Visitors?

[Sarah85]

My in laws havnt even been to see the scan photo yet when we've asked them over numerous times. So in my
Mind they can piss off if they think they'll be first to meet our baby. That's for my parents and siblings who have been so supportive already.

 

[Sarah85]

Haha sorry muscle I thanked your post thinking I was on Facebook and like it lmao!

 

[Jayjay027]

You shouldn't have to slink off to ur bedroom any time ur LO needs fed!! It'll take a few days to get into a feeding routine and its not fair on u to have to get up and leave the room every time ur baby needs fed!!

Seriously hun, ur not a bad person at all. Just say no!

We had a DH's cousin stay with us when we got married, and we spent our first day as a married couple with this guy who I didn't know that well sitting with us all day, and it was horrible!! It really ruined that newlywed feeling for us as we couldn't be all kinky and frisky on the sofa and I couldn't just be myself at all. And I'll never forget how that was destroyed for us because of him. Since then, I've learned that my space and my home is the most important place in the world and I need to feel happy and comfortable at home at all times!
You will always associate ur first few days with LO as being uncomfortable and awkward because of them being there, and its not worth it!

Tell ur husband the answer is no, and that's final! X

 

[Sunshine_1]

I admire the ladies who are advising you to be calm and talk this through with him, the first words out of my mouth would have been 'you must be flippin joking!', when I had DD years ago I remember sitting on my bean bag on my arm-chair (don't ask, but the only way the stitches got a moment of comfort) first day home, and his vile friends turned up at the door, I just told him I didn't want visitors and to tell them to go away....there would have been war if he'd let them in.

I am lucky in that my parents live on the same street as me, and will pop in and out of the hospital and the house when they are welcome and if they are needed, my Mum was my rock with my DD and I expect she will be again. I expect my FiL will come down within a few days, but as we don't have a spare bed in our house, he stays with my Mum and Dad anyway. If my SiL comes down (which I doubt), it will either be for the day (I'll have to cope) or they can go and stay at a nearby travelodge.

No way would I have anyone coming to stay with me, I know, just like last time I will be funny about who comes to visit, and especially will not want anyone there who won't play by my rules. I can't believe that his family have just invited themselves to stay like that without asking if thats what you want!

 

[russellmuscle]

Haha sorry muscle I thanked your post thinking I was on Facebook and like it lmao!

LOL thats ok, I think sometimes "I wonder if I should say thanks" but really I want to like it.

Honesty is the best policy, everyone knows where they stand.

My MIL even said to me I was to go out and pick baby stuff with her as she knows if she buys something and I dont like it Ill tell her lol, and wont put it on the baby. Some people may see that as being stuck up but its the type of person I am and prefer to be honest rather than say ohhh thats nice and put it on whenever she came up as if to say "look the baby does wear what you got us" no thanks lol xxx

 

[Sarah85]

My best friend had a horrible situation with in laws just to share. She was breast feeding in her in laws spare bedroom her FIL knocked the door and said "I think you've been doing that long enough now we don't want an obese grandchild" bearing in mind she was suffering at the time with post natal depression. She eventually talked to her in laws as there was lots of problems (like them turning up and took a key to get another made for them and first she knew was when they had walked in and was sitting on sofa.)
She wished she'd spoken to them earlier about it (her hubby is a waste of space btw no use)

 

[russellmuscle]

Seee thats my fear, some grandparents are just TOO controlling, I have said that for my two visits I want my fam up first then OH's and not because I dont get on with them or my fam but its for the reason that alot of grandparents feel awkward around the other grandparents and things like holding the baby, they dont feel comfortable infront of the other grandparents - so to save all awkwardness Im separating my fam and inlaws for the hospital visits xxxx

 

[Doob]

Oh dear I really feel for you, this is a horrible situation to be in! I definitely agree with the other ladies that you are not being at all unreasonable in how you feel and your OH shouldn't just dismiss it as you being hormonal!!. My oh also had a tendency to put some of my opinions down to hormones and be a bit dismissive but since I've told him how much it upsets me he's stopped and started to realise that it's still how I feel and him saying flippant comments like that stresses me out more! However, I think your OH needs to realise that this isn't a fair situation that his parents have put you in and that whilst he wants to keep the peace with them he needs to be more understanding of how much it is stressing you out (and so do they really) so he needs to be on your side!

Also please don't worry about whether you are being polite or not, they have imposed themselves on you with this idea and you should be able to have your home environment exactly how you want it when you come home with your baby. Under no circumstances should you feel trapped in your bedroom because you want to BF etc. that extra stress wouldn't be good for you or LO.

Like others have said, maybe talk to your OH about reaching a compromise with his parents by them staying in a local hotel and maybe they can come and stay when LO is a bit older.

 

[Jayjay027]

Haha sorry muscle I thanked your post thinking I was on Facebook and like it lmao!

LOL thats ok, I think sometimes "I wonder if I should say thanks" but really I want to like it.

Honesty is the best policy, everyone knows where they stand.

