OH is a weed smoker... advice please.

[cosmicgirl]

I dont really see a problem to be honest as you said you got with him committed enough to make a life with him all whilst knowing he has a smoke , if it really bothered you that much then why commit in such a BIG way? Everyone has a vice! mine is chocolate eating ans it just so happens the OH is a smoke! never out in public , never to the extent he cant function , just to relax after work . I can never change this about him , i dont drink , smoke nothing but he comes as i found him, the only thing he's stopping for is to TTC but i wouldnt ask him to quit for life its his choice . Your OH does he go out drinking? pub all evening /weekend? as a lot of men do? mine doesn't he prefers to be at home with me. I dont see him as a 'stoner' it doesn't affect him in that way , its just his " can of beer " in the evening after a hard days graft

I understand what you are saying. but it does affect his ability to function. He doesn't think it does but i can see with my own eyes.
things have changed due to catching (it was an accident). he has moved in and that part of his life is now around me. Before it was in his own time, not OUR time.

I agree with you 100%, he needs to pack it in, now x

 

[Jaxx01]

I dont really see a problem to be honest as you said you got with him committed enough to make a life with him all whilst knowing he has a smoke , if it really bothered you that much then why commit in such a BIG way? Everyone has a vice! mine is chocolate eating ans it just so happens the OH is a smoke! never out in public , never to the extent he cant function , just to relax after work . I can never change this about him , i dont drink , smoke nothing but he comes as i found him, the only thing he's stopping for is to TTC but i wouldnt ask him to quit for life its his choice . Your OH does he go out drinking? pub all evening /weekend? as a lot of men do? mine doesn't he prefers to be at home with me. I dont see him as a 'stoner' it doesn't affect him in that way , its just his " can of beer " in the evening after a hard days graft

I understand what you are saying. but it does affect his ability to function. He doesn't think it does but i can see with my own eyes.
things have changed due to catching (it was an accident). he has moved in and that part of his life is now around me. Before it was in his own time, not OUR time.

I agree with you 100%, he needs to pack it in, now x

Agreed!! 100%

xx

 

[Emmamb]

My hubby smoked it when we 1st met,he smoked it outside when he moved in with me and also saw it as a way of relaxing after work-but he stopped completely when I fell pg with my 4yo and hasn't touched it since. I think he finally grew up and realised he didn't wanna waste money xx

 

[kirstymichelle]

It's insane to compare weed to eating a bar of chocolate or having a beer - weed is illegal!!!

Alcohol is more dangerous and causes FAR more social problems than weed lets take Amsterdam as an example of a society where weed is legalised and controlled and thriving . How many families live in fear of their alcoholic husbands/dad's ?, how full is an A&E department on a weekend due to binge drinking ?
Alcohol is very much more acceptable because it is legal but ruins far far more lives than weed! I'm not sayin if you smoke massive amounts via bongs or spliff after spliff is good for you so you cant function. I know people like to get on their high horses over this due to the illegel tab!

Sorry if fabwisp but maybe then if this was an accident then letting him move in until it is resolved was your problem your foot should have been down sooner. You shold have said 'your not moving in with me if you smoke weed'

But this is my opinion because it causes no issues in my relationship i have an extremely loving dedicated OH who does anything for me we are immensley happy and i have no niggles about him or annoyances we live a fullfilled busy active life , never fight or argue etc so maybe my experience is different

 

[knopk@]

I think its a personal opinion, but I wouldnt like to see drunk husband/if he smoked weed near my child.

You are talking about extreme ie people who have problems with alcohol. If you have 1 or 2 units a week, it wont cause problems. If you smoke weed, once or twice a week, it will still affect you.

But once again its up to individual and family to decide

 

[cosmicgirl]

People getting on their high horses because of the illegal tab????
Do you realise the thousands if not millions of lives destroyed because of the illegal drugs trade?? From those who traffic it, deal it, grow it and source it???
It's sad how blasé you are about it and if your oh uses it well IMO your life is not the perfect picture of perfection that you paint. I think you are being unnecessarily harsh on this lady, life isn't that black and white!

 

[cosmicgirl]

I also think it's irresponsible to have drugs around children, full stop.

