Was having kids a strain on your relationship?

[Pippa1703]

Hi, I'm fully aware that's it's difficult, especially if not a planned pregnancy, but have any of you noticed a huge difference in your relationship?
We're planning not to plan (long story but we both want kids soon!)

I know we won't have much alone time, and sex life will dip for a while, but I mean emotionally? Did the tiredness and crying draw a wedge between you?
Or did it make you work better as a team?

I worry because my OH is always saying what a strain it's going to be (he has a son already but his ex is a selfish cow and a mental case...I could be bias though! Lol)
I can only see us doing really well as a team, we respect eachothers limits and time. But I'm worried he might expect it to be hard and that'll make it be harder!

How did you do as a team when little one came along?

 

[evie_smith]

It made our relationship stronger. I thought it may be the other way but it wasn't I think it made dan have a new respect for me seeing me being life into the world.

 

[tiaflame]

Hi, I'm fully aware that's it's difficult, especially if not a planned pregnancy, but have any of you noticed a huge difference in your relationship?
We're planning not to plan (long story but we both want kids soon!)

I know we won't have much alone time, and sex life will dip for a while, but I mean emotionally? Did the tiredness and crying draw a wedge between you?
Or did it make you work better as a team?

I worry because my OH is always saying what a strain it's going to be (he has a son already but his ex is a selfish cow and a mental case...I could be bias though! Lol)
I can only see us doing really well as a team, we respect eachothers limits and time. But I'm worried he might expect it to be hard and that'll make it be harder!

How did you do as a team when little one came along?

My hubby kept saying to me oh you'll be too tired for sex but its been the opposite! He was just comparing me to his ex after she had the boys lol.
We vowed it wouldn't change us as we are a really strong couple anyway, I have had a couple of wobbly days in the last 8 weeks where I thought he didn't love me anymore, but I think that was just my own mood and paranoia! I think when I was on the cerazette pill, it made me a little crazy!!
Anyway we've worked really well as a team and I'd say we are just the same as we were before, still affectionate, still cuddle up in bed and on sofa.
You obviously have to make the effort and time could be a barrier if you let it, so we are planning a date night every couple of months, we had our first one last week and it was lovely. Xxx


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[redbear]

i think its hard because lack of slept hormones etc it is just a stressful situation lucky me and oh and me are a strong couple but i wouldn't have wanted to do those first few month with a rocky or newish relationship. i have seen a lot of people fall apart just because of the stress but if your strong and work it turns out better after the first bit xx

 

[tiaflame]

I take back what I said earlier in the post lol I've come to bed in a strop lol !! Xxx

 

[Pippa1703]

I take back what I said earlier in the post lol I've come to bed in a strop lol !! Xxx

Lol all credibility is now lost! I'm sure you'll be fine

We're a really strong, communicative couple. I do think it's the element of comparison with his ex that is making him feel sceptical...but i like to think I'm far more sane than her (she's full on batshit crazy!) I think we'll be ok, if it makes some couples stronger, I'm confident we'll be one of them
Thanks girlies x

 

[tiaflame]

Yeah we were ok by the time he came to bed- 15 minutes later lol. It was the old - oh it's easy looking after a baby chestnut !! I just flipped and said if its so easy you Do it 24/7, he comes home to a clean house, washing done and dinner on the table! And has the cheek to say what did you do with the other 7 hours of the day!!!! Grrrr men lol , love him really xx

 

[wifeywifey]

The first few weeks were a strain but we both knew it was because of baby so even tho it was hard we tried to be understanding and once we got into a routine we just got stronger and stronger

 

[tabbi]

its different for everyone, my first with my DD was bad we split up and now with OH and DB we are fine just bite each others heads off every now and again but we always make up x x x

 

[leesey]

We grump at each other a lot, we've not dtd since she was born, we play the 'who's worse-off than who' game (I'm tired cos I have the baby, he's tired cos he works, etc etc) and we hardly ever have fun anymore - but we're a family. There's something intense about that that brings tears to my eyes.