My MIL even said to me I was to go out and pick baby stuff with her as she knows if she buys something and I dont like it Ill tell her lol, and wont put it on the baby. Some people may see that as being stuck up but its the type of person I am and prefer to be honest rather than say ohhh thats nice and put it on whenever she came up as if to say "look the baby does wear what you got us" no thanks lol xxx

This sounds just like me! I'm too honest for my own good sometimes! But my MIL would never suggest going shopping with me (nor would I want her to) so I have told her if she buys stuff to keep the receipt so she can bring it back if its not nice.
She said 'I wouldn't buy it if it wasn't nice!' To which I replied 'our opinions on what is nice are very different' lol. She's never really liked me that much though so I don't even care! X

 

[Sarah85]

I think I'm lucky in some respect I know my in laws probably expect my parents to be the first to visit. My hubby's family are a bit odd not that close at all.
Just speak to OH and have a plan of action and stick to it is my advice. X

 

[russellmuscle]

Haha sorry muscle I thanked your post thinking I was on Facebook and like it lmao!

LOL thats ok, I think sometimes "I wonder if I should say thanks" but really I want to like it.

Honesty is the best policy, everyone knows where they stand.

My MIL even said to me I was to go out and pick baby stuff with her as she knows if she buys something and I dont like it Ill tell her lol, and wont put it on the baby. Some people may see that as being stuck up but its the type of person I am and prefer to be honest rather than say ohhh thats nice and put it on whenever she came up as if to say "look the baby does wear what you got us" no thanks lol xxx

This sounds just like me! I'm too honest for my own good sometimes! But my MIL would never suggest going shopping with me (nor would I want her to) so I have told her if she buys stuff to keep the receipt so she can bring it back if its not nice.
She said 'I wouldn't buy it if it wasn't nice!' To which I replied 'our opinions on what is nice are very different' lol. She's never really liked me that much though so I don't even care! X

I think its hilarious that people do just accept ugly things just to be nice, I cant. Its my face it gives it away, and I may aswell have a face on and tell the truth rather than be a bad liar lol! I dont mind going to pick stuff as atleast I know Ill like it.

My birthday she used to get me ugly things and she soon learned I didnt wear them so now she gives me vouchers and before my neices were born she would show me things that she had got them and Id say blatently thats horrid LMFAO .. If I had said ohhh theyr nice, no doubt Id have been bundled with the horrid 80's flower patterned dresses. Yuck! haha xxx

 

[Sarah85]

Lmao! I'm the same well in laws never get me anything for birthdays or Xmas really so not expecting anything for baba but if they do and it's horrid I'm pretty sure my big mouth husband will say before me haha

 

[Hope81]

Thank you girls, I had a good cry and I feel better now...
My oh is quite understanding but as he said the grandparents are so happy that they are probably unstoppable...
We will see how the whole thing will turn up. My last card is when we call them to announce the baby's birth to actually tell them that I had a hard time and give us a couple of days...
I will discuss with him farther until then the idea of them coming to see the baby going back home and then visit us to stay for the next weekend for example ?

 

[russellmuscle]

Its good that OH is on your side and is understanding but still - granchild or no granchild the decision on who you let in the hospital and in your home is your choice if you ask me.

Glad you feel better and hopefully the inlaws see sense and give you space to enjoy your new fam xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

At least you have options hun!

Hope - we'll have a nightmare when baby comes as althoguh we wont be having guests to stay we live close by to both sets of parents.

Plus our baby will have 6 uncles, 4 aunties, and 8 cousins that will all be dying to meet him/her - and they are all pretty near by as well

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Doob]

I'm glad its looking up a little but I think I'd want it sorting out before I went into labour so everybody knows where they stand especially the grandparents who might still think they can come if they don't get told anything directly. Also I think it's more stressful thinking that you'll have to lie about having a harder time in labour so they stay away, also it might make them think you need more help and they turn up! I think honesty is the best policy still Hun xxx

 

[Hope81]

Doob you are perfectly right but I can't do it
We don't know even how the situation will be at the hospital. If I stay there a couple of days they may as well come and visit there. If I will be home the next morning for example they will have to
Come and visit at home. I hope my oh will tell them to go back home of that happens??
God human relationships are so hard I should have to deal with that kind of crap while I am having a baby???
Why people can't be more considerate?
Though I understand that they are only oh so happy and nth else...

 

[russellmuscle]

Hope, send an email! and deal with the moaning later.

Theres being excited and as you say theres being inconsiderate!

I think no matter how you say it, theyr gonna love the baby regardless and who knows, you saying something may put them in there place in other words if OH suggests theyll ignore it.

xxxx

 

[Hope81]

Only if they could use a pc, Internet or even phone messages lol... They barely know how to respond to their phone...

 

[Lolly85x]

I really feel for you, you shouldn't be getting upset and worrying about this. It's ashame. You need to do whatever makes you happy tho... And tell you OH once and for all this is what's happening. And put your foot down.xxx