Tried - failed. Tried again - achieved!

[Gem & Leland]

god i think your lucky u still get £50 now ! i had to start paying my mum house keeping when i hit 16 and was working part time already !

all i can say is good luck !

 

[clairescunny55]

totally agree with mayday. Sorry if you dont like that but its all true.

I was 17 when i fell pregnant with my daughter now nearly 3. She wasnt planned. I was still living at home with my parents and so was DH. We had been together 8 months, and engaged for 5 months.

We both had a full time job and paid lodge etc, NO money given to us from parents.

The day we found out, we immediatly knew that we couldn't/would'nt have a termination so we told our parents the very same day. They weren't too pleased but said we were big enough to make our own decisions. What a relief it was to tell them. They soon came around to the idea and started to get excited about the baby.

We started looking at houses almost straight away. We moved into our house when i was 37 weeks pregnant. We were both still working full time. We were very lucky in the respect that alot of the furniture in our home was given to us by family, and family bought us some things as well (t.v, hoover, fridge, washing machine etc)

i got maternity leave for 9 months then went back to work, but i guess seen as you dont have a job you wont get any maternity pay. (only from the government of course )

We pay just over £400 a month for our home, then there's TV liscence, water, elecrtic, gas, groceries (at least £70 a week), mobile phones x 2, kids clothes, baby milk (£7 a week) nappies (£6 a week, depending which brand) and any other things such as credit cards etc

My hubby used to work 50 hours a week at mcdonalds and that still wasnt enough money. so he changed jobs.

We got married in august, We have just had our 2nd baby and again i got materity leave which i earned and you wont get. i shall be returning to work in july.

It wasnt easy, but im glad i did it. We are a lovely little family in our lovely home.

TBH i think you should've waited, i really despise the fact that u and your b/f were cunningly planning this behind everyones back not giving a damn how they are going to feel about it.

You prob see pregnancy as a big belly that everyone strokes etc but have you even stopped to think about all the aches/pains of pregnancy and what you have to go through in labour? Every single lady thats given birth on here will back me up here : labour and birth is the most painful, tiring, emotional, straining thing you will have to go through. Then when the baby comes its not all 'cooing over the baby' 'aww isnt he/she cute' etc they are bloody hard work and you may even find yourself cursing the baby. You will have loads of sleep deprevation, not just for night feeds, but for when babys poorly, teething, clingy, stubborn.


good luck to you, you're gunna need it.

 

[Snuggle]

I agree with mayday and clairescunny55 but whats done is done, you are pregnant now. Hope it all works out for you

 

[sarahpurple]

Having been a teenage pregnancy myself I am now 24 (my mum was 17 when she had me) I can only see it from the other side of the fence. It was so much fun growing up with hardly any money. Of course she got a council house and benefits but there wasn't enough money for food, heating or clothes. I bitterly resent her for giving me such a deprived childhood and I always promised myself I would never be so stupid as she had been. I often tell her she was too young to have me and what on earth was she thinking.

By the way the whole idea of the EMA is to help with costs towards transport, books and stationary for college!

 

[mdsremos]

Wow Mayday's and Cunny's posts really hit the nail on the head .....to think me and DH work full-time, pay mortgage and all the other bits and pieces, are in good jobs and it took us until we are in early 30's to be able to afford a little one and even now we struggle some months! We would love a little brother or sister for Charlie but its the usual 'we cant afford it' so I really wish you all the look in the world and that you prove everyone wrong and dont just become another statistic of a teenage mother scrounging off society!

I have a family member who never worked, scrounged off the system, even lied about expecting another to get a bigger house (then conveniently miscarried) and it makes me cringe evertime I see her with a new pram or expecting another child (Mmmm all the kids by different fathers says alot) so I can see where alot of people are coming from on this posting but its the reality of the UK society today unfortunately.

 

[Red_Fairy]

I hate the bandwagon of people always going on about how im paying for other peoples children blah blah..
It just seems to be another minority group to pick on.

