Not sure how I feel

[Mols]

Hi everyone, little bit of background info on our situation.

We've been TTC since 2007, I have had some health problems and I also have PCOS. OH all good.

Tried Clomid, no luck. Started IVF in 2013 overstimulated so eggs were frozen and we were supposed to start frozen embryo transfer October 2013 but ended up in hospital with other health issues. Finally all is good and hope to start FET in January/Febrary.

Anyway, this may sound so selfish but my brother & sister in law have just had their first baby. When I found out she was pregnant, I was happy for them but I also (in private) bawled my eyes out thinking that this wasn't fair. Now the wee one is here, I'm so in love with her already and I've not even met her yet, meeting her tomorrow. My problem is that I'm feeling SO jealous and upset, I am SO happy for them but I'm scared it will show through tomorrow about how I'm really feeling and I do not want them to know, (no one knows about our struggle with TTC) it's supposed to be all about them and the wee one but why can't I be 100% happy for them, I mean I really really want to be but can't help this feeling of jealousy.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of feelings or situation and how did you cope with it. Is this normal to be feeling like this? I feel like I'm an awful person for feeling this way.

Thanks xxx

 

[millielaura]

Defo normal!! Been ttc 2 years with losses and my friends just had her baby and I am so so happy for her but can't help feeling craazzzy envious!!xfc

 

[Mols]

Thank god, others feel this way too. I feel awful about feeling this way but I think that's just making me feel worse overall. Xx

 

[snowbee]

Yep, normal! Sucks doesn't it I'm increasingly bitter about it and do find it very difficult when seeing friends with babies, then you have to endure the whole oh when are you going to have children talks. None of my friends have had problems ttc and the one friend I did confide in just made us both feel awkward as she couldn't relate at all.

Welcome anyway, feel free to rant away here!

 

[Mols]

Thanks! Means a lot to know I'm not completely alone. I will probably be ranting A LOT. I've woken up feeling a bit better and more excited to meet my niece, and decided if I end up crying I'm going to try and pass it off as tears of happiness so not feeling as anxious about it.

Thank you! X

 

[tashap]

I am the same, I have a massive cry every time a friend get pregnant. Still happy for them and love there little one - but man it hurts.

I'm also due to have treatment in Jan/Feb - icsi after 5.5yeara ttc. The closer it gets the hard I'm finding it with hiding my emotions but tears of happiness is a great idea and I may need to borrow it (my niece/nephew is due in Feb) xx

 

[phonixgirl]

Yep, I felt exactly the same way about my niece (she is now 18 months old and as an 'accident') xx

Big hugs xx

I also have PCOS BTW and started NTNP around the same time you started ttc. Are you on metformin? I can't emphasise enough how important it is for us PCOS ladies xx

 

[Mols]

Well I met her today and I don't think I've loved anyone as much as her before! Really really hard but I managed, broke my heart a little when my husband was holding her as I know he was wishing we could have one.

Not on metformin as I'm on other meds for a different health issue and they didn't want to give it to me as it reacts with those meds ��.

I just want to get this started again, but they need to go back through my specialists in Edinburgh first then go onto the FET waiting list. So much waiting about, but at the minute trying to concentrate on getting healthier to give us the best shot possible.

Thanks everyone for your replies, this forum really helps you feel like your not alone in this. Xxxx