Visitors?

[Hope81]

My in laws visited us yesterday. They live in Canada but when they come on Norway they have a house like 5 h away from where we live.
They told me that they want to be there at the hospital while I go on labour
Now don't get me wrong I get it that they are so happy and they want to see the baby but be there with me and oh is a whole different story
My parents live in a different country and i told them to come like when the baby is 3 week old already.
I just can't stand the idea of having someone else there other my oh and me?
Same comes for home. My in laws said to my oh that they are planning to come and stay a couple of days with us the moment that we get home with the baby
I must be the most horrible person ever but I completely freaked out with the idea....
It's not what I imagined that our first days will be at home like a family
I will probably be in pain, tired, still bleeding like hell, if I have a c section will be even worst and instead of being calm an resting I will have my in laws here ....I only met them like 4 times in my life FGS... I will be so uncomfortable, thinking about feeding them and making their bed and me breastfeeding....
Ofc nth can be done an they will come but I felt like there is no more joy coming a home with a new baby like that
God the things I say must sound horrible and I feel so guilty for thinking like that...
My oh thinks that it's a not so bad idea as they can help with the baby while I am resting .....
Well the idea is that I don't feel comfortable with them enough to go around in my pajamas, sleep and shove my boob out while they are there and never mind it's a newborn I dorm trust anyone or want anyone to take care of it ... I want to do it...
Ok rant over.... No way we are calling them to come to the hospital before tw baby is born.... As about coming at home the moment we are there I can't stop it from happening so I just wish I could sleep through it all and wake up 2 days later....

 

[Jayjay027]

Omg that would be my worst nightmare! Can't u explain to ut DH the reasons you don't want them there and tell him to have a word? U don't even want ur own parents there at that stage, let alone someone elses.
I think ur husband should understand that u may not be feeling quite urself and won't want to 'entertain' people!
I'm a bit of a hard nosed bitch, so I would just say no, but maybe explaining to ur husband how u feel might make him a bit more understanding.
Hope u get it sorted hun, my heart goes out to u xx

 

[FirstBabyEek]

I have to agree with Jayjay, I would say no outright purely on the basis that you've said no to your own parents so it wouldn't be fair on them. I also think having houseguest to start straight after the baby arrives, is a little inconsiderate of them, it would be different if you'd asked them to stay but you haven't.

Surely they can wait a few days? That first night will be difficult enough.
Xxx

 

[Quartz]

OMG! I am soOoOoOoOo feeling the same way!!!
I live in Germany - family are all in the UK - all are wanting to come over and spend Xmas with us and the thought of it is freaking me out.

I was thinking about doing some ground rules. Maybe it's best for you too, write down what you think, and then speak to the OH calmly. (Good to write it down, because you can always forget those crucial key factors when in the heat of a discussion)

It's going to be a tough time for compromises, but compromises are going to have to happen for both of you. Don't come out as a loser, and try and recognise if you're having unreasonable requests from his point of view (FYI what you have said above is no way unreasonable!)

Explain to hubby that your parents are visiting 3 weeks after the birth and if his parents are going to be there from minute one, you'd feel better if both sets of parents had the same priority.

Certain compromises can be ...
♦ Say no to hospital, but say yes to the visiting hours.
♦ Say no to them staying with you, but yes to staying nearby with daily visits at particular times - routine is best for everyone!
♦ If they do end up staying... make him guarantee that he plays host, he's responsible for cleaning, cooking, making their beds running errands (truth is, he'll probably have help from his mum with all this stuff too ) but if he wants them there, he should agree that you should not feel in any way obliged to play hostess.
♦ When you need time to feed, get an agreement that you can go to the nursery and not be disturbed by them. be crude if you need to be, afterall he wouldnt want to show his private parts to his in-laws
♦ Share with him the ideal picture that you have in your head. How you wanted it to be, and show willingness to compromise, if you show that, hopefully he will too!

I think the key is to write down all of your key concerns, and speak with him calmly. If he understands your worries and anxiety, the better he will be at controlling his parents for you whilst they are there and he can run compromises with them starting now.

good luck
x

 

[Heather_belle]

Oh hope that's such a nightmare! My family and husbands family live about 2-3 hours away and we have decided we are not offering anyone a bed it's too much to expect when ur taking a new born home for the first time.
Really hope u can come to some sort of compromise this is ur time n other people have to respect that n yes everyone is excited etc for new baby buts it's your new baby. Take care n good luck xxxx

 

[Squeakz]

I think we are going to end up like this and if eel for you! my parents live 4 hours aqay and will,travel down the second the lo will be born and expect to stay....whem j was born it was my in-laws who lived ages away and they gave us 4/5 days before travelling up to us and even then stayed in a hotel.saying that id had a section.and 6 days later took me on a 20 million mile walk.....thoight I was gonna pass out .......anyway tamble over....what quartz said sounds like a teasonable compromise if you cant rearrange sethinh? my mum wanted to vome to the birth I told her to piss off. it was a time of phil and I to be together as we started the journey of parenthood and that she had alreadu done that tqice.....