I find vengeful and vindicative right wing targetting of people who are, mainly, scarcely leading the life of Riley, odious and nastyminded. You do NOT live in luxury either on the dole or even in sickness/incapacity benefit, and it's already been calculated by a Parliamentary enquiry -- can't find source right now -- that the incidence of fraudulent claims of sickness/incapacity benefit is too low to be accurately measurable -- below 1%

Benefit fraud is estimated at 2 billion pounds a year, while in 2004-2005, at least twice that amount went unclaimed, and possibly the figure is considerably higher, especially if unclaimed tax credits are included.

I don't claim fraud or leadswinging doesn't exist, just that it does on a much greater scale (financially) among tax dodging well off people, and that those calling people who are in the main as skint as fukk things like 'scroungers' is something far more offensive to me than a few dodgy claimants. And I'm a taxpayer, albeit one without traditional 'taxpayer attitudes', ie meanminded ones.

To plan to have a baby when you cant afford to raise it, IS selfish. But it dosent make you a bad mother/father.

(my post is about people on all benifits, not just incomesupport)

 

[clairescunny55]

[quote=".

To plan to have a baby when you cant afford to raise it, IS selfish. But it dosent make you a bad mother/father.[/quote]

well said hun xx

 

[mayday]

Rachelandjarvis, there is a huge difference between those who find themselves in the position of needing benefits, and those who deliberately put themselves in that position. Our society is massively successful as a whole because those who earn pay to ensure that noone need live with no income at all. Living on benefits is not supposed to be a luxury, it is supposed to be a means of providing the basics. Sadly, there ARE people who willingly put themselves in this position. It is NOT fraud to become pregnant in order to gain a council house/ benefits. My sister is a council clerk who works in a housing benefits office in a very deprived area. She is in her 30s and is expecting her first baby herself. We have had many a conversation where she is spitting feathers over the fact that a girl not much more than half her age wants her to give them a house bigger than the one she works for - because they are pregnant, often with their second or even third child. It breaks my mother's heart that my sister now has to sit behind a shatterproof perspex screen at work - in order to prevent her from being attacked, or more commonly spat on - by certain members of society. She is called names that no person ought to be called.

I am not in any way suggesting that anyone here is of that type. What I am saying is that you cannot put everyone in the same pot. There ARE people who legitimately, if immorally, use the system in ways it was never intended to be used. These people make those who are paying for them (ie people like me) feel disappointed that the money we pay in tax is being used to pay for another life that would have been better brought into the world had the parents actually sat down and thought about it better.

What would you like me to do? I willingly pay my tax to pay for the health service, the education system, police, armed forces, and - yes - benefits. I just cannot sit here and get excited about a young girl willingly putting herself in this situation, as it does affect me. We are living without luxuries at the moment as OH, who is self employed and works very hard, has his tax bill looming. There is nothing 'mean minded' about the amount OH will pay in tax this year.

 

[Tillytots]

congrats on your pregnancy

everyone who is kicking off about loopykid being bad for planning a pregnancy etc....how do you KNOW her and her OH arent going to go and get jobs now to support their LO? she hasnt said Yippee Im pregnant and cant wait to sponge and live off benefits....

come on girls....give her the benefit of the doubt. She came for support. Maybe suggesting she gets a job instead of assuming her guilty and irresponsible would be an idea?

I too planned to be pregnant at 17...it didnt happen for me and Im glad it didnt as now I realise I wasnt ready and Il make a brilliant Mum now, far better than I would've done if I had been pregnant at such a young age. Had I actually got pregnant I would've worked my ass off to be a good Mum. Its just that now I already have a job/house etc so Im not having to do that extra bit.

I just think its so harsh to attack someone for being pregnant. If it is sooo hard, why make it harder?