 

[Piglet10]

Who in their right mind would think weed is acceptable in a family home?! Seriously listen to yourself xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Who in their right mind would think weed is acceptable in a family home?! Seriously listen to yourself xx

Sense at last x

 

[Jaxx01]

Who in their right mind would think weed is acceptable in a family home?! Seriously listen to yourself xx

Sense at last x

Im in agreement again! x

 

[kirstymichelle]

lol listen to all of you! i could keep posting for hours on this because as you say life isnt always so black and white , so i'll go and enjoy my lovely life whilst you lot find someone else to bicker at. The illegal drugs trade! lol its all so seedy isnt it! my life must be seedy and family home full of weed smoke and its paraphanalia? my daughter must be around it we must live in the drug fuelled rob a granny type way NO NO NO NO NO lol we live a very quiet nice comfortable life , raise a wonderfully intelligent sweet daughter, and as for uneccasarily harsh TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELVES i answered the post , she should have sorted it sooner or not be with him if she didnt like it and was THAT bothered about it! as i say I AM NOT and it doesnt affect us as a couple in the slightest , my OH doesnt mong out or anything like that he does way more than the average man i've been reading the post ' your OH annoying habbits' and i'm glad to say my OH is far more considerate than all those men put together , he cooks , cleans up after himself , is respectful of me , never raises his voice at me , tidy , clean blah blah blah and i'd never dis him out on here for other women to GAGGLE over . So go on JUMP ON THAT^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ x

 

[Jaxx01]

What a wonderfully grown up response!!!

What people are saying is that you have a child in the house how on earth can you think it's 'norrmal' to have weed around her!? our choice but like others have said it's illegal. Full stop! Its illegal for a reason!

You say it doesnt affect you as a 'couple' but there is more to you than a couple!! You have a child...that is exactly what she was saying...dont think it affected them as a 'couple' but unlike some it seems she wants to grow up and look at the bigger picture before her child arriveS!!!!!

 

[kirstymichelle]

What a wonderfully grown up response!!!

What people are saying is that you have a child in the house how on earth can you think it's 'norrmal' to have weed around her!? our choice but like others have said it's illegal. Full stop! Its illegal for a reason!

You say it doesnt affect you as a 'couple' but there is more to you than a couple!! You have a child...that is exactly what she was saying...dont think it affected them as a 'couple' but unlike some it seems she wants to grow up and look at the bigger picture before her child arriveS!!!!!

It is not around her! and i love how you like respond by trying to insinuate that i am not 'grown up' . Many things are illegal for very valid reasons down to going over the speed limit and how many brake that law???

Anyway i said i wouldn't respond again to your silly little jibes at me because you all love a good arguement and how immature is that?? anyway its boring tbh

 

[titch]

so i'll go and enjoy my lovely life whilst you lot find someone else to bicker at.

I dont think there was any bickering going on until you joined the thread. Everyone is different and her opinion on the matter is that she does not want drugs being used in her childrens home. This isnt a criticism of you or an attack, its her choice, her family, her life. The point is, she doesnt want drugs in her family home where there are her kids and a new baby, she didnt ask for advice on whether this opinion was valid, she asked advice on how best to approach the difference of opinion between her and her OH.

Im glad you have a perfect lovely life. Im glad your OH is perfect and Im glad that you dont need any support in your relationship, spare a thought for us mortals though eh?!

 

[kirstymichelle]

will do thanks , and she actually asked if she was overreacting and i gave my own PERSONAL opinion and you all jumped on me .

 

[fabwisp]

People getting on their high horses because of the illegal tab????
Do you realise the thousands if not millions of lives destroyed because of the illegal drugs trade?? From those who traffic it, deal it, grow it and source it???
It's sad how blasé you are about it and if your oh uses it well IMO your life is not the perfect picture of perfection that you paint. I think you are being unnecessarily harsh on this lady, life isn't that black and white!

thank you. I know really i should have told him he couldn't move in until he had stopped but with all the problems I've had with the pregnancy so far I needed his support. it's hard as i have never smoked it. he says that it just relaxes him after work. But apart from the weed he is the sweetest man and i know he would do anything for me.
Also even tho he smokes, he holds down a full time job, has just bought a car so that we don't need to get train or bus to hospital appointments.
i guess the reason i posted on here is that i needed confirmation that no matter how wonderful he is, i would be doing the right thing by ending it with him if he hasn't quit before baby is born

 

[DaisyPurple]