 

[VikkiR]

You need to put your foot down, how presumptious of them. I thought I might have had this problem and still don't know whether DH did have to say anything. It's difficult enough without that added stress. Good luck hun

 

[SunnySue]

Firstly - you are NOT a horrible person! The way you are feeling about this is totally understandable and I'm sure most of us would feel the same way (I know I do!).
You have the right for your first few days as a Mummy and as a family to be as private as you like, you will have been through a lot and deserve to have a few days to settle in by yourselves.
Maybe the in-laws could stay at a hotel instead of your place?
Does OH understand how you feel? Maybe he could talk to them and explain that you BOTH want to have a day or so on your own as a settling in period before you welcome visitors.
Whatever the outcome just remember that this is your time, a time you have waited for and dreamed about and nobody has the right to impose themselves on you and ruin this special time for you. Go with your heart hun, good luck

 

[Hope81]

I spent the night yesterday explaining that to my oh. He understands but He thinks my hormones make me overreact.
He keeps saying that that's the normal things that grandparents do. They wait at the hospital and then they come home to visit the baby and help...
Well ok but I don't like it, I really don't...
as about help.... What help exactly? I was planning to freeze some cooked meals and sown muffins and French toast for breakfast. I will stock the fridge with everything, I will have everything that the baby needs ready, I don't need help I need to be left alone to establish bf, to be able to go to the bathroom 10000000 times if I want, to put my pajamas on and just relax and b on the sofa while we get used to be a family...
We can't really tell them, it's not polite
They should be the ones to think of that...
Oh well, I suppose let them come, and I will spent most of the time in the bedroom bf... Probably though they are so desperate to see the baby that they will follow me there too...
Ok I already have tears on my eyes thinking about that really...
My oh was asking me last night, will you not want to do the same when our daughter has her baby?
Well yes if he wants me there of not I mean I will completely understand that she needs some time.

 

[Jajis]

Oh god, you poor thing As hard as it is I agree with the folk above, either just say no (but make sure you do it now so they have time to get used to the idea), or agree some compromises now so that maybe they do get to come to the hospital to see the baby very soon after it's born (but still not until you're ready), but they don't get to come and stay in your house.

My OH and I still haven't really talked about who is going to come and visit us, and when, but I guess we ought to do it soon. Thankfully there's no room in our flat for anybody to stay over, and both sets of parents live less than an hour away anyway, so they can come visit for short periods of time.

My problem is going to be that I am really close to my Mum (and Dad), and I actually wouldn't mind her being around quite soon after I've given birth, and she's already offered to come and help once my OH has gone back to work (about 3 weeks after LO is born). However, I don't think I could cope if OH's Mum offers to do the same - I just couldn't cope with making small talk with her all day while my OH is at work.

I like my OH's Mum, but she's got a bit funny with us in the past because she doesn't understand why I would feel more at home at my parents house (where I lived most of my life...) than at their house , and I have a feeling she'll be the same about the fact that I feel more comfortable spending time with my Mum that I do with her

 

[SunnySue]

Aww hun, how insensitive of them not to consider your feelings
I understand that they must be excited and want to spend time with the baby, which is quite sweet I guess. But they should understand that the first few days are going to be hectic for you and that even just a day or 2 would allow you the time you need to settle in together.
Please dont let this upset you though, try and forget about it all until the time comes. Maybe things will happen quickly for you and they wont have time to get a flight so fast?? Fx for you!

 

[knopk@]

Its your baby hun and you wont get to repeat those precious newborn moments so only do what you are happy with. I said no to visitors for a week but i was lucky my DH supported me in this.
They will have to wait, recovery from the labour is no walk in the park and i can totally understand, i am a very private person
We also didnt tell anyone when i went into labour, just told them when Anton was born

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Karate Kid]

I feel for you, my hubby is really understanding and after talking to him has grasped the fact that his parents are not my family and I really want to be comfortable in my own home. Both my mum and my MIL wanted to be with me during labour and afterwards but I have said no thank you....

I hope you manage to get through to hubby because what really matters in the first weeks is that you have no extra stress.

