Oh I Don't Know

[purplehippy]

Things are not good. I'm having huge problems with my OH, my pregnancy is not going easily, and I still don't have any friends in Cardiff.

I've been coming down off the amount of antidepressants I was on, for the baby and so I can try and breastfeed better this time. So never mind a lack of support, being bullied by my OH who has problems, isn't good at all.

I've had bad SPD since the beginning of January and this has now interfered greatly with my time with my 3 1/2 year old daughter, who lives an hour away from me with her dad.

I feel so sad about how abnormal my pregnancy has been, as in how little I can talk about it, how little interest my OH shows even though he's ecstatic (and Daisy was planned), and it took him til the new year to start realising that yes, I'm tired for a valid reason and that dragging me out all the time was insensitive (well, he won't have seen it as insensitive, just that it's been too much to manage).

I had my good friend to share it with, she was due 2 days after me. But when we both had our 12 week scans, her baby was diagnosed with anencephaly and though she wants me to keep her updated, it's insensitive of me to text her all the time and we can't share our pregnancies anymore.

Despite trying, I've not managed to make any local friends through here, my nearest friends are an hour away from me and I just don't have the energy or diesel money to travel much at the moment (my friend in Monmouth also has 7 kids and one is severely disabled so I don't expect her to get to me, at least often).

Everything is so unstable and I am so confused - and I don't really like talking about it, because everyone says the same, and I know what the answer is, but for me it is honestly just not that simple (I have NOTHING).

Just want to make some contact and stuff. I'm doing much of the tough exterior thing and I only get overly teary now when I'm not sleeping at all - more so, I'm open to people who have been in a situation that sounds similar, commenting, or also if there's anyone out there who might want to buddy up with another Cardiffian, I don't do tea or coffee but would love someone or some people to pop out with now and then, who have littlies. I'm not bothered about the age of someone else's littlies. Just be nice to have someone else around sometimes.

 

[pinkymum]

I don't have any advice and I'm away up in Scotland so not much use. But just wanted to say I've read and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time

 

[purplehippy]

Thank you.

It usually doesn't bother me when friends live far away, I'm a total traveller - but I just can't, right now.

And it's isolating when you're stuck in one place a lot, with no one to share what is supposed to be such a wonderful time. I spend most of mine being apprehensive rather than excited.

And I just want my baby to come out so I can get over the SPD and start living again

 

[wishuponastar]

Ah big cuddles honey. Sounds like you're having a really tough time of it.

xx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Awww hun
When you have the energy why not go to a pregnancy class? They do a few things round here like pregnancy swimming classes and things like that. Has your midwife not told you about any of those? When LO is here you could take him or her to a play group where you stay there too and you would maybe meet other mams there aswell?
I know how you feel about not having no one, i am the same...i drifted away from all my friends and the one "friend" i do have has got so stuck up her own arse i don't think she will ever get out! I am really sick of her and do not have much to say to her as she puts a downer on everything i say or do!
I am sure you will meet people you have just got to get out there. There has got to be someone on PF from near you that you could meet up with.
Hope you feel better soon hun xxx

 

[purplehippy]

Cheers guys.

I want to see my local La Leche League - I'll admit to being a little frightened. I'm not mainstream and people find me too eccentric most of the time.

There is one aquanatal group, not a far drive from me, it is at 9.30am though, so I will have to try really hard to get to it.

I've repeatedly asked about groups, surestart, etc - I'm not supposed to go to surestart because I'm not in an underprivelaged part of Cardiff, and the groups I've googled appear to be for when the baby is born - sort of playgroup types.

The Monmouth surestart have told me I'm welcome there with my friends whenever I want - but I've already posted up about my current travelling struggles. But I do try meet my friend on a tuesday if I've the money, at her local softplay cafe. Been away or ill recently though.

With my first pregnancy with Kaya, I made a few friends from the august 2007 due date thread, and am still firm friends with one now, even though we're worlds apart - but she's in Wigan!!! I'm hoping to see her this month with my daughter - my littlun came on her due date, and vice versa, and she had another littlun just over a year later. It's been nearly a year since I saw her.

Is just difficult because I've been through netmums and have tried asking other mums I see. Just keep hitting brick walls. I don't want to do a pregnancy refresher - the classes I went to the first time, did not prepare me in the slightest for what I actually went through.

Nervous.

Thankfully it's a sunny day today (still in me pj's though!). I want to write my birth plan, too, but would like someone else present when I do, to make sure I make sense - I don't explain myself well at times.

 

[mumofmany]

Oh lonliness is horrible to suffer from, i was very lonely after my 4th we moved house when i was pregnant with m 3rd and i never got to know anyone, it put big presureon my OH aswell because i wanted to spend every last minute he had spare with him cauise i had spent all day with kids as company 2 were at school and the other 2 were only 10 months apart so very little and it took its toll on us. we had moved to were he used ot live so he still had his friends, it took time but after i had my 4th i got out more and actually started to ask some of the mums from school round for a coffee, and it took time but eventually i had some friends, also the local surestart by me is for anyone so that is always worth a look. I never went to the anti natal classes because i wasn't on my 1st but regretted it, because people tend to meet up from those i found out later when i went to toddler groups and they all knew each other from antinatal classes. so if possible i would try and see if anything anti natal to go to. I live by liverpool/chester so a bit away from you.

