Why dont i feel connected to this bean?


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Apr 15, 2005
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I am sure you all know that i am 11weeks 2 days PG (ticker wrong and i cant change it) and although i have had all the sysmptoms in the book at text book times too. ie sleeping trouble , tired, cravings, sickness, headaches i still dont actually feel pregnant. I was reading a book today that said the babys ears are fully developed by now and talking to your baby will help them recognise your voice after the birth. What i want to ask is does anyone else do this i just feel stupid as nothing in me associates that there really is a little person inside me. I have a tiny little bump but just feel fat. I have had 2 scans which i found amazing and very emotional (for OH and me) but i still cant seem to bond with bump and feel pregnant. I this a strange thing to say, when did you all feel connected i think i may feel better when i can feel kicks and movements at the mo i feel like it hasnt yet sunk in. I dont want to feel like a bad mum before ive even started but just dont feel pregnant?!

Is that really odd or should i go baby shopping to get excited. I am so happy and am over the moon, but i think as we were trying for such a long time (17 months) the reality that i am gonna be a mum hasnt sunk in yet. How can i make the reality kick in and me feel like a mummy to be? Perhaps the growing bump will help later on. At the moment i feel like it is happening to someone else?

Sorry if i sound like a nutter i just wondered if you all feel pregnant, i know i am but just cant get onto the frame of mind. :shock:
Hi Kelly,

you are NOT a nutter.. women "bond" with their bumps at different times, I felt like you during my recent pregnancy but I think it was a defence mechanism to prepare myself for possible m/c.. and unfortunately I did m/c. I did feel connected at the scans but I think the 12 week scan would have made all the difference.. seeing it actually the shape of a baby and then maybe when I could feel movement in there etc would have been a really important step in the bonding process.

To be honest what does "feeling pregnant" feel like anyway.. just go with what you feel.. the happiness and excitement is enough... soon it will become a reality and in time you will start to feel like a mum as your little bean makes its presence felt.

Don't worry.. just enjoy it and relax..

Even if you don't feel a huge bond in pregnancy, it doesn't mean you'll be a bad mum. I've bonded with each of mine at different time - the first I think it was about 7 months, the second was a very difficult pregnancy but I felt a closeness at around 13wks, I didn't feel anything with the last until she arrived. I'm now closest to Charlotte (the last) and probably least close to Callum (the second), although I love them all to bits.

This time, I felt it on Monday (at 20wks). OH noticed I was being a bit strange and the only way I could explain it was to say 'we're having a baby' rather then 'we're pregnant' so he's now worrying about my sanity!!!
Hi Kelly,

sometimes i feel like i am totally bonding with my baby but other days i worry that i'm not because it doesn't always feel like there is a real person in there. I'm 17 weeks and i feel as though when i have my next scan at 20weeks and find out the sex of the baby that i will be able to bond better. I feel like i don't know what to expect until i know if i'm having a girl or a boy.

Do you feel kinda like that?

Vicky x
I didn't feel really pregnant until this little one started kicking and moving about. The scans didn't really seem real to me but this one seesm to have quite a little personality now, and when I touch my bump bean will kick there so it feels like we are communicating with each other. Shopping kind of helped, it makes it feel more real buying things your baby will use but it was definatley the kicking for me! Don't think that you are going to be a bad mum, if you didn't care about your baby you wouldn't be asking these questions so I think you will make a fab mum. Also baby will hear you when you talk anyway even if it is not to them xxx
Awwww thanks guys, i just feel guilty as i love this baby so much and just want to feel connected. I really do think that once i get the kicks i will know hes there and connect. At moment everyone is telling me hes there but i cant feel it so cant beleive it.

I love this forum, its great and i feel happier already. I have been waiting for this baby for so long i just wanna hold him in my arms!!!!!!!!!

Cant wait for the kicks!

ToriElla i am pretty sure i dont want to find out the sex, im impatient but also want a suprise, ( i know i cant have my cake and eat it) however i completely understand what you mean about giving your bean an identity! That makes sence then you are talking to a recongised being and not an 'it'. The only reason i use 'he' is i cant stand 'it' and am 99% sure its a boy, i just cant think of him as a girl. I have no preference and actually i'll probably be wrong and have a beautiful girl!

Thanks guys i feel better now! :D IM GONNA BE A MUM! :D YAY!
when did you all feel connected i think i may feel better when i can feel kicks and movements at the mo i feel like it hasnt yet sunk in.

Just wanted to say that I felt loads more connected to my little baby after I'd had my 20 week scan and found out the sex, I felt really bonded to her then. I was sure it was going to be a boy and we were calling bump him and stuff, but then found out we were expecting a girl. After finding out it took a few hours for it all to sink in, but once it did I felt a lot different. I could finally give an identity to the little bub kicking me.
After my 12 week scan I was in a daze because of seeing this little being dancing around, but felt weirded out because although I'd seen it, I couldn't feel it!

I also spend each morning and evening having time with the baby, she seems to wake up when I'm lying down for bed and really responds when I put my hands on my belly, which is lovely. Can't wait to hold her now!
I thought I was connected to the baby before I felt the kicks for the first time, but I'm now thinking that I might not have been as connected as I thought.

Now I've felt the kicks I really believe that I am pregnant and it has shocked me actually. I felt really freaked out last wednesday after a long-ish kicking session, becuase the reality that I am going to have a baby and be a proper, permanent mum, was quite overwhelming and a tad scary as well.

I had to get the few baby gros out of the cupboard and cuddle them to get my brain back into excited/broody mode.

This whole pregnancy thing is a major mix of emotions and some days I don't feel broody at all. But I am now starting to realise that there really is a person inside me. YIKES!! :shock: :D :D
Im a huge mixture of emotions, what do you really call conected to a baby? a lot of the time I dont even really think about it. some times I feel bad cause I find Im thinking more about getting my body back, and going on a clothes shopping spree and doing things myself, than I actually spend thinking about having the baby! some times Im deaad excited and I just cry in a really happy way, and other times I just think Oh cr@p what am I doing!?!? I think different people bond in different ways, I know Im not a really broody, mumsy type, dosent mean I love my baby any less. I just dont get all obsessed and gooey. In fact at the scans, OH is the one whos eyes glaze over with tears, not mine!
I'm not a motherly person at all - Daniel was an accident and if it wasn't for having him I don't think I'd have ever had children. I've never held other peoples babies - they scare the hell out of me!!

The connection feeling I've had is really wierd - like a sudden whoosh of every emotion possible going inside me all at one time - the excitement i feel at christmas, the sadness when somebody dies, the fear when i'm in the house alone.... all blending around and then dissappearing inside me. It's as though I'm sharing my innermost emotions with the baby, ones that I didn't even know I had, and then I'm left with a wonderful sense of calm, that no matter what happens I'll be there for baby and we'll get through it.

OMG i've scared myself now

Tracy xx
Hiya Hun,

Today was my first feeling of connection with my bump!! (I'm 16 weeks)
I was in the bath stressing about something and I felt a kick - it was as though the baby was telling meto stop stressing and think about him/her instead - it was a lovely moment but it does come to us all at totally different times.

Much love
Ahh Kerry thats lovely i cant beleive how far you are now, its flown by! I just cant wait for my 12 weeks mark to stop worrying a little, only a couple of days now! :D

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