Secondary Infertility - what next?

[Turtle]

Me 36 - non smoker, light drinker, not overweight.
I have a wonderful little girl born in 2008 - not planned and no issues.
I miscarried at 7.5 weeks exactly a year later 2009-
Then nothing for 2.5 years??
Sought help - husbands sperm 99% mobile all grade 4 (the very best)
My ovulation count came back in the best category (age range 25)
Had 3 goes of IUI with chlomid which all failed -2012
Decided to try IVF - had an amazing response resulting in 12 embryos all at day 5 blastocysts.
First cycle - resulted in a chemical pregnancy ended at 2 weeks -2012
Then conceived naturally a month later but m/c at 4 weeks -2012
FET - failed cycle -2013
3 m/c's resulted in extensive tests - all came back negative, no lupus, no thyroid, no gluten intolerance, nothing wrong at all?
2013 - had a dilation of cervix (as the muscle was tight) a hystoscopy & a scrape.
All came back normal.
FET - chemical pregnancy 2013

I am just at a complete loss - there is no medical reason at all - my consultant says that I've carried a baby for 9 months in that same womb, so it will happen again, he just cant guarantee it - which I know of course, but the not knowing is my biggest upset. My 5 year old asks all the time for a brother or sister & it breaks my heart to say I'm trying my hardest.

I am fully aware of how very lucky I am to have her, but the emptiness I feel is beyond words. I have friends popping them out left right and centre, some with major fertility issues, and some who have had issues but now have answers and are on baby number 2, but no one really understands until they are in it themselves.

We've spend £9k so far and put our lives on hold, cant plan a holiday, in case, cant spend any money on the house, in case, cant buy a new car, you go it, in case.....I'm just at a loss.

I have 5 embryos left, but feel emotionally its time for a break - but all the time i'm getting no younger and my girl is getting older - I dont know what to do for the best?

I want to say - I'd love to hear from like minded people, but knowing your experiencing the same pain as me is something I dont want anyone to really feel xx

 

[Esperanza84]

Sounds like you've had a hard time and I can't imagine what you must feel like. Maybe a break is what you need? Plan a nice vacation and just forget about ttc for a while?

We are ttc for number 2 as well, and I've had a couple of chemicals and will see a specialist in April. My daughter is just 1 year old but we decided to start ttc early as we know we have low sperm count. I was on clomid when I conceived her. My plan is, that if we haven't conceived until August this year, we will try ivf!

Wishing you lots of luck!!

xx

 

[Shurncae]

Hi hun, I couldn't read and run from your story. I feel exactly the same pain as u, it's raw on a daily basis. We conceived our little boy no issues in 2009 and we have been trying 22 cycles for another but haven't had even a slight hint of a pregnancy. I, too am 35 (almost 36).. My little boy is 3 and asks for a sister every day. My heart breaks constantly. Seeing him at soft play on his own desperately trying to talk to other children as he's lonely makes me feel so guilty. I'm angry than we can't achieve what others do with ease! Our lives are on hold too. We cracked and booked a holiday for September simply to give me something else to focus on. I have a few issues but tbh no one can tell me definitively what is stopping us getting pregnant ... I'm now using Chinese herbs and accupuncture out of desperation more than anything to say we tried all we could. I'm obsessed. You aren't alone I promise u xx

 

[Kerrieanne]

Surencae is right you're not on your own, although it sure does feel like it doesn't it when those around you, friends and family conceive with ease. Even though we have beautiful perfect Bubba's it's still so hard, raw and a feeling of pure jealousy at times.

I want to shower you with words of comfort and tell you the answer to get that perfect bfp but i can't, if I could I'd have a dozen kids by now!!

All u can do is explore every avenue and know that it happened once, so there's no reason why I can't happen again. Although my patience is wearing thin!!

Hold tight hunni and don't give up, I'm not! Xxxxx