 

[Melly+2]

I was 18 when i fell pregnant with my daughter, i was so scared, and telling my bf and parents was the hardest thing ever, i didnt get money from them, i had to pay to live with them. After me and Gal sorted out how he was feeling about me being pregnant, i moved in with him, ive had a job since i was 15 and have done except for about 6 months after hope was born, due to being made redundant, but even so, we managed on his wages (hes and electrician) but i soon had myself back on track, we live in a council house, but we pay council tax, rent, water, gas electric, phone bills, the lot. even though it wasnt planned we were financially stable with a home for us to live. I went into being a mum with my eyes shut but its made me see what its like to have a real responsibility, not like having a house key, its taking care of your own flesh and blood, giving up sleep to be at your babys every muster, feeding, changing, not being able to go out when ever you want. You are young still. Its not a great idea to decide to have a baby with no real way of making money to support the baby, and yourselves, but its your choice at the end of the day. You really need to think about what you are letting yourself in for its not an easy way to live, its the hardest thing you will ever do in your whole life. good luck with everything

 

[Slinky Sarah]

My mum took it worse than i thought at first, but is now ok with it. She doesnt think its the greatest idea in the world, but i didnt think she would.
I'm going to be living with my mum still, just until i can move into a flat or somewere. As for money, it shouldn't be an issue. I've saved since i was...... about 9 lol. And i get £50 a month at the moment from my parents. My boyfriend gets £30 a week EMA. Hes getting a job soon as.
Things could be better, but i'm sure things will work.
I know it will be extremly difficult, but having a baby at any age and time is extremely difficult.
Loopykid

Glad your mum is getting used to the idea, im sure she is just worried about your financial situaiton and how you will cope with a baby as any mum will do (as your gonna find out lol)
Like everyone else has sadi £170 is very little to raise a baby on, but youve put hes getting a job soon so hopefully he can get one thats quite a good wage to help more.
have you told your boyfriends parents yet?

 

[Squiglet]

everyone who is kicking off about loopykid being bad for planning a pregnancy etc....how do you KNOW her and her OH arent going to go and get jobs now to support their LO? she hasnt said Yippee Im pregnant and cant wait to sponge and live off benefits....

Sorry Tillytots and Loopykid... The likelihood of Loopykid getting a decent job are almost nothing. Why? Because what employer is going to want a pregnant woman, let alone a basically educated pregnant teenager working for them. Her only option is to continue to receive money from her parents because sadly, if she had waited just two more years, she would have been eligible for all the benefits and help.

Everyone who's been pregnant knows how hard it is to get out of bed most days, let alone go and work... So unfortunately the only source of income with be that of her bf and parents right now.

I can see why people are upset... not because loopykid is sponging off the government etc, etc, etc... because she can't... she's too young... but she came on the forum a few months ago asking for advice... was given it... ignored it and still got pregnant. And people like Zebrastripes who knows EXACTLY what it's like to be a 16 year old mum, living at home... she had more right than anyone to give advice.

Once loopykid has her baby... she will truly see what a wonderful gift she has been given... Every parent who has a child realises when they place that baby in their arms, what an enormous responsibility having a child really is, you don't realise it until it's born.. people just think they do... and in that moment you realise that you want to do the very best by that baby, and give them the most wonderful life, free of hardship and strife and give them everything you never had. One of the reasons I moved to Spain was so that my child didn't have to grow up on a grotty council estate where druggies used to shoot up in the hallway leaving their dirty needles around so my baby could touch them.

Although Loopykid might one day achieve a good life for her child... as Tillytots said, we don't know that she won't get a decent job eventually... but now the odds are stacked against her, her relationship and sadly her little baby. To get a decent job, she needs to go back to school.. unfortunately GCSE's are just not enough. All this takes time and money too. So for a while she will be in the same situation I was in, and it makes you feel like the worst parent in the world, bringing your child into such a life.

I really hope it works out for you Loopkid... for most of us it didn't, we lost something on the way (in my case my relationship didn't survive the difficulties involved in having children... you'll understand this when the baby is born), and we have all had to suffer the consequences of making decisions concerning our children... and the terrible maternal guilt that it entails.

