Advice - Ongoing argument with OH

[littlemiss83]

Just thought i'd quote this from the website tiny posted a link to regarding still births -


An estimated 29% are caused by problems with the placenta, which can affect the growth of the foetus. Some 12% are linked with infections, 9% with umbilical cord problems and 6% with congenital abnormalities.
But 30% of stillbirths have no obvious cause.
the risk of stillbirth. Smoking and drinking during pregnancy can increase susceptibility, as can being overweight or obese, or having children later in life


And from the second link -

What causes cot death?
A thorough post mortem examination will reveal a specific cause of death in less than half of all cot deaths. Causes may include accidents, infection, congenital abnormality or metabolic disorder

Does it only happen to certain babies?
No, cot death can affect any baby, but certain babies are more at risk, namely premature and low birth-weight babies and boys, and later babies born to mothers who are still young.



There's not too much relating to smoking in the articles, but some interesting info about other risk-factors to babies.

Thanks for posting.

 

[Princess81]

There was a documentary about this a while ago. That's where I heard about the 45 minute rule thing, washing hands and changing clothes. Me and my o/h are non-smokers (I was a social smoker pre pregnancy) o/h detests smoking and has never even tried it. My family are non smokers but both of o/h's parents smoke more than 20 per day each. O/h just tells them straight: do not expect us to bring your grandchild round here when you both smoke. If you want to see him/her you will have to come to our house where you can't smoke". They get the point although I wouldn't really trust them at their house alone with the baby as I think they would smoke anyway - especially his dad
I do tend to agree with your o/h pos and you'll both have to be straight up with your parents about it x

 

[Susanne]

A quote from FSID (Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths):

"A new report, Passive Smoking and Children, was launched by the Tobacco Advisory Group of the Royal College of Physicians (RCP).

The report stated that passive smoking is responsible for 40 sudden infant deaths each year – one in five of all SIDS cases."

I really don't want to upset anyone with this, but pos, I thought it might help persuade your dad!

 

[redbear]

I think hanging out of the window or going outside it will still be on the clothes and hands (untill they wash) so making her walk out of her own flat down the stairs is a bit extream when she has said she will hang out of the window.. All im saying is just because she is stood outside it clings to clothes anyway so there is no way to stop it compleatly without not letting grandma see the baby (wich i don't agree with) Plus i know this sounds horrid but this also means they won't be able to babysit (they can't leave the baby to go outside to smoke) and they may not want you over as much - i don't smoke Hubby has quit and None of our parents do-- but my sister in law does and hangs out the window and i wouldn't have a problem with that. There are tonnes of mums smoking while pregnant and smoking in the house