lost our baby today


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Feb 20, 2008
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hi,just a quick post so i can try and get some advice and maybe a few answers.

my girlfriend and i were 9 weeks pregnant, for the last few days she had some dark stuff in her pants and had a few stains after wiping after she went to the loo(wee)

so this really scared us so we contacted the mid wife, the midwife booked up in for a scan today to get things checked out.

we both went along scared to death after 2 nights of no sleep.

we had the scan and the lady wouldn't show us the monitor which done my head in.anyway after a while she said she couldn't see anything so she had to do a internal,

so then she poked a stick inside my gf to see what was what, she then went on to say have we got the dates wrong. we said no we were sure of the dates and it is 9 weeks. she replies the baby is only 3mm which is 5 weeks and 6 days old so either the dates are wrong or theres very bad problems.

she said it doesnt look good and we then were told to go in another room and wait for the doctor.

15 minutes later a chap came in with a young student,he couldnt speek english very well ,he drew a little diagram and said the sack was a abnormal shape and the baby is 3mm instead of 6mm which i found out later was wrong!

he went on to say that it doesn't look good come back in 10 days to see if it has grown,if it hasn't we can be sure its not alive , at this point my gf was scared to death.

so we went home and had time to think.we researched and relised it should be 22mm not 6mm as he said.with this i lost all confidence and booked in a private scan which we have just got back from.

the women we saw tonight was very good ,she showed us what had happened on the monitor and told us that the in her 17 years of doing scans she can 99% say the baby sadly died at 5 to 6 weeks and in 10 days it will show the same. and explained about how it will come out etc and what we should do which the hospital didn't.

i just want to know does that meen we cant have kids again and my sperm is no good

and also im holding it together for my gf as shes devastated and what i can do to help her and move on from this.

why did it happen she was so good she done everything she had to and we were so exited!

why us.

sorry to go on but it feels better know to get it off my chest,even if it is to a lap top.


First of all im really sorry for yours and your gf loss :hug: :hug: :hug:
There is no reason why your gf cant go on and have a healthy pregnancy next time, the chances of having a healthy baby after a m/c are 85% to 90% (depending where you read about m/c)
Once again im really sorry :hug: :hug:
awww sweetie, this was nothing to do with your sperm or anything to do with your gf. Its a sad sad thing to happen but the blame lies nowhere.

As for helping your gf, just be there for her. But also, let her be there for you.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Im so sorry for both your loss :(
It was no way your fault or your girlfriend's. I lost my angel 7 months ago and i still blame myself.
THis by no way means you wont be able to have children. plenty of people on this site have had miscarriages and have gone on to have healthy babies and im sure you both will be too.
Take care, stick around and get your gf posting its a brilliant site for support
THANKS GUYS .i will show her this tomorrow and hopefully will make her feel better and give her the confidence to come on here.

Thanks again and goodnight.xx
Awww im so sorry for your loss and at the way that your hospital treated you, seems you wernt really helped at all. and had to actually pay to get the advice you deserve.

Me and my boyfriend have just been through similar, its hard and you do blaimne yourself...BUT its not your fault and there is no reason why you cant go on to have a healthy baby next time. One consolation is, that your sperm does work right, and you made a baby, so you can do it.

It will take time to get over your loss, just be there for each other, and talk...thats the advice I was given, and it does help to find comfort in each other.

This forum is great too, I dont know what I would have done without it.
:hug: i am really sorry for you and your gf, i went through a loss last week the baby sadly died at 7 and a half weeks, like your gf i had an abdominal scan and when she couldnt see a heart beat she did an internal scan, this is usual procedure, i am really sorry for the way you and your gf were treated and the lack of information and support the nhs are useless :evil: unfortunatly early m/c is more common than most people realise i know hearing this doesnt help but what im trying to say is it isnt down to anything you or your gf did or didnt do and you have every chance of having a healthy pregnancy next time :hug:
take care of yourself and your gf this is also a great place for support and and information, the ladies here have all been through the same, if you have any worries im sure the girls here can help, it may be good for your gf to come on here but she is very lucky to have a partner like you who is obviously very caring :hug:
Sorry for your loss. Don't blame yourselves - there's absolutely nothing either of you could have done. On the positive side, you now know that your girlfriend can get pregnant, and that your sperm can fertilise the egg, so try to be reassured by that - I know it's hard at this stage.

Approximately one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage between 6 and 12 weeks, which is a frighteningly high number - but the vast majority of couples go on to have a healthy baby afterwards. Also, it's more common for a first pregnancy to end in miscarriage - almost as though the body is having a trial run before it gets it perfect. So you're definitely not alone.

The one thing I'd add is that my doctor told me that they expect a woman's body to take up to three months to sort itself out. I had a very early miscarriage at the beginning of November, and I've just had my first proper cycle since then - so if your girlfriend's hormones and periods are all over the place for a little while, tell her it's perfectly normal and not to worry. Some doctors say not to try to conceive again for 3 months, in order to let the body recover completely, others say wait for the first full cycle (including period) after the miscarriage. Some others say it doesn't really matter if you try again straightaway, but your girlfriend in particular will probably need a little time before she's ready.
im sorry for your loss. it was neither your nor your gf's fault. i hope u two can support each other thru this difficult time :hug:

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