 

[Mrs. KM]

Dh's family said the exact same to us. They live 5 hours away and wanted us to tell them as soon as we went into labour so they could come. I told them that wasn't what I wanted. Mil then said they would show up anyway, a bit jokingly, so I said a bit jokingly that I would lock the doors. They had views of how they thought it would be to have a grandchild but I had views of what it would be like to have my baby, and my views came first. I also obviously wanted my Mom to visit first so we told my parents to come for the first week a few days after we got home and then the inlaws were told to come after that. Inlaws were not happy at all but they dealt with it and haven't mentioned it again since lo was born . Stick up for yourself and say what you want. You are the one going through the delivery, breastfeeding and everything else. Even your oh won't quite get what that is like. Xx

 

[katie_lou]

My in laws visited us yesterday. They live in Canada but when they come on Norway they have a house like 5 h away from where we live.
They told me that they want to be there at the hospital while I go on labour
Now don't get me wrong I get it that they are so happy and they want to see the baby but be there with me and oh is a whole different story
My parents live in a different country and i told them to come like when the baby is 3 week old already.
I just can't stand the idea of having someone else there other my oh and me?
Same comes for home. My in laws said to my oh that they are planning to come and stay a couple of days with us the moment that we get home with the baby
I must be the most horrible person ever but I completely freaked out with the idea....
It's not what I imagined that our first days will be at home like a family
I will probably be in pain, tired, still bleeding like hell, if I have a c section will be even worst and instead of being calm an resting I will have my in laws here ....I only met them like 4 times in my life FGS... I will be so uncomfortable, thinking about feeding them and making their bed and me breastfeeding....
Ofc nth can be done an they will come but I felt like there is no more joy coming a home with a new baby like that
God the things I say must sound horrible and I feel so guilty for thinking like that...
My oh thinks that it's a not so bad idea as they can help with the baby while I am resting .....
Well the idea is that I don't feel comfortable with them enough to go around in my pajamas, sleep and shove my boob out while they are there and never mind it's a newborn I dorm trust anyone or want anyone to take care of it ... I want to do it...
Ok rant over.... No way we are calling them to come to the hospital before tw baby is born.... As about coming at home the moment we are there I can't stop it from happening so I just wish I could sleep through it all and wake up 2 days later....

My OH family come and stayed with us when I had the baby I got home from hospital and they where there and it was horrible , I felt like I got on alone time with me and my OH and the LO.

Xxxx

 

[Lolly85x]

Oh I would hate this! I know you think it's not polite, but having a baby is very demanding emotionally and physically. I have been really firm with my mum and sister, I want them to see the baby and by all means they can come to hospital, but only when suits me. And I told my bf his family will be the same. Hospital visitors are minimal. And when we get home depending how I'm feeling. No way would I ever have anyone staying when I was home with the baby, and rude or not you have to let your feelings known.xxx

 

[Happyred]

What a horrible situation for you to be in. And how presumptious of them to think they can impose on you like that. I really think you have to get your oh to talk to them, a visit for an hour or so is fine but you need time yourself to get into a routine. I wouldnt worry about being impolite as if you leave it til after the birth and they do stay with you, your hormones will be all over the place and it might be worse cause you wont care then about being impolite and it could put exta stress on you and your oh,which you really wont need.
I really hope you manage to reach some sort of compromise.

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh sweetie,

If OH is not supporting you then maybe email his parents directly and explain.

We live very close to both sets of parents so we'll see them as soon as we're able BUT it will be a flying visit to meet baby (no doubt they'll be making "flying visits" every day but at least they go home after LOL)

You have to put your foot down and say no to this now.

Let them be in Norway at their own house if they so wish, let them even stay in a hotel close by but there is no way on Earth they should come and stay with you in those early days.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[charliebear]

I agree with the other ladies.

You have to do whats right for your little family. Let them come visit but stay in a hotel near by and they can pop in and visit. Those newborn days are hard but something to treasure, you should be mummy not playing host. xx

 

[russellmuscle]

I would hate that

I would explain to OH that you just want you two there and leave him to explain to his parents if you arent very comfortable. I wouldnt like to be put in that position - im quite fortunate that as I am quite straight forward my inlaws know the score already lol so does OH but I understand that you dont want to be rude or abrupt about it.

I have said to OH I want him at the birth, then my mum can come first at the visiting and only because its my mum lol - I dont think I need to explain that one ladies, lol every woman wants theyr mum.

I wouldnt want my inlaws looking after my baby whilst I rested, its my baby. Not cause I dont trust my inlaws I just think when baby is born families should be given space to bond together. Its usually busy enough as it is when you have a baby what with all other relatives popping by but someone coming to live in your house as you come home with baby is a whole other kettle of fish.

I obviously dont know the ins and outs but I think it sounds a bit controlling and you or OH should say something before baby is born and then theres an uproar - some grandparents can be quite funny about other fam members around babies etc.

Hope you get it sorted out xxxx