TTC at 43

[Syd43]

No there's n point. The scan two days ago showed I was about a week behind so I have another one booked for next Wednesday. Needs at least a week to see if there's been any growth.

 

[Clementine]

Syd I'm so sorry to hear the bleeding has continued, having lost 3 baby beans on our TTC journey I know how head wrecking it is & heart breaking. I could accept the logical explanation that it is Mother Natures way if the baby is not strong enough to make the journey for 9months, but I still find it very hard to accept how bloody unfair it feels, especially when you get your bfp and you heart believes it has finally happened & a baby would be so loved.
Sending you lots of hugs, I found talking to my hubby/family really helped.
If your bleeding continues over the weekend I would get another scan on Monday, look after yourself and rest if possible xx

 

[Syd43]

Thanks Clementine x

OH is really trying to be supportive but he has so much stress around his other child (very long story but it's a truly terrible situation) that he's gone back to focusing on that again and wanting to talk it all through with me all the time. He really was good on the day this all started and I know he's trying but for him it's very much a case of "it will be what it will be" and whilst he is worried about it, his other situation has priority. I haven't told my family, my parents would just worry sick and I can't honestly take their worry on top of my own which is probably why I'm venting on here so much

I totally agree with you about accepting the fact that it wasn't strong enough to make it, I just think why bloody well let me get pregnant in the first place! I think it's you that has said previously you've made a little deal with God that he'll only let you get pregnant again if it's a healthy one, totally understand where you're coming from (apologies if that wasn't you and I'm making it up...) I'm so sorry for what you've been through and love how you're always so supportive of others x

 

[Clementine]

Thanks Clementine x

OH is really trying to be supportive but he has so much stress around his other child (very long story but it's a truly terrible situation) that he's gone back to focusing on that again and wanting to talk it all through with me all the time. He really was good on the day this all started and I know he's trying but for him it's very much a case of "it will be what it will be" and whilst he is worried about it, his other situation has priority. I haven't told my family, my parents would just worry sick and I can't honestly take their worry on top of my own which is probably why I'm venting on here so much

I totally agree with you about accepting the fact that it wasn't strong enough to make it, I just think why bloody well let me get pregnant in the first place! I think it's you that has said previously you've made a little deal with God that he'll only let you get pregnant again if it's a healthy one, totally understand where you're coming from (apologies if that wasn't you and I'm making it up...) I'm so sorry for what you've been through and love how you're always so supportive of others x

Yes Syd that was me after I had to have a D&C when we had the MMC with my twins, I did make a deal with God & Mother Nature to only let me get another bfp if it was a sticky bean. It's 3 years ago since we lost our twins, we did keep trying for 2.5 years until March this year but I never did get pregnant again, looking back now the 2.5years TTC really took it's toll, but in hindsight I'm glad I did experience my bfps as it least it makes me feel like we give it our best shot. My DH still hasn't accepted we have stopped trying, I'm pondering should we use donor eggs but we had agreed at the beginning of our journey not to do IVF or use donor eggs. It's all so complicated & so emotional and it's so bloody frustrating.

You're probably wise not telling your parents I know my Mum was devastated for me she was so upset, even now she still can't believe myself any DH have not been blessed with children.

Keep venting here as it helps to make sense of it all.

Big hugs to you Syd, as my husband says when we're going through s**t keep walking and you'll reach solid ground xxxx

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh Syd, I'm so so sorry. Big big hugs xxx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

So sorry to read this Syd xxx

 

[Syd43]

Thanks Clementine x

OH is really trying to be supportive but he has so much stress around his other child (very long story but it's a truly terrible situation) that he's gone back to focusing on that again and wanting to talk it all through with me all the time. He really was good on the day this all started and I know he's trying but for him it's very much a case of "it will be what it will be" and whilst he is worried about it, his other situation has priority. I haven't told my family, my parents would just worry sick and I can't honestly take their worry on top of my own which is probably why I'm venting on here so much

I totally agree with you about accepting the fact that it wasn't strong enough to make it, I just think why bloody well let me get pregnant in the first place! I think it's you that has said previously you've made a little deal with God that he'll only let you get pregnant again if it's a healthy one, totally understand where you're coming from (apologies if that wasn't you and I'm making it up...) I'm so sorry for what you've been through and love how you're always so supportive of others x

Yes Syd that was me after I had to have a D&C when we had the MMC with my twins, I did make a deal with God & Mother Nature to only let me get another bfp if it was a sticky bean. It's 3 years ago since we lost our twins, we did keep trying for 2.5 years until March this year but I never did get pregnant again, looking back now the 2.5years TTC really took it's toll, but in hindsight I'm glad I did experience my bfps as it least it makes me feel like we give it our best shot. My DH still hasn't accepted we have stopped trying, I'm pondering should we use donor eggs but we had agreed at the beginning of our journey not to do IVF or use donor eggs. It's all so complicated & so emotional and it's so bloody frustrating.

