neighbour dosent want her baby :(

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Agree with Lynette, I think this could turn nasty fast x
 
I think its too easy to judge people without knowing the whole story. I didn't take drugs etc but with my 1st pregnancy which was planned I spent the whole 9 months wishing I wasn't, thinking I didn't want the baby it was a miserable time for me but as soon as I met lo I felt so much love I would do anything for him and now im having my second. People react differently and im not justifying her actions im just saying things aren't always that simple. That 9 months was the lowest of my life I couldn't tell anyone how I felt I was so ashamed, judge me if you want but you won't always understand what other people are going through.

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I kept E a secret for 20 weeks cos I couldn't bear the gossip! In fact, at about 28 weeks, one if my managers asked why I wasn't wearing uniform to work and almost fainted when I said I was waiting for maternity stiff as she had no idea :lol: and as for sterilising people who shouldn't have kids :shock: well, there are certain types of people that I do believe should be sterilised, but I yhink that would be about 1% of the world population! A law banning people would be criminal IMO, think of yhe problems it would cause!
 
I will be 17 on Saturday, I'm currently doing A Levels and I live with my dad. My pregnancy wasn't planned, the contraception I used with my OH failed. I don't smoke, never even tried, and I rarely drink (only at Xmas, new year and like birthdays). Obvs I won't be drinking again until after LD is here, the last drink I had was at my 16th birthday last year. Does all of this mean I don't deserve my baby? Just because he/she wasn't planned? Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm going to be a bad parent. You shouldn't judge someone on one day at an antenatal class, or information from someone else, it may just be idle gossip. And if it is true, why is your sister in law taking this woman's private business and telling other people? The pregnant woman probably told your SIL that information in confidence, I don't think it's fair for her to go telling anyone else. And gossiping doesn't solve anything
 
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I'm glad to see this thread come back to a more reasoned opinion. I don't think any of us can sit in judgement on anyone else (despite desperately wanting to sometimes). Its hard when you are ttc to watch others behave as you might not, but everyone has different limits, different backgrounds and different personalities and few conform to the 'norm'. For some a drink whilst pregnant is ok, for others its an absolute no no. In some cases its a lack of information. pregnant or not there are still people who believe smoking doesn't cause lung cancer, that sun beds don't cause skin cancer, cos its all a matter of statistics. Our mums may have drank and smoked throughout, i suspect many born in the 70s had just that, and that attitude is often passed down through the generations.
 
I do think hearing something third party doesn't put anyone in a position to pass any judgement. Everybody embelishes, whether they admit it or not. I think to say somebody doesn't deserve their baby is very harsh and probably not the right sort of comment to bring to an open forum where it is going to antagnise and upset people, either for or against a person they don't even know!
 
This is a sensitive subject clearly and is open to debate. To say that due to A, B and C someone should not be able to have children is not likely to be received well on a pregnancy forum. Everyone is entitled to their opinion
And no one is saying what is right or wrong but please bear in mind what may offend Others when you are posting.
 
To be fair, a lot of the people responding are taking it too personally. The OP never said people who get pregnant by accident should be sterilised, not once!
She said that she happens to know that this woman doesn't want her baby and continues to smoke weed throughout her pregnancy!!

To bring that round to having a go about something she didn't actually say is just wrong!

I happen to agree that its disgusting to smoke anything while pregnant, but that's not me saying I think that unplanned babies don't deserve to be born!!

I think some people are taking this too personally for no reason, and making up reasons to gripe.

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It's not just what the OP has said I disagree with - its the view that women who smoke during in pregnancy are "vile" and women who are.addicted to drugs should have their babies taken off them? The OP said that women who.smoke weed shouldn't be blessed.with the ability to have kids. She doesn't actually know the woman personally but through her sister so its unfair to judge this woman based on one botched ante natal class. I know if i found I was heavily pregnant is be shocked. She might need help.to give up the smoking. It's just not the sort of thing proper should be judging or not, who.can.and can't have kids.

