Please dont hate me...... I just dont feel anything?

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Lynds77, Feb 20, 2012.

  1. Lynds77

    Lynds77 Well-Known Member

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    but I am not really feeling anything for what is inside of me?? I have tried talking to it and rubbing my belly but I just feel stupid. I am not bonding at all. And i have really really tried.

    dont get me wrong, when i was in EPU last week I was delighted to see the heartbeat after the pain I had been getting, but even then i couldnt really connect with the blob I saw on the screen. And i was upset when the doc mentioned ectopic before the scan.

    I have never been very maternal, and never really wanted kids. I always assumed this was because I have PCOS and have grown up being told by Docs that I might not be able to get pregnant.

    this baby is very much wanted, we were TTC and got lucky quickly. Hubby has always wanted kids and I guess i had hoped that when I got pregnant my maternal instinct would kick in and i would want one! (I am nearly 35 so it was really now or never!)

    i am just terrified i am not going to bond with this baby, if i dont feel anything for it now?? I am dreading my 12 week scan when I actually get to see a baby shape on the screen. What if I still feel nothing???
     
    #1 Lynds77, Feb 20, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2012
  2. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    This could be due to a fear of bonding in case the worst happens. A lot of women have this, especially in the first tri and women who have had trouble conceiving.

    I'm sure that as ur pregnancy progresses u will start to feel a bond. And when u feel ur baby kick etc, u will probably fall in love with it xx

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  3. Looby82

    Looby82 Well-Known Member

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    First of all hugs xx

    Don't put yourself down for feeling like that. It's normal to have all these thoughts rushing round your head.

    You still have plenty of time to adjust to being a mum and form a bond with baby. I'm trying not to until 12 weeks and I know everything is ok bc it scares me to think of coping with the loss. Perhaps you are subconsciously doing the same.

    Keep positive hon, this is a huge change to your life and your worries are totally normal.

    Xx

    P.s We can't afford a holiday now baby is on way and I still have moment when it gets to me and I think if I wasn't pregnant then we'd afford it! And our baby was desperately wanted after 9 months of trying. I'm sure everyone has their moments! Xxx
     
  4. Sproglett

    Sproglett Well-Known Member

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    hey Lynds77

    I haven't bonded with my baby yet, this is due to previous mmc, ectopic and mc. I had an early scan and litterally cried when i saw that baby was in the right place and had a strong heartbeat, but it doesnt change the fact, I'm now 11w+2 and still feel nothing.

    I think it is normal to feel like this for anyone who thought they would never have children, just like it is for anyone that has lost several. I'm sure we'll both get it soon (or i hope we do) FX for you and your DH with your pregnancy x x
     
  5. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    i didnt feel like it was a real baby til i could feel kicks hun. even now i love her in a strange disconnected way cos it all seems imaginary until i can hold her in my arms. dont beat yourself up for not going mushy at the lil blob on the screen, i havent yet as much as im pleased that all was well on the scans im just not that kind of person lol.
     
  6. mrz85

    mrz85 Well-Known Member

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    In the early stages I guess it s hard 2 bond once you get a bump it will feel more really !!! sure u will b f9 hugs xx
     
  7. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Try not to worry, its perfectly normal what you feeling. Although I very much wanted and love my LO, I haven't really started to bond with him until I felt him squirming last week. I saw him at a scan at 12 weeks and then again at 15 weeks, but it didn't really click with me until last week. No for any other reason other than now I can feel him it seems more real.

    I wouldn't panic, you'll be a great mum.
    xx
     
  8. MrsR

    MrsR Well-Known Member

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    I didn't feel anything last time I was pregnant until after my 12 week scan. My baby was very very much wanted but due to having a mmc previously I wouldn't allow myself to get attached until I knew everything was well. I love my son very much and we're very bonded. I didn't rub my tummy until I could feel him kicking and I don't think I talked specifically to my bump.
     
