Really struggling today. :(

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Sorry to come on and moan especially as I haven't posted much lately, but I'm having a terrible day. It took me forever to get out of bed and motivated. Now I just keep crying over my baby. I know my M/C was - for want of a better phrase - the best way it could happen but I just feel it's so unfair.

We had my in-laws 50th anni do on Sat and it went very well and I had a great time. I think because we were so busy with all the plans when the m/c happened I didn't really take it all in. Now the party has finished I feel so empty.

I've started spending more money than I have in an attempt to cheer myself up, which is always a sign I'm not coping. I'm just scared that the next step is self harming which I haven't done for over a year. But I've moved the blade from my bed side drawer to my bag, just for comfort. I want to tell DH but it freaks him out so much I don't think I can add any more to his pain.

i just don't know what to do. It hurts so much

 

[Sammystar]

The fact that you have come on here and talked about what's happening to you, and what you think it might lead to, is a sign that you are fully aware of it, and this is a good sign. You know you need to get help before this goes too far.

What kind of help have you had in the past for self harming?

I'm afraid I'm no good with this sort of thing, but I do feel that's it's very positive that you have talked on here about it, that gives me hope that you still have things under control and you'll be prepared to seek the help you need.

I wish you all the very best, take care of yourself.......

 

[reallyoldmum]

Oh Trudy I know just what you mean about the spending - hiding the credit card statements from DH at the moment....

Life is so bloody unfair and I can find no answer to the sodding injustice of it all but please dont go down the road of self harming. In the long run that would give you two issues to deal with - I wish I could grab hold of everyone going through this awful pain and give them a huge hug but for now it will have to be a cyber space one

PM me if you ever want to talk - I will let you have my msn address or phone number x x x x x

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Thanks guys. The route of help I usually get it DH hiding any knife until I come out of it. I do have a counsellor I can see as I'm very lucky to work for a Uni so don't have to pay. If my mood doesn't shift in the next few days I may see her or go back to my Doc who is very understanding. I know it sounds like I'm trying to kill myself I'm not. It's just a was of coping when v down. Still not good tho.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Oh Trudy

It sounds to me like you are very depressed are you eatting at all/overeating??

You must know it is natural to feel very low. After my MC although at times i was perky i was very depressed, at times i even felt like my life had no meaning and that something was wrong with me.

I used to self harm too, and unfortunatly did after my last mc (The time before that was quite a few months if not a year or so).

When you feel like self harming try the following as it can help:
Buy a punch bag or punch a pillow as hard as possible.
I know this sounds odd, but when you feel like it tell someone you trust ie oh, tell him u feel low and you're worryed about self harming and you could use a hug.

Buy yourself a private calendar, for each day you DON'T harm put a tick in there to see how far you have come.

Try to find out why you feel the need to harm, I know for me it was feeling of personal failure, not good enough. With regards to the mc i was very angry at myself. you need to deal with that head on maybe write down why you feel that way and think of ways to deal with it...

Try to find out what triggers you if you can avoid it or face it head on.

When you feel sad remember theres nothing wrong with asking for a hug and know that you wont always feel this way.

I can't speak for everyone but do know it does get a little bit easier... Everyday you'll relise you can move past this but for now just go easy on yourself and remember yourself for the true princess you really are!!!

If you want feel free to pm me

hugs and kisses.

 

[Flick]

Oh hun, I'm so, so, sorry ...... I know I can't ease the pain for you but please remember you are not alone and there are many ladies who are unfortunately going through a similar experience. I wish I could make it easier for you, talk to someone (especially your DH) if you can and remember everyone on this forum is here for you

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Thanks for the messages of support. I know it will get better in the future but right now it seems bleak. I went to a friends house for a couple of hours, she is pg with #4 and due any moment, but she's been great through the whole process. I know it's my depression trying to sneak back in so I'm going to fight it. The blade is back in the drawer and I'm going to start my thought records ( written records of how you feel and how to make the situation better) also my spreadsheet of positive things that have happened today. All the coping mechanisms I've used in the past.

I don't want to do it but the sooner I do the sooner I'll be in a postion to bring another life into this world. It's just so hard today. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

 

[libs]

hi hun sorry you're having a down time right now I can't say anything to make it better but I'll listen on here or facebook any time x

 

[skairdykat]

I don't really know what to say so will give you some hugs instead

 

[CB23]

I don't know what to say either but I just wanted to give you my support

 

[trixipaws]

im so sorry ur feeling so down

its good that u posted on here instead of SHing. is there anyone else u could talk to (about SH) besides ur DH?

agree with sammystar, u should see ur doc/counsellor about it if u havent recently already.

i completely understand that u dont wanna kill urself its a coping mechanism

im sorry i cant help, but i really want to say well done for not using the blade- ur so strong for resisting the urge

 

[tracey 2]

keep strong hun you are doing so well, you will get through this i promise you and the sky will look clearer one day,

please see your doc or a counsellor if you havent already they will give you any help or support you want, but dont keep it locked up.

i used to self harm years ago, still got the marks but havent tried it for years and as long as you keep being strong the urge will go, i know how it is its like comfort it just releases the pain but really it doesnt hun, so keep strong and if you ever need to talk just PM me anytime

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Hi guys, sorry for being such a drama queen before. Thank you for all your lovely messages/PMs. Had a long chat with DH. He's as upset as I am still. We've decided to live life and if we get a BFP then fab. Easier said than done but we're gonna try. It's our 10th wedding anni this year so we'll be starting to plan that soon.

I'm nowhere near 100% but I'm starting to feel a bit better about the future and it's sunny today which always lifts my mood. If things aren't better by Friday then I'll go bac to the doc and see what he says. I'm sure we'll all get our BFP's in the future. Baby dust to you all.

xxx