whats your relationship history?

[mrs_tommo22]

No zebra, choose wisely, not the first person that payus you a blind bit of notice.

 

[zebrastripes]

Sound advice. It just kind of scares me, because I can't see my boyfriend ever being violent, but then I think, I bet there's plenty of other women who couldn't imagine their OH hitting them either, until he did.

 

[trixipaws]

GGG You're a very brave lady

i 2nd that
x sophie x

i 3rd it

 

[Squiglet]

Zebra try and go for the nice guys. .. I remember with both my ex's I knew they were bad from the start but I think that was what attracted me to them... I have a bad boy attraction.

Plus the violence and abuse starts quite early on in the relationship...but they say sorry, they wouldn't do it again, it was because they were stressed/tired/worried/hungry/drunk/stoned/that you had wound him up yada yada yada...and you stupidly believe them cos you love them. It progressively gets worse till they do something terrible which makes you re evaluate the relationship.

I can't imagine my hubbie ever hitting me... or anyone else for that matter, he just doesn't have it in him.

 

[trixipaws]

i'v only really had 2 relationships, and the first one was a silly childish one, so only one really!

1995 (age 14)
at the start of the year i was squeaky clean and never been kissed, but i jumped in with both feet and got up to allsorts with several boys, lost my virginity and discovered cider and drugs. for the next few years i wasnt interested in a relationship i much preferred getting drunk with my friends and going with different fit boys!

1998 (age 17) - relationship #1
met an american guy with a rich family who liked me a lot and i shamelessly used him to buy me drinks and stuff and to stay at his student flat (coz i still lived at home). i did grow fond of him and thought i loved him, although i treated him badly (immature!) i slept with his (engaged to be married) best friend, at his mums house of all places, while he slept! but when he dumped me i was devo'd! it lasted 6 months.

1999 (age 18 )
went through a bit of a phase, i thought i was a lesbian (i even sat down with my mum and did the whole 'coming out' speech!) still wasnt interested in relationship tho far more into clubbing, drugs and different fit girls!

2000 (age 19) - relationship #2
met my current boyf in a club. didnt expect it to go anywhere and nor did he we were just having fun. but the attraction grew stronger and turned into love within 18 months (probably earlier actually but we wouldnt admit it lol). it was turbulent for the first 2 years we fought loads and split up (for about 10 minutes) nearly every week! i lived at his flat for a few years then we bought a house together in 2003 and put cats in it and held parties in it! in 2006 i unexpectedly fell pregnant and i just had our baby daughter last month!

 

[leckershell]

Before you read this and think really badly of me, or some kind of sleep-around, I was a very mixed up person.

My first 'boyfriend' at 16 was my best friend, I never really hung out with the girls and just got on with him. We had a lot in common as were both quite depressed.. which ended up being a bad thing for us both to be together and he ended up abusing me (I can't say the R*** word, but that's what I mean). Because he was my first boyfriend, and it was my first experience of sex, I didn't know any different.. it carried on for a few months like that until in the end he went off with someone else anyway so that ended that.
My second boyfriend was ok for a few months, then again locked me in his 4th floor flat and told me I wasn't going anywhere until I did what I was told so yeah as soon as that was done with he let me go and I ran away and got on the nearest bus (luckily it was empty as he lived not far from bus depot, and the driver saw how upset I was so put 'not in service' on the bus and drove me to the train station so I could go home). I never saw him again.
My third boyfriend was called Andy and he was a guy I worked with, he was lovely, was quiet, and not had a girlfriend before. Well I hadn't had a nice boyfriend before, so it was all good. Then I got bored of him cos he was too nice, and I went off with one of his mates... who then cheated on me and also 'set me up' on a date with one of his mates who completely randomly did the r word...

Yeah I know it sounds bad, and I know I wasn't doing anything wrong cos I'm a clever girl, I guess I was just very unlucky and naive.
From then on I knew it was wrong, and it turned me a bit funny.. was in and out of relationships that lasted about a month each. They didn't hurt me or anything as I'd grown wise to the people I should and shouldn't hang around with, and had grown up a lot in those few months. I just got bored and wanted to be looked after and be the centre of attention.

I eventually found a nice guy called Dean through internet dating and we were together a while and were engaged and living together. He started working shifts, and not seeing each other just did us in so unfortunately it had to end and I moved to Tamworth.
A couple of brief (3 month ish) relationships later I had practically given up and decided to stay single but then got to know Nat and here we are a year and a bit later having a baby and living together.