The thing is this, this forum is usually a happy place where woman (like me) can come and recieve friendly advice and support, its not usually a place where arguments occur, if one of us is feeling down then usually the help is there to pick us back up again, its about positivity, and good sound advice, sometimes girls need to vent, and yes the facility is there for them.to have a good moan, but without trying to be disrespectful, I think when.you have been around-the-clock so to speak you will come to a point where you will realise that drugs and alcohol are not acceptable around babies and children, it is personal choice, but unfortunately those who usually partake in these things to excess are in my opinion too selfish to consider the health and feelings of those around them anyway. And the personal choice of the child is not regarded, weed, in fact is just as destructive as alcohol, it gets a grip and tares your life apart, can lead to psychological problems including paranoia for one, I don't that its overreacting to want to protect your unborn child from this, sorry if this seems like a rant I am.not getting at anyone I just felt the need to clarify a few points, mainly that this is a safe place not a nasty place sigh
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[Piglet10]

I can't even believe how this thread has went,

No life is perfect , and no partner is perfect but to think that smoking weed is appropriate behaviour for a parent is ludicrous, I'm loving the reference to other threads, that's mature!

Dont forget when your livid your perfect life with your perfect partner and smoking your weed, children learn by example, maybe you should think about how you would feel if your child starts smoking the illegal drug,

I am speaking from experience and parents smoking weed is addictive destructive and can ruin a family, not to mention expensive !!! Money that could be spent on the kids or put in a bank fortheir future,

I am sure you will still want the last word so I'm taking myself off this thread as I cant be dealing with this rubbish and i don't think you will ever see the other side of the coin.

 

[DaisyPurple]

And fabwisp I totally u.derstand your dilema, have you thought about gettin.g him some professional help with hobo.g up he dies soy.d like he us trying to be supportive, I wish you all the luck in the world with this xx
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[fabwisp]

lol listen to all of you! i could keep posting for hours on this because as you say life isnt always so black and white , so i'll go and enjoy my lovely life whilst you lot find someone else to bicker at. The illegal drugs trade! lol its all so seedy isnt it! my life must be seedy and family home full of weed smoke and its paraphanalia? my daughter must be around it we must live in the drug fuelled rob a granny type way NO NO NO NO NO lol we live a very quiet nice comfortable life , raise a wonderfully intelligent sweet daughter, and as for uneccasarily harsh TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELVES i answered the post , she should have sorted it sooner or not be with him if she didnt like it and was THAT bothered about it! as i say I AM NOT and it doesnt affect us as a couple in the slightest , my OH doesnt mong out or anything like that he does way more than the average man i've been reading the post ' your OH annoying habbits' and i'm glad to say my OH is far more considerate than all those men put together , he cooks , cleans up after himself , is respectful of me , never raises his voice at me , tidy , clean blah blah blah and i'd never dis him out on here for other women to GAGGLE over . So go on JUMP ON THAT^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ x

I'm sorry that you feel this way. But i really think you need to take a look at why your OH smokes it. Can he relax without it? I think not. He is addicted. If he was doing a line of coke, or some heroin every night in the name of relaxation, would your attitude be the same?
My man has admitted he has a problem. He is addicted. He knows it's slowly killing him, but because he has been smoking it for years, he knows no other way to cope with emotions and stress. When we were "boyfriend & girlfriend" he had his life, i had mine, then we had time shared together. I had been single for 6 years before I met him. so I was in no hurry to take things further. I was enjoying each day for what it was. finding out I was pregnant has changed all that.

Do you have children? How will your partner cope with the stress of a newborn? he will smoke. When you are in labour who will drive you to hospital? Certainly not your partner if he has had a smoke before bed I hope. His reactions will be sluggish.
When baby wakes at 2am and has a fever, how much help will he be when in a deep weed induced sleep?
If you need to go out, who will you leave your newborn with if OH has had a smoke? Cause it would be irresponsible to leave it with him.

These are the things that I am on about. Weed does not change my OH personality or loving nature. I would even say he is more loving on it. But it DOES affect them physically.

One last thing, not everyone is perfect. Yes I caught by accident. I was on the pill, I think it was the anti biotics i was on that are to blame. I didn't think to check they were compatible with the pill. But hey sh*t happens. I'm a grown up, my mistake, my baby ... happy days!
Maybe I shouldn't have got involved with a man that smokes weed in the first place. But after 6 years of being alone. I was lonely and wanted something a bit more. So shoot me for being a bit selfish and grabbing a bit of happiness.
And as for letting him move in, he said he would quit, like I said he needed time to wean himself off etc. As a cigarette smoker, I understand how hard it is to quit. I'm down to 2 a day now from 30 a day. I imagine giving up weed would be alot harder after 20 years of smoking it. So again shoot me for showing a bit of compassion.

life is not as black and white as you portray. Decisions are made and mistakes are made. But as grown ups, we deal with it.

I'm glad not everyone on this site is as judgemental as you are.