scared to go back to work

[netty]

Hello Ladies,

well i was supposed to go back to work today but my manager suggested i see GP before i go back to make sure I am ready. I don't have to do this as I saw my GP last monday and he said whenever i am ready but as i have a history of depression he always asks me if i want longer off work which is too tempting for me as i am being a coward and i am scared to go.

So off to see GP later and i am going to ask to go back thursday so i have a couple of days then the weekend. I am being a total baby i think as i am just scared of seeing everyone they all know i MC as i was showing quite alot at 3 months as i am fairly slim, i had it all planned i have a killer outfit to wear yet today i just dont have it in me to wash my hair make myself up etc.

I have been feeling more positive but this morning I am very teary and upset i just dont know whats going on lol so so up and down argh, sorry more of a rant than anything, do you ladies think i should just get stuck back into work, i have had 3 weeks off now.

sad day today why do i keep telling myself i am ok, in my head i am like ''i'll be fine by monday, tuesday etc '' but that day comes and i am a mess

 

[Corrinne37]

ahhhh lynette,
I know how you feel I feel exactly the same, the emotional roller coaster can go for quite a while. It wont go away for awhile I suspect. Dont give yourself a timetable (even tho I do that) but it just doesnt work with grief.
ever day as it comes.

I think going back on the Thursday is a really good idea, just a cple of days to wean you in.
good luck hun. xxxx

 

[netty]

Hopefully I can steel myself for thursday, i knew i wouldnt be ready today deep down lol

 

[BevG]

aww hun im sure you can do it on thursday, like you say its only 2 days then 2 days off. put on your killer outfit, do your face and hold your head up high and show them all the strength you have inside you. they wont expect you to be laughing and joking or anything, in fact they will probably take their cue on how to act from you so how you act will determine how they talk to you. it must be hard to do but i guess you have to go back sometime, its the start of moving forward and getting on with your life which must be so hard when you dont want to leave things behind but ultimately it has to be done dosent it? xxx

 

[netty]

thanks bev hunny, i know i need to do it. Thursday sounds like a plan to me, hopefully it will work.

You're right when you say i dont want things to move on though, thats exactly what i am doing. Sat in my house in some sort of time warp.

 

[BevG]

darlin moving on with your life isnt forgetting, its not leaving it behind you. the things you love move with you in your heart. you dont have to let go to move on, take the good things and the joyous memories with you as you go forward and treasure them. xx

 

[netty]

Thats a lovely way to put it back to the real world Thursday! Eek

 

[CARNAT22]

Thats a lovely way to put it back to the real world Thursday! Eek

I know it will not work for everyone but being at work is a wonderful distraction for me (granted I had only told one colleague so most people were none this wiser and I didn't have to face peoples sympathy)

I hope that come Thursday you are able to ease yourself back in gently and get back to some normality.

Thinking of you

xxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

thanks hunny hopefully i can hold my head up high and just do it lol we will see

 

[JJ Mum]

Good luck for thursday - know you can do it Lynette, once youve got into the building, got to coffee time, your'll feel much better and can get some sort ofk routene and order back in your life - onwards and upwards hun X Let us know how you got on on thursday night.

 

[kanga86]

Good luck on Thursday Hun, u will probably find u will be ok once u have got over the initial fear of going in. When I returned to work I felt so nervous, scared of what people would say to me. I work earlies so only a few people in to start with and I remember trying to buff the floors shaking like a leaf and that I was going to burst into tears at any moment. But as soon as I realised nothing had changed there and no one was staring at me I was ok. Xxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Good luck for Thursday you will be ok. I found it a distraction from things apart from checking the calendar where I marked all my tri dates and my password to logon was my due date....that was just crap. BUT I did it and so far I manage to drift in everyday and I hope you will be ok, just takes time xxx

 

[netty]

thanks ladies I think routine will be good for me, plus OH works down the road so i can go have lunch with him

 

[BevG]

how did it go darlin? did you go back?

 

[EllieC]

Hi hun, how did it go. The one thing I have lernt in all this is that the anticipation is always worse than the fact, doesnt make it any easier doing all those firsts tho! big hugs, hope u are ok. xxx

 

[netty]

everything was fine, far better than i could have ever imagined. A girl i work with spoke with me about her MC at 12 weeks and it felt so good to havea good old chat. I was shaking when I went in but after a couple of hours I was ok.

There are moments when I stop and think ''fuck i cant do this i am going to break down '' but i just need a minute and I am ok

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh bless you Lynette - well done for taking the bull by the horns and getting back to work.

Hopefully some "normality" and routine will be beneficial for you.

I find that it's when I am on my own at home that my mind wanders the most and that's when I tend to really overthink things.

xxxxxxx

 

[kanga86]

Glad to hear ur first day back at work went well lynette. When people know about ur mc it is surprising how many people tell u it happened to them too! It is far too common xx

 

[netty]

thanks hun we were asking after you in the communal thread