Woo it's been a toughie but I'm a stronger person now, and know I'm happy in the life I've chosen with Nat.

 

[lotti77]

WOW... what amazing histories of some of you ladies hats off to you!!!!
Mine might not be as colourful
At 17 met Gra... my first love... together for 4 years lost 1 of my Angels with him lived together but both were too young & immature for serious stuff We split coz I left to live in America on exchange year with uni... We lost contact
Had few casuals in America
I came back and met my ex D (worst mistake of my life) VERY violent after I lost my twins with him but did manage to have my son Left him Valentines Day 2003 after 4 years ( I do things in style )
Had few more casuals
At 27 met Gra again in my place of work by pure accident (neither of us were supposed to be there that day... fate I'd say) he'd just left his wife after 5 years of marriage (he said he married her on the rebound from me & he neva quite got ova me...aaarrrrhhhh!!!!) We started a relationship, been together 2 years, live together, are engaged and have baby on the way
I've got my first love back and it's neva been better coz we have history we know each other inside and out and we have been through so much together we can't live without each other

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Im not judging you at all michelle ,sounds like you have been through some bad shit like some of the other girls have. You cant help who you fall for or whats going to happen.
But like the other ladies you have also comew through the sunny side smiling.
Your a brave gal mate to go through all that shit and still like men!

 

[leckershell]

Im not judging you at all michelle ,sounds like you have been through some bad sh*t like some of the other girls have. You cant help who you fall for or whats going to happen.
But like the other ladies you have also comew through the sunny side smiling.
Your a brave gal mate to go through all that sh*t and still like men!

I also ended up living with a pedo and not knowing it but I didn't include that. I've since reported him and got him banned from every youth group he used to run. Sicko.

It sounds like a nasty thing to say, but I'm sort of glad that there are other people around that can understand where I'm coming from sometimes and that the world isn't all happy and cheerful. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me feeling a particular way because of memories and things, but sometimes on the forum it's bad, but sort of comforting at the same time, that there are other people like me.

(I don't mean that in a nasty way to anyone, I'm not so good at phrasing things..) It's bad that nasty things happen and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's also nice to know there are people we can turn to.

 

[gingerpig]

Leckershell we're quite similar My abusive relationships started when I was very young as my mum had post natal psychosis which was never really cleared up - she's in hospital as we speak as she's finding the birth of her first grandchild a terrible trigger. As a result I got so used to being beaten up and belittled that surprisingly enough my first serious relationship was more of the same. He didn't actually rape me, but that's more because I always said yes. I didn't know any better to say no. I've often thought it would be easier to say it was rape and went through a period of thinking it was but (for me) it was more that I needed to be abused as I didn't know any other way of relating to people. That was when I was 17 and at 32 I met Ian my OH who is just wonderful in every way. We share the same faith (both Buddhist) and I can honestly say it is the first relationship I have been in where there is real equality and trust and respect - all the good stuff. For me it was a gradual learning process through lots of one night stands and unfulfilling relationships with lots of damaged men. For it was definitely being a Buddhist that made a huge difference - the essence of the religion is about finding happiness and I did. First of all I found enough love to have a pet mouse, then a guinea pig, then Ian then 8 more guinea pigs (Terry Pig the first was long dead by then) and then finally Deborah! In all of that I've managed to start to love me too - even though that sounds really cheesy it's important. I had a slight detour as well as I had ME and had to leave work (but luckily was able to move in with Ian) but it was a great learning experience as I learned not to aim for perfection and to put my fear in a safe place so to speak. Hmmm this was about our blokes wasn't it? Sorry to have digressed but to all the brave women on this thread.

 

[leckershell]

hugs to everyone

hugs to gingerpig

I got a bit emotional last week as when I was clearing out the junk I'd been carrying around with me for years, I found old photos and things and it upset me how I used to be, and who I used to be with. I have since had proper counselling and they told me because of the way I kept things hidden for so long, I had messed myself up and become bipolar.. but I'm ok, just means I get really down about 1 week in 6, and in between that I'm hyper

Glad to see everyone has come out a stronger person. I've often thought of trying to set up some sort of group or something for people who have been abused as there don't seem to be many places to turn to, but unfortunately being bipolar it wouldn't do me any good and I would just regress.