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No one knows what the women have been through to get there, what their pasts are. I agree that there are some women who really are bad.mothers and don't care, but not everyone who.smokes.or is a.drug.addict falls into this category.

I have personally met and worked.with women who are hysterical because they are so addicted and know he damage they doing but just can't stop and.need.help x

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In response to the last post personally don't agree with women smoking in pregnancy whether it be cigarettes or weed, that's my opinion and then again i also dont agree with any alcohol. If u wanna possibly hurt your baby because of your indulgences then I think that's awful but this is my opinion only . And the OP was only expressing her feelings about the situation. That's all. We are all entitled to our opinion. I never get evolved in disputes on here but just wanted to say this cause I think we are all to quick to jump on someone we just need to think through how we reply to people xx
 
I don't think anyone was jumping on anyone, just expressing opinions/experiences! And it's not always just a case of people indulging in things, addiction isn't that simple! Id have given my right arm to stop drinking wen preg, but t wasnt that simple for me! The thing is, ANYONE can become addicted to anything! It isn't just a case of it's the unfit people that become drug addicts or alcoholics, I know a lot of people who have been highly educated etc that have become addicts!
 
People were jumping at her and getting angry, look back at some of the 'oh I wasn't planned so ur saying I didn't deserve to be born?' Posts. Totally taking what the OP said out of context.

I've never personally had an addiction, but I know a handful of people who were addicted to smoking, and stopped when they got pregnant! All saying their baby's health was more important.
I'm not saying its easy, I'm saying there's help out there for people, and from what the OP said she knows about this woman, she doesn't seem interested.

And in my opinion, smoking during pregnancy is vile. It absolutely disgusts me when I see a pregnant woman smoking. Ur placenta constricts when u smoke, so ur essentially making ur baby hold its breath for the time it takes u to have a cigarette. It also gets covered in tar, so that everything it carries to ur baby has bits of tar on it. If people don't agree with me, that's their opinion, but personally, smoking anything while pregnant is inexcusable!

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Any old excuse to rise a row it seems?!

I think when people are disgusted by people who smile or take drugs or drink during pregnancy its normal. Obv if your in the situation you will see things differently but cmon. If op said she condoned it shed have been jumped on and when she doesn't like people potentially harming their unborn she's jumped on. Can't win.

Also I have read so much about thread hopping and this has happened in girlies room about this thread. This thread should have been reported before now.
 
I think it probably has been reported seeing as princess posted in here before! I don't agree with smoking in pregnancy at all, I gave up as soon as I found out, but the point I was trying to make wasn't that I agreed with her smoking; it was that I disagree with the views that some people shouldn't be blessed with children because of things that they do! And for all we know, she might not actually even be smoking, it could just he that she's saying it because she isn't sure how to react to it all and is a bit freaked out iykwim?
 
And tbh, I'd be pissed if I found out something I'd said to a friend had been passed on to other people and was being use against me on a public forum!
 
It was a simple reminder as to what may be construed as offensive to others.

If the thread continues with a hostile vein then it will be closed :)
 
What bothered me is the having a license to have a baby thing. As someone said, many people don't got the "norm" to be a "good" mother, but people change when their pregnant or when their baby arrives. This woman could completely change her life around when her baby arrives, nobody knows. But she should at least be given the chance and not instantly labelled as a bad mother
 
Fair enough.

And she MAY change but it is BAD mothering to do anything harmful to unborn baby while pregnant in my opinion, there is no excuse. You make your choice and that's it, good or bad but no excuses. I know it doesn't mean they won't change but it would be so much better for baby if mothers could change when they get their bfp. Xx
 
Totally agree with Jules.

In my opinion, I became a mother the second I got my BFP, because my tiny baby is already relying on me to keep it safe.

Maybe she can and will change, no one knows because we don't have a crystal ball. But what we're saying, is how she's supposedly acting now is wrong.

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