 

[wishuponastar]

I think you make perfect sense. Pregnancy can be a lonely experience at the best of times!

xx

 

[purplehippy]

Thanks, mumofmany.

i never saw anyone from my antenatal classes again.

I'm hoping I meet someone or some people, from the LLL. I've been unable to shake off the 'germs' I have on my chest etc, thanks to my asthma being bad at the moment, for the last month. So I haven't rung about attending yet, but they have been emailing me.

I won't NCT - specially because you are expected to bring people home when it's your turn and our house is going to be a mess for a good year, and will be having work done to it at the end of this year. Garden will be done the summer after this.

I went to a festival in Leicester direction, last year. Big Session. They aren't holding it there again though.

 

[purplehippy]

I think you make perfect sense. Pregnancy can be a lonely experience at the best of times!

xx

Agree totally - I'm less lonely this time, in a way - I think - but I am also concerned about afterwards. I have fibromyalgia and can also get anxiety about going out sometimes, if I haven't been managing the fibro very well - so for example, I've not been down to the Albany Rd charity shops since last summer! I don't get into town at the mo, either. But I do hang around the Mothercare and sometimes the staff chat to you.

 

[wishuponastar]

Yeah, the staff in the Mothercare where I am are really chatty too...nice people mostly, apart from a couple of lanky boys who are in charge of the prams! They look scared stiff of pregnant women so are clearly in the wrong job!!!

xx

 

[purplehippy]

Lol! There is a young man at ours, but he never looks phased by the stuff you give him to be scanned.

I'd quite like to work in a Mothercare if I end up in a shop again. But providing everything with my OH stabilises, we both have ambitions to open up somewhere of our own, catering for mums/dads/carers in my current position and such, with a basic cafe etc, which would also sell particular things we've discussed etc.

 

[wishuponastar]

Ooh that sounds fab! I really hope everything with your OH does stabilise. It's at times like this that you really need each other!

xx

 

[purplehippy]

He's home and happier because he's got the probate forms that will let him sort out his mum's estate, now. Means money etc. And he's considering taking the voluntary redundancy at his workplace too.

He's unhappy at work because it's very boring and easy and they will be gutted to lose him because he's on the top of their table!

 

[cherelle]

Hi hun

Im in Cardiff!

I moved to Cardiff about a year ago from my home town of Nottingham so all close friends and family live back there. They do visit and i have friends from work here in Cardiff but when i stopped going out partying i realised a lot of my new friends were more drinking aquaintances than anything more! Although i have friends who visit when they can, im in a similar situation to you. Plus i dont drive so its hard for me to visit people, i often jump on the train (im also a total traveller) - and im off back to Nottingham on a train for a few days today but its getting hard now with my back pain.

What was the aquanatal class u were on about - the one at Llandaff? As i dont drive its difficult for me to get about really but my OH has said he would drop me off there if i wanted to go - just felt a bit silly going alone! Maybe we could arrange to go if you fancy it?? The idea of donning a swimming costume makes me feel slightly sick with all my extra pregnancy weight lol but id be up for it - midwife recommended it for my back pain too.

xxx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Hi hun

Im in Cardiff!

I moved to Cardiff about a year ago from my home town of Nottingham so all close friends and family live back there. They do visit and i have friends from work here in Cardiff but when i stopped going out partying i realised a lot of my new friends were more drinking aquaintances than anything more! Although i have friends who visit when they can, im in a similar situation to you. Plus i dont drive so its hard for me to visit people, i often jump on the train (im also a total traveller) - and im off back to Nottingham on a train for a few days today but its getting hard now with my back pain.

What was the aquanatal class u were on about - the one at Llandaff? As i dont drive its difficult for me to get about really but my OH has said he would drop me off there if i wanted to go - just felt a bit silly going alone! Maybe we could arrange to go if you fancy it?? The idea of donning a swimming costume makes me feel slightly sick with all my extra pregnancy weight lol but id be up for it - midwife recommended it for my back pain too.

xxx

Thats nice of you Cherelle! You two will enjoy it! xxx

 

[purplehippy]

Hello Cherelle - I'll need to ask my midwife again - she told me roughly how to get there.

You're a few days more pregnant than me, according to your ticker

My gran lives in Nottingham.

I will send you my email, in a mo

 

[cherelle]

I know theres only a few days between us! Speak soon x

 

[purplehippy]

Cheers to everyone who has replied, I really just needed to get some feelings and such out of my head.

This weekend has actually been miles better than usual and yesterday was the first day I've had at home, where I haven't wished I was dead or somewhere else.

I have had First Contact (tee hee) with Cherelle now, which was lovely, and I also got a reply to my post on netmums from the other month, from a lady in Riverside who is due in 4 weeks. I'll have to check where Riverside is. Looks like none of us are from Wales either!

Got to run off, need to do a few things and we've a roast in the oven - it'll be the third my OH has ever made (I've never successfully made one) and I love his roasts.

Thanks again.

 

[cherelle]

I think Riverside is down near the millenium centre?

Hope you enjoyed your roast!! x