 

[gingerpig]

Awwwwww (((((Leckershell))))) I must admit I'd not ehard that of bipolar people before - my mum is bipolar as well. She found CBT very helpful, and if things are getting a bit much for me (although I don't have depression) I do use that good CBT technique of making a specific time to worry about them and then putting them aside until that specific hour comes up. Not sure if that would be helpful to you or not.... I've had proper counselling as well so I don't feel like I need support any more that way, but then I do have a spiritual teacher (in fact 2) I can turn to for advice and that always seems to work. Good luck in finding the support you feel you need - I hope you manage to find enough without regressing

 

[zebrastripes]

Ok I severely doubt if i did get into an abusive relationship that I'd be as brave as any of you ladies. I have a real paranoia that I'm going to end up in one, just don't think I'd cope.
On the other hand,I've been with my current b/f for a couple of years, and I really doubt he'd hit me or anything. So I suppose it's just a matter of avoiding any future crazy people, unless my b/f turns out to be abusive *eek*

 

[leckershell]

If you've got a nice boyfriend now, you're probably likely to pick any future boyfriends in a similar vein - so you would probably notice if anyone wasn't as nice as your current boyf straight away. Don't worry about things that haven't yet happened

Gingerpig - I'm generally ok, it's just every so often I get really down. I don't have to have medication so I'm not like extreme bipolar or anything, and the counselling I had was with a CBT trained counsellor - I'd recommend it to anyone ever having counselling, it was really productive.

Aww hugs to everyone x

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Michelle my mother has biopolor and doesnt deal with it well at all, and shes a bloody psycho and I wouldnt let my kids near her after everything she has done to me and her ******ed oartners iver the years - shes on hubby number 3 now and hes a total wanker.

How did you come about being diagnosed with bipolor because sometime i think i have it.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Im bi-polar too, was diagnosed at 13, but my cycles are pretty long so its not as bad as some others have it.

Big hugs to all of you, I truly beleive we go through these things to learn and grow, and the inner strength it shows just gives us and others hope for the future

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I want to say thanls to everyone on here that has shared their life experiences, it makes me realise im not alone as i thought i was and its nice to have someone to talk too when i need a chat about stuff like this.
It feels good to tell people instead of bottling it up cos thats when i lose the plot.

Big hugs to all x

 

[leckershell]

Michelle my mother has biopolor and doesnt deal with it well at all, and shes a bloody psycho and I wouldnt let my kids near her after everything she has done to me and her ******ed oartners iver the years - shes on hubby number 3 now and hes a total w**ker.

How did you come about being diagnosed with bipolor because sometime i think i have it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

When I was having my CBT counselling I did a mood diary, and was to include anything that was a particularly good or bad or extreme moment. I'd end up with having a fantastic day at work, smiles all over the sheet, but stand in the middle of the road at night feeling like I couldn't cope. But yet I had no idea why, as I knew everything in my life was ok.

It was also noted that because I used to do a lot of fundraising gigs for charity, you need to be quite a confident person to do it, and how do you manage to do that if you're in a depression. So he suggested I watch the Stephen Fry documentaries about bipolar, and read up on Robbie Williams, and being confident in a performer type way, was a way of hiding the other depressed person inside by being excessively active/hyper/'manic' as the other person.

"Robbie Williams entered a rehabilitation centre in Tucson, Arizona, US on February 13, 2007 for addiction to the anti-depressant Seroxat.[95] He left the centre on March 7 according to his official website.

In his fly-on-the-wall documentary Nobody Someday (2001) he repeatedly mocked his flamboyant behaviour on stage and felt that the persona and 'brand' of Robbie Williams Popstar was a fake that he increasingly felt uncomfortable with. In more recent documentaries he yearns to become a credible artist in the eyes of the serious music press. In 2006 he appeared in "The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive", a BBC documentary on bipolar disorder, hosted by Stephen Fry, where he spoke publicly about his own experiences with depression. However, he said that the manic behaviour shown on stage was simply an act, saying he'd been diagnosed as being "dead upset" and started taking anti-depressants 13 months after becoming sober."

God I bet that makes nooooo sense?! Did you watch the Stephen Fry documentaries? I've got them on DVD somewhere if you wanted a copy.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

It actually makes loads of sense and when my LO is born and im settled I will see how i feel then.But i want my hormones to sette a bit

 

[leckershell]

I found out yesterday my area has a PND group, so I feel better that they'll be other moms around in a similar situation, as I assume with bipolar the PND is probably going to be worse and more likely.