OH doesn't want to tell colleagues

[newbie1984]

Hi

Just wondered if any of you have any experience of their OHs not wanting to tell their work colleagues of your pregnancy? He works for the police and says he doesn't want people knowing our business, not because he is ashamed or anything but just wants to keep it private. He has told his friends outside of work and family. He has some history with someone who he works with (not directly anymore) which happened before I came along and I understand that he doesn't want her to know the same way I don't want my ex to know, but it wouldn't bother me if he did know I just have no need to tell him:

I'm not really sure how I feel about OHs lack of telling work people! Is this normal for blokes? He said he will tell his supervisors when he needs to.

 

[newbie1984]

Or am I just thinking too much?

 

[Flips4]

I don't really know, I suppose everyone is individual, my OH has told every man and his dog, he really struggled to keep it quiet but maybe different professions??? And of course he wants time to come to scans when he can and as men's work don't have to give time for scans etc I suppose it's good to be able to explain? My ex told his work too but we socialised with some people he worked with so would have been hard to hide. How does he feel about you telling your work? I'm not sure I can see a valid reason :-/

 

[newbie1984]

he is fine with me telling whoever I want. I just asked him about it again as to why..... He was seeing someone at work before I met him and when it all went wrong a lot of so called friends turned their back on him, even though he wasn't the one in the wrong, and so he said he doesn't want people who he thought was his friend being involved in something we should enjoy. I guess I see where he is coming from in a roundabout way. Maybe it's all a little too fresh. We usually work the scans and stuff around his work as its shifts.

We haven't been together long before I fell pregnant. I haven't really told anyone other than my direct friends and work.

 

[Jayjay027]

I think it could, in a way, be a bloke thing. My husband has told the world and its wife about me being pregnant, but when we got engaged, he said he didn't feel the need to tell people he worked with, as he didn't see any of them as friends. But it really hurt me that he wasn't shouting it from the rooftops x

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[newbie1984]

Yeah that's kind of how I feel. I mean he has told his close friends and family so that part of me is ok, but the other part is like whys he not saying anything, maybe I'm just paranoid because of his bitch ex and I want her to know but I get why he feels he doesn't want them to know. I don't want my ex to know because there is just no need to tell him. I guess it's the same.

 

[Flips4]

I'm sure he isn't meaning to hurt your feelings, I think every situation is different. I think the only reason my OH wanted to tell everyone was because he was so exceptionally proud that his sperm got me pregnant, to be fair you'd think I have played no part in the whole process of getting pregnant lol

 

[CARNAT22]

Surely they'll find out when he goes on paternity leave??

Seems a bit odd to me to be honest - OH would tell strangers on the street if I let him

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

i could fully understand if yu were very early on, but not at 15 weeks? i would be a bit put out too hun!!

 

[jojo_2012]

I guess there's no way you can force him to. But the way you've worded it makes it sound like you're his dirty little secret, he should be proud of you and the baby!

 

[CARNAT22]

Also why don't you want Ex partners to know?

People move on and meet new people, its all part of life!

All sounds very cloak and dagger and quite juvenile (sorry!!)

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

^^ i know its all a bit hmmm isn't it?

 

[Sarah7]

I suppose people should just tell whoever they're comfortable with. So if your OH would be uncomfortable in his work environment if he told them then fair enough, but personally I would want a decent reasons as to why he was keeping it under wraps. My OH posts scan pics on Facebook pretty much as soon as he gets a spare 10 seconds with his phone, but he also hasnt told his work colleagues as he doesn't like most of them lol however he is happy for them to know he just didn't go out of his way to specifically tell people he's not friends with. He told everyone he likes at work the second we were at 12 weeks and told his boss a long time before that as we had a scare and he needed time off.
I think the thing I'm getting at with that long wordy rant is that there is a big difference between hiding it and just not telling people and actually minding if they were to find out. It sounds like your OH actively does not want people to know and I would find that strange.
Sorry for that ramble, I blame my cold! Good luck with it all, hope you get it sorted in a way you're both happy with x

 

[Lolly85x]

Hmh... I'd be a bit annoyed if I'm honest. I doom now some people don't regard there work colleagues as friends, guys are different. But I think it's nice news to share. My boyfriend only told his manager till after the scan, then everyone knew. Sure the scan pictures have been flashed around too! It's not like something you want to hide or keep secret. Should be proud to be a dad.
And if it's because he doesn't want his ex to know then that really would annoy me, why would he care what she thought!