 

[Melly+2]

TBH i have only got 1 set of as levels and im doing ok, im planning on going back for more education when my lo are old enough, if we have another that is

 

[Krystal]

I left with only basic qualifications, that doesn't mean you can't make something of yourself. No one is saying it won't be hard but bleedin hell its not the end of the world either

 

[Melly+2]

I left with only basic qualifications, that doesn't mean you can't make something of yourself. No one is saying it won't be hard but bleedin hell its not the end of the world either

You and me are in the same boat, but were fab parents

 

[Krystal]

I left with only basic qualifications, that doesn't mean you can't make something of yourself. No one is saying it won't be hard but bleedin hell its not the end of the world either

You and me are in the same boat, but were fab parents

life is what you make it in my eyes

 

[Melly+2]

I left with only basic qualifications, that doesn't mean you can't make something of yourself. No one is saying it won't be hard but bleedin hell its not the end of the world either

You and me are in the same boat, but were fab parents

life is what you make it in my eyes

Yep i agree, my life is quite fantastic atm too

 

[mary70]

Can i just ask why u think you have any sort of right to get money off your mum, you didnt give your mum any choice in your decision but you seem to think it is alright for your mum to support u, the day you made the decision to have a baby you made the decision to become an adult, adults are NOT supported by their parents, i just think you have been totally sefish in your decision. My heart go out to your parents because i presume like all parents this wasnt their plan in life for u.

 

[Squiglet]

I left with only basic qualifications, that doesn't mean you can't make something of yourself. No one is saying it won't be hard but bleedin hell its not the end of the world either

You and me are in the same boat, but were fab parents

life is what you make it in my eyes

Yep i agree, my life is quite fantastic atm too

I went back to uni after I had Tia. But it was a long and difficult road to do it.. and it cost loads of money in terms of child care costs, travel, books.. and then theres the work load... when your a mum and at college you have to work 10x harder than normal students. Doesn't matter what age you are... burning the midnight oil to get a piece of coursework in or study for exams, isn't the same with a crying infant that needs constant stimulation and supervision. But I did it because I wanted to make something of myself and make my daughter proud of me.

But if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had Tia before I got my education because its hard.

And to all of us who had our babies young... can you honestly say despite loving your children with all your heart, knowing that you are great parents, and never ever wanting the change things in the world... that there are not reasons you would not have waited just a little bit longer to have them. To secure a home, a relationship, money and a job?

At the end of the day, I raised my daughter with my own two hands... i didn't rely on anyone to help me, for a long time it was just me and Tia... I went without food so I could pay the rent or the electric bill... it was a struggle but I am proud of what I have achieved. But I wish I'd lived with my ex beforehand... knew what he was really like before I brought a child into the world with him. Anyone whos had their child sob on their shoulder because daddy forgot their birthday again will know the heartache I feel at that mistake....

I wish I had gotten my education out the way too, and I wish that I didn't have to live in a grotty council estate for two years. But then that's just me. And I did get myself out of it... but it wasn't fun nor easy and if I could spare just one more mum or baby from having to go through all that, from sharing my experiences I would.

 

[sparky]

totally agree if your adult enough to PLAN to bring a child into the world then you should be adult enought to support it yourself.

I personally dont agree with saying something to save someone's feelings when its obviously the wrong thing to do, and if this thread puts others off doing the same thing then that will be a good thing.

Another thing to note is that children look to their parents for example, would you be happy if your daughter came to you at 16 and did the same? It seems stupid to get pregnant and make your entire life harder, by not being able to get your house together, get a good education or career or simply enjoy each other as a couple. People have got a long time to have babies...wheres the rush. I know if i had got pregnant at 16 (i misscarried after an accident) my life would not be as stable or fulfilling as it is now, i would not of experianced half the things i have.

But thats typical of a child, you can give them the benefit of wisdom and experiance and they'll ignore you anyway. An adult looks at every possiblilty, outcome and all the consequences first.