She's becoming a little person in her own right, and communicating with us in a way that astounds me, and that makes up for any roadblocks in our relationship. We know they're temporary. She'll be in her own room soon, I'll feel more body confident hopefully, he'll get more sleep and grump less, I may even have time to do the housework so there's no nagging going on!!

I think as long as you are realistic and know there will be changes (who know what they'll be for you, I'm sure every couple is different) you will be fine. It's temporary! If you're a strong and communicative couple like you say, you'll get past it. A few months VS Big Picture! xx

 

[Jayjay027]

I fully prepared myself for a baby to be a strain on our marriage, but she's brought us closer together and I feel that we're stronger than ever.
Yes it can be difficult, and if we didn't purposely make time for each other we could easily be like 2 ships in the night. And yes we nag each other at times but we really have a much stronger bond than before.
We're seeing each other in a totally different light. To him, I went from selfish, fun loving, carefree party girl, to responsible, grown up mum. And he's working his butt off to show me what a good provider and dad he is. It changes the relationship, but for me, its been for the better xx

Tapatalking from my blackberry!

 

[Pippa1703]

Aw jajay, that's lovely x

 

[CARNAT22]

It's early days for us but it's made me feel so much closer and connected to OH.

We're a proper family now and whatever happens he will always be the man that has given me my beautiful son. We're entwined forever now and although we've always been committed (we've been together 5 years) it just feels different now.

Don't get me wrong we've sniped at each other - I've not slept since 3 days before I had baby - but we just take one look at the little man and it's all forgotten!

Baby was born on OH's Birthday so there is also that extra 'bond' between the two of them and it makes me want to cry [happy tears] when I think about all the wonderful things we have to come!

I am realistic and know there will be times we'll argue and disagree but I cannot foresee anything overshadowing how much we love our baby and each other for making him possible

xxxxxxx

 

[littlemuffin]

We now have something that we both have made together which we love more than anything.

I think sometimes I'm very jealous of how easy he has it. He thinks that looking after LO while I have a shower is his job for the day on a Saturday and Sunday. But it's just a bond you have you can't express.

 

[alandorian2]

It made our relationship stronger. I thought it may be the other way but when someone is in your mind, it turns you to get impatient. You may think that the topic is diverted, but even I would like to share. I was in relationship with escorts in London. It spoiled my family life.

 

[Joolz1117]

Well for me it gets more difficult as the kids get older x we had a very close relationship and still do but it's changed so much x my ds is 9 and dd is 5 and I'm 28 wks preg with number 3 x at the beginning we had good days and bad with all the tiredness etc but its as the kids learn to talk and play you off one another that it causes more arguments between you x they are very good at winding mum and dad up and getting what they want which is what causes most arguments we have x we disagree over certain aspect of discipline and what to allow them to do when etc so it becomes even more important to stay strong and together and on the same page as the kids grow older IMO x obviously we both enjoy it or we wouldn't be doing it again lol x

 

[Hunnie]

I'd definitely say yes. I had so many mood swings when I was pregnant and it made our relationship quite difficult especially when I became irrational and just plain nasty. Then after having her it was difficult until I finally admitted to have PND and most likely pre natal depression as well and it got better again but we never ever get to spend any time together getting to go out alone because we both work full time and my MIL has LO a lot and so when we aren't working we like to spend time with LO but also we feel bad about leaving LO with his MIL because she already has her all the time as it is.

 

[JJ Mum]

It is hard Pippa, but you work through it.. sex has turned into a 15 min window at really odd times , as we have 4 kids and one of them shares our room so that's not going to help... I find we work together better , we both say the same to the kids, we def work on the same page - it's key.. I do the lion share of kids and hubby works , but when I did work until my last child, I still did the same, so it's not always even, mums tend to do more.. If i'm struggling, then oh will sense that and step up, and if hes getting stressed, then I will step up, and that way it works.. We don't got out but do try to have resterant home nights, where we will feed kids early and then cook together nice food and get some drink in and buy a dvd, and have childfree time, like a date.... boy it goes along way....