 

[Sunshine_1]

I think every situation is different. My OH works with just a dozen or so people, so he's told his closest college and his bosses, just incase he needs to leave in a hurry or whatever, and he cannot wait to tell the others (especially as his two colleges who are a couple are about 7 weeks ahead of us). But maybe if he worked for a bigger organisation, and especially if we hadn't been together long, I can imagine he would have been very funny about telling anyone.

I'm sure your OH is not ashamed of you and the baby, though I can understand why you feel like that, maybe he's just feeling a little off because it's all happening so fast and he's still trying to get his own head around it before he lets people who he barely knows in to his business also?

As for ex's knowing, again as some of the break up's have been quite recent, I can understand. I think if I had caught within the first year or so of me and OH being together, I wouldn't have wanted ex to find out as I was very much not wanting him to know anything about my life....now I want to go and post the scan pic through his front door (maybe with a wedding pic too and a note saying 'leave me within a couple of months will he...but that's my own personal bitter rant sorry!)

 

[Happyred]

I guess everyone is different. My oh is a very private person and was happy to tell his family and friends, but didnt feel any need to shout it from the rooftops and tell every tom,dick and harry he met. If it came into conversation with work colleagues he told them, but didnt make a point of mentioning it, if that makes sense.
To be honest I was the same. Not cause I didnt want people to know, just that I dont see much point in making a fuss.
At the end of the day, yes we are very excited about having our lo, but realistically outside of close friends and family, im sure most other people arent that interested in our news!
I wouldnt think too much of it and i certainly wouldnt try and pressure him about it. Let him deal with things his own way, providing he is supportive and happy with the situation when he is at home with you, then who cares! People will find out eventually anyway!

 

[natashateale]

Hey hun o experianced this with my first pregnancy.
I found out in the end he didnt want to tell them because he disnt really get om with them in a friendly way, he got on with them because he had to work with them not because he want to. He said they wouldnt understand and didnt want the stupid jokes that came with it. This time round he has a new job and gets on well with the ppl he works with and says he cant wait to tell them

 

[newbie1984]

thanks all. I feel ok about it, part of me feels like im a dirty little secret like someone mentioned but the other half of me understands. I dont want my ex to know as we only split up a few weeks before my boyfriend and I got together (and i subsequently fell pregnant)

I asked him again last night, he said he is by no means ashamed or embarassed he just doesnt want to share something we are happy about with people who stabbed him in the back. He has had to take a lot of greif at work over his ex and he said just after whats happened he doesnt want that B*tch or people who he thought were his friends knowing anything about his life anymore.

Like i said, he has told all of his real friends and family, but yeah it does sound a little shady i guess. lol whatever. They will find out eventually. Im not too worried that he is hiding a secret double life from me, im not sure when he would have the time!!!

 

[CARNAT22]

Surely it's going to come as more of a shock when he suddenly takes paternity leave (when no-one knew about you??) than if he just lets a few people know so the grapevine can filter out the news?

Another point as well - what if you bump into your Ex whilst preggers or with bub? It might give the guy a heart attack in-case he thinks baby is his...

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[newbie1984]

yeah maybe i will make that point to him when i see him tomorrow. No danger of my ex seeing me he lives 200 miles away and works abroad.

It's a bit of a long story but i was with this guy for 2 years however he served in the military so most of his time was spent abroad. Although we finally split in January the last time we actually were 'together' was way before that. Meanwhile, my BF broke up with his ex in November after a very short and messy relationship (if you can call it that as she had a partner of 10 years so he was 'the other guy' and he ended up walking away when he realised he was being taken for a mug) and he is the one who has taken all the grief at work. Honestly it was like an episode of eastenders but that really wasnt him, he just got hurt really bad a couple a years ago and was kinda on a downwards spiral until late last year, then i came along and everything changed lol He has always said he wants to keep his private life and work seperate for that reason as everyone gets involved so i do understand where he is coming from but they will find out eventually. There is 1 person at his work who knows who is a close friend, but he hasnt told anyone. He hates being talked about and maybe he feels that would happen. I dunno.... oh well we are happy and thats all that matters.