You're probably wise not telling your parents I know my Mum was devastated for me she was so upset, even now she still can't believe myself any DH have not been blessed with children.

Keep venting here as it helps to make sense of it all.

Big hugs to you Syd, as my husband says when we're going through s**t keep walking and you'll reach solid ground xxxx

I can understand your frustration. I always said I wouldn't go the IVF route, not an option for us anyway as there's no way oh would go for it. Then you see Blueflower's lovely story...

Thanks everyone for the support, it means a lot.

 

[Clementine]

Hi Syd just wanted to check how you are ? X

 

[Syd43]

Ah thanks so much Clementine.

I'm ok, still bleeding but mostly on wiping, no clotting still. No cramping today but light cramping most of yesterday. Still no symptoms other than slightly tender boobs.

Really can't focus on anything other than the scan on Wednesday morning.

X

 

[Syd43]

Just to update you all, had the follow up scan this morning. Gestational sac should have doubled in size but has only increased by less than 1mm so I'm now measuring 2 weeks behind and there's no fetal pole or yolk sac. She said the chances of this pregnancy being viable are 0.01%. She doesn't want to induce miscarriage yet given that there is that 0.01% chance so I have to go back again next Wednesday, I actually fly back to the UK that night so if nothing has happened by then I guess Ill deal with it when I get back.

Thank you again for all your support, so appreciated.

Nickynackynoo - so sorry for completely hijacking your post. I really hoped I was giving you a positive story rather than this.

 

[lillith112]

Just to update you all, had the follow up scan this morning. Gestational sac should have doubled in size but has only increased by less than 1mm so I'm now measuring 2 weeks behind and there's no fetal pole or yolk sac. She said the chances of this pregnancy being viable are 0.01%. She doesn't want to induce miscarriage yet given that there is that 0.01% chance so I have to go back again next Wednesday, I actually fly back to the UK that night so if nothing has happened by then I guess Ill deal with it when I get back.

Thank you again for all your support, so appreciated.

Nickynackynoo - so sorry for completely hijacking your post. I really hoped I was giving you a positive story rather than this.

Syd I'm so sorry to hear this, there's not much I can say except try to stay strong and look after yourself. Like I said earlier try turning it into a positive that you can actually get pregnant, that's a huge milestone. I wish you the best with the outcome and hope the future will bring you your sticky bean. Hugs to you my friend, I've had loses, one at 14 weeks, it's not a nice thing to go through but you always have support here. My inbox is always there if you need a chat. Thinking of you. xx

 

[Clementine]

Just to update you all, had the follow up scan this morning. Gestational sac should have doubled in size but has only increased by less than 1mm so I'm now measuring 2 weeks behind and there's no fetal pole or yolk sac. She said the chances of this pregnancy being viable are 0.01%. She doesn't want to induce miscarriage yet given that there is that 0.01% chance so I have to go back again next Wednesday, I actually fly back to the UK that night so if nothing has happened by then I guess Ill deal with it when I get back.

Thank you again for all your support, so appreciated.

Nickynackynoo - so sorry for completely hijacking your post. I really hoped I was giving you a positive story rather than this.

Syd sorry to read your update, the waiting from 1 week to the next is so hard, a 0.01% chance is still a chance. If nothing changes next week make sure they give you all the details from your 3 scans so that when you come back to the UK they don't make you wait a further week. Did she indicate how much the sac should have grown in a week, is it 1 mm per day. Big hugs x

 

[Syd43]

Thanks so much ladies.

I definitely do hang on to the fact that I was at least able to get pregnant. My worry is that oh and I are only in the same country for 4 more weeks this year and he has an incredibly low sex drive. I feel like the fact we managed it once is nothing short of a miracle, can't imagine we'd able to do it again and I'm creeping up on 45.

The sac measured 5.9mm last week. She said it should have doubled but it's only measuring 6.6mm this week.

 

[stacesl3]

Sorry to read this, life really is cruel sometimes. I understand all your frustrations re your OH being in a similar situation myself, adds so much extra stress on an already stressful situation!! IVF not an option for me either so cant go down that road.
As Clementine says the waiting in between is hard, you jut want to know one way or the other so you can start to get your head round it. Take care of yourself and take time out of you need it, I echo the other ladies when they say always here if you need someone to talk to. xxx

 

[Charlotte9]

Sorry Syd. It's heartbreaking. This little miracle will happen again. There is still chance and hope. I hope its good news in the end x

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk

 

[Papermoon]

Don't give up Syd just keep trying whenever you can. Like you said, at least you know you can get pregnant, so Just keep trying.

 

[Syd43]

Thanks all.