Having a tough time..

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Rubys mummy, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. Rubys mummy

    Rubys mummy Well-Known Member

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    Never thought I would be posting here with relationship problems...me and OH have always been happy but the last few months things are going wrong...

    We had a terrible row today (we average one hum dinger a week at the mo :roll: ) and he basically said I am lazy, I have no time for him or the dog and what hurt the most was he said it was ME not him who wanted a baby and he cant handle the change to his lifestyle. :shock: All I care about is the baby apparently..

    I am finding things tough being a full time working mum and the past few months have been stressful-Ruby has been ill time and time again, and we have all had a sickness bug this week

    I feel we would both be happier on our own at the moment-he looks at me and Ruby like we are doing his head in all the time.

    This is my home, he moved in with me a few years ago and I had him put on the mortgage so now I feel so trapped as I have no where to go :cry: :cry:

    Life is too short to be unhappy, and I am beginning to think we could both be happier apart?

    Sorry for rant xxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. mary70

    mary70 Well-Known Member

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    big hugs hun, you could always say that to him if he is not happy he knows where the door is, might give him the shock to do something about his behavour :hug:
     
  3. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    i was gonna say wot mary said to hun

    :hug: :hug: i hope things work out for the best
     
  4. kalia

    kalia Well-Known Member

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  5. Nic'n'Keeley

    Nic'n'Keeley Well-Known Member

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  6. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

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    Oh Zoe, I'm so sorry. You always seem so happy together and in love. I think you should try and have an evening together without Ruby and maybe go out for dinner and have a lovely time.
    Having a baby so totally changes your life and your priorities that it puts the strongest relationships under pressure. Ali and I are often stressed out with each other now and we never used to be like that but babies are hard work and they need so much love and attention that it can be hard to remember each other.
    Don't leave or kick him out. Try and talk together and remember what you love about each other. When you talk about Ruby, think that your love made her. Roobs would want her Mummy and Daddy to try and sort things out!
    Hope you can work things through together.
    L xx :hug: :hug:
     
  7. Lola's Mummy

    Lola's Mummy Well-Known Member

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  8. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    my friend had the same thing with her DH a few years back... they took some time apart... and it really helped them re-evaluate their relationship and what they felt for each other... and now their relationship is much stronger because of it.

    In long term relationships with kids... you can start taking advantage of each other... and maybe a little break will allow you to clear your head and see what you really feel ... It's not breaking up forever, just having a break...

    The more time you stay together, the more arguments you have, the more resentment you will feel towards each other... plus people can't argue indefinitely all the time without it becoming emotionally draining, and then you don't have the energy required to put it back into your relationship...

    Talk to him about it.. and see if he thinks its a good idea to have some time apart. Alternatively you can contact relate and see if they can organise something for you :)

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  9. mummykay

    mummykay Well-Known Member

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  10. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug: :hug:
    hav u suggested that (time apart) to him?
     
  11. foxymum

    foxymum Well-Known Member

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    aww hun , i am sorry
    maybe you feel like this at the moment, but in a week or so things will be better?
    i have up & down days & days where i feel i could leave!
    thats normal babe.

    all you can do is follow YOUR heart, only you know how you feel & how you're relationship is.

    i truly wish you luck whatever happens & am here for you. :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  12. Rubys mummy

    Rubys mummy Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all soooo much :hug: :hug:

    We are going to see how it goes for 6 months.

    I keep looking at Rubes and thinking she is a love token, a symbol of our love and we cant just throw that away

    We had a good talk, he cried like a baby, which broke my heart :cry: He isnt coping at all well with things he says....

    Do men suffer post natal depression?? :oops: Does that sound stupid?
     
  13. Minxy

    Minxy Well-Known Member

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    Not at all, I think you have something in that.

    A baby is a huge stress on mum and dad, not only are men likely to feel the pressure to 'provide', they have to get by on less attention which we all know is tough on the poor souls.

    I'm pleased you're going to work it through together. I'm not convinced of time apart, I don't believe in absence making the heart grow fonder but that is, of course, my own selfish opinion.

    The best way to stay a family is to work through things AS a family and the fact he got so upset shows how commited you both still are :hug:

    Anyway never mind him, what about you? Working fulltime and caring for your child is tough, he's a cheek to call you lazy, I think you're amazing! Are you due any holiday? Maybe have some QT all together at home (and Christmas doesn't count :wink: )
     
  14. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    zoe- just seen this hun hope your ok.

    im sorry you and OH have been going through a rough time but im pleased to hear you are working things through, you are a great family and always have time for you hun if you ever need to talk or anything, my phone is always on.

    I wish you both the best, hugs to you all :hug: :hug:
     
  15. xrachx

    xrachx Well-Known Member

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    awww hun, i just wanted to give you a :hug:
     
  16. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    I think it's great that you sat down and got things sorted with him, well at least laid the problems out to see... and that you are at least going to give yourselves a period of time where you can work at your relationship and see where you stand 6 months from now... In some cases time apart isn't appropriate..

    Its very possible that your man is depressed... after all people generally get depressed when there are huge changes going on in their lives that they are unsure about, or feel trapped by... and well having a baby is a huge sign of commitment and a major change in your life...

    You stop being a child and become a parent.... so yer.. Its very possible that he is having issues.... Maybe you should look into marriage councilling or even go visit a doctor together :think:
     
  17. Rubys mummy

    Rubys mummy Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls :hug:

    This week has been better, its feels like we are both trying a bit harder and we have so far spent our first weekend in ages without a row :cheer:

    He has made an effort all week to interact with Rubes, which she loved, as she adores him..it was lovely to see them giggling away and I made an effort to wrap up and join him and the dog on a big walk this afternoon. It was just like the old days before we became parents.

    I am going away next saturday over night with some friends to a christmas festival thingie at Blenheim Palace so I think it will be good for him to be on his own with her (he has never spent more than a few hours with her on his own) and will give him a chance to see how hard it is looking after a baby...

    Feeling a bit more positive this week, going to take it day by day xxxxx
     
  18. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    awww thats great hun
    so glad ur feeling a bit more postive
     

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