  9. Grapes

    Grapes Member

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    Hi Lynds,

    Don't beat yourself up, it's such early days. With dd1 I didn't feel a thing, and I don't mind admitting I didn't get the maternal rush until she started kicking, and it was a gradual process, you have a long time to get used to this yet. If you still feel nothing at the 12week scan, then don't worry. It will come. There's nothing like the feeling of holding your baby, I dare anyone not to feel anything, pretty sure it's impossible. Relax, enjoy your pregnancy and dont worry.

    X x x
     
  10. Lynds77

    Lynds77 Well-Known Member

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    thank you ladies for your advice and kind words. its put my mind at rest a bit. I just find it very odd that my hubby loves it more than me, every night he kisses my belly and says "goodnight baby".

    I knew it was natural to worry about being a shit mum, but i didnt realise it was also normal to not feel any connection with the baby growing inside of you. I am so hoping that will change very soon.

    thanks. xx
     
  11. saralou5

    saralou5 Well-Known Member

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    Just echoing what the other ladies on here have said. Don't worry about it, it takes a long time for it to sink in that there is something so special growing inside of you! Once you feel those special little pops and bubbles you'll feel super attatched. I was the same untill about 16 weeks when I felt a wriggle in my tum. Now I'm so in love already. And trust me, when you see that little person on the screen for the first time it's truely the most amazing experience you will have (untill you actually have the baby ofc). It's a big change and takes some getting used to :). Sending hugs your way. Stay positive! Xxxxx


    [​IMG]
     
  12. tweetyfoo

    tweetyfoo Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:

    I'm here whenever you need me! xx
     
  13. Sunbeam638

    Sunbeam638 Well-Known Member

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    Of course your going to bond Hun & love it to death dont worry! :)
     
  14. Sproglett

    Sproglett Well-Known Member

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    lol, my dh kisses my belly every night too :)
     
  15. Hope81

    Hope81 Well-Known Member

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    I was going to make a thread about that, then I decided that it's probably a protective mechanism because of my previous mc.
    There are different steps that help with bonding (I hope)
    1. Seeing your baby kicking away at your 12 weeks scan
    2. Feeling movements later one
    3. Finding out the sex
    4. Shopping things for your baby and organizing everythin
    5. Baby's reactions on your voice, music, rubbing your belly etc etc
    And if all that dosent help I pretty hope that giving birth will do the trick lol.
    I heard before here about women that couldn't bond with their baby even after birth but it eventually happened so I am holding hope that we will be ok eventually. Don't feel bad you will be amazed about how many women can't bond with their babies so early on.
     
  16. maybe baby

    maybe baby Well-Known Member

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    I feel exactly the same, if I'm honest I don't even feel happy that I'm pregnant, which I know is ridiculous! Of course I'm happy! I'm putting it down to hormones as I really don't feel like myself at the moment, I just feel crappy grumpy and tired, I even tried googling cute babies to try and change my mind and that didn't even work!

    I know that these feelings aren't real and won't last forever. :)

    Xx
     
  17. Lynds77

    Lynds77 Well-Known Member

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    thank you maybe. Having followed your journey a little in TTC that means a lot to me, as i know how badly you wanted this.

    i just feel so bad and hope non of the TTC girls we left behind read this cause they will think we are ungrateful bitches! x
     
  18. katiesmummy

    katiesmummy Member

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    Sending :hug: I felt like this in my first pregnancy and have been the same on this one ! I dont have the same panic about it this time around but remember sobbing to my husband feeling like I was going to be a terrible mother when I went through that with my dd. However, by the time the baby was kicking and trying to break my ribs all thoughts of that disappeared ! Once the first kicks arrive you'll wonder what you were worrying about xxx
     
  19. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

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    I really wouldn't worry too much, you're only 8 weeks, and got a long way to go. x
     
  20. Happyred

    Happyred Well-Known Member

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    Just repeating what the others have said. Dont beat yourself up about your lack of feeling towards lo at the moment. Everyone is different and bonds at different times and in differnt ways, and im sure you will too when the time is right for you!
     

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