stuck!

[claire5439]

i lost my first baby at 22 weeks 08/06/11 and my second 08/01/12.
being pregnant again in a way helped me deal with my first loss. but i just feel stuck at the moment. i feel i should be "over it" more by now. ive been through it once, and i feel other people (doctors etc) expect me to be ok. but im just not. i cant sleep, im having panic attacks. and i just feel totally hopeless, i have an incompetent cervix so i just feel like i will never have a pregnancy go full term.
i just dont know what to do any the moment. im in councelling but i just cant figure out how i feel, i just know i feel devastated.
and to top it off, the doctor i saw today just wants me to get a job and thinks i should turn to god to help. no offence to anyone who is religious, but i prayed every day during both pregnancies, and where did it get me? no where

 

[laurat]

Oh Claire Im really sorry for both your losses. I found one bad enough never mind 2. Sometimes others dont truely understand the feelings of a mc and this is when it can be harder. You have every right to grieve and take the time that you need to. I dont have a magic solution but I know that for myself making a plan and focussing on other things did help me. I get myself a wee project eg doing up the living room etc.

My mum also went the religious root! Im having none of that either!

On the other side I have made sure I have read quite a bit about my complications and by doing so I feel I know what the next steps are and hooefully you can do that too. If you read up on imconpetent cervix then Im sure there will be ideas etc. i found that once I did this I was able to go to my dr and ask (demand) certain procedures. I chose books to read as thè internet can bring up quite a lot of unfounded worrries!

In all honey, take the time you need and bug hug! Xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh sweetie, I cannot believe your stupid Dr said that.....

What he should he been telling you is now you have a dignosis (incompetent cervix) they know know what to do next time to keep you pregnant!!

I know this doesn't ditract from your losses, I've had 3 (all early though!) and each one has been so painful. The pain never truly goes away!

I am pleased you are having counselling and I hope when you feel strong enough you are able to request to see a proper Gynae DR who knows about your condition and can help!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mishi]

Honey, I'm so sorry for your losses

I cannot believe your Dr said that, and if I were you i'd be changing Dr's! What an idiot!

What type of counselling are you having? This area needs specialised input as it is very different from other types of bereavement. I hope you have someone who truly understands and is specially trained in this field.

As Carnat says, now they have diagnosed the problem, surely they should be referring you to a Gyn specialist who can explain how things can work in a positive way going forward.xx

 

[Lynds77]

you can still have hope for the future. My SIL had a heart shaped cervix and gave birth to her DD at just 24 weeks weighing 1lb 4oz. It was touch and go for a while, and even had the priest in to give her last rites at one point, but she survived, and turned 7 this month.
She then got pregnant by accident again and was told to have an abortion by the doctors. They told her she would be lucky to carry a child to term, and would more than likely give birth very early again and the baby and possibly she would die.
but she cracked on against all advise and gave birth to a little boy at 35 weeks!!

so once you are ready, I would speak to your doctor about what they can do to help you when you get pregnant again, to keep you pregnant so that you dont have to go through that horrible experience again. xx

 

[claire5439]

yeh they have set out a plan at 12 weeks having a stitch etc.and im having councelling from the pregnancy crisis centre, who deal with miscarriages, stillbirth, abortions. theyre really nice and help me to get things straight in my head.
to be honest my main problem is that i feel im stuck in limbo if you like. i cant seem to move past what happened, but at the same time i cant deal with it either. i keep myself focussed and busy during the day ( i am getting married next year, so sorting that out) but when im in bed it all comes back to me, starting from when i lost my first baby, it just goes around and around. no one seems to understand me

 

[dyscochick]

Glad you ate having counselling but they shouldn't be pushing you towards any place you don't want to go, ie religion. Like carnat said, do your reading, find the stories of positive outcomes in places like this, there are some for sure! The more you learn and have control over this pregnancy the better you'll feel! Mourning your loss is important giving I ourself space for that. No one ever forgets what they've been through, but hopefully you can start to find some peace with it. I'm sure this is a scary time for you but a diagnosis and a plan are huge steps! Xxx