mind - I wanted the big day same as you, but DH felt strongly about it, so we had wedding in Feb just close family and we are having our reception on 1st Sept for all our friends.
However, this was before Libby was born........with a 4 week old baby you'll be busy enough, and won't want/ need the added pressure, so I would say postpone until June, will be a shame your mom won't be able to come out to you until then, but I would imagine you'll feel more up for a wedding after a few months of being a mummy

 

[Happybunny]

I think you are probably best to delay it. I would have gone with the third option, but you are clearly not keen and that is an important consideration.

It is a shame your mum can't be with you until the baby is 3 months....but in the big scheme of things, how lovely will it be to really enjoy your wedding day with her and show off your beautiful new grandchild without stress.

Good luck to you!!

 

[HappyAlice]

I'd stick with the first date. Newborns aren't that much trouble and if you eat healthily in your preg your body won't be massively different.

 

[Ruthie]

Thanks for all the suggestions and advice so far... I am still very much undecided!

Please keep them coming as I will show it to OH this evening!

 

[tuck]

I had a similar dilemma, was palnning the big white wediing for August 06, the family and friends were making plans to come here etc, I then fell preg so we cancelled wedding as baby was due end of July, sadly things didnt work out, we then decided to have a very small registry wedding, very unromantic but this was really so I was covered by my DH IKA which is sort of like our Nat Ins, anyway we then planned the church wedding/blessing for this Aug but again I fell preg so again we delayed it, in retrospect now I've had baby I wish we hadnt delayed it so we are now planning for next Aug.

I dont feel like I'm cheating or anything by wanting/having the big white wedding, the orthodox church (which we will be getting married in) dont recognise that we're already married anyway so the day will still have all the meaning etc.

good luck with whatever you decide

 

[NIE]

If it was me, I would go with the first date.

I would want my mother there and your new baby wont be much trouble at all.

It's difficult when you have thought on how you want to look for your special day but to me the most important thing would be marking the ocassion with my family and getting married.

Good luck with your decision. Let us know what you decide. xxx

 

[kirlykird]

I say June

I get married in 4 weeks time when Sam will be 20 weeks old.
It's hard going tryong to organise now let alone when he was 4 weeks old

Plus if the birth doesn't go to plan & you ended up with a section,believe me,you wouldn't want to get married during that recovery period

Our situation is slightly similar as my df is Swedish & his parents are there & although they haven't spent much 'early months' time with sam in general,they have had video clips,photoos,e mails & webcam chat & you can prob do that wih your mum.

I def say June

 

[Minime]

I need your help please…

My OH is Australian and I am English… Earlier this year we decided that at the end of this year or early next year we would move to Aus where he is from. We decided it would be a better quality of life for us and our (hopefully) future family…

God youre so lucky! We're stuck here till DD finishes school and OH is top end of age limit so we may never go. Good Luck over there hun!

 

[Gem & Leland]

personaly i would bring wedding forward ! if i was getting married anyway there's something special about having a baby with your husband , like in hossy when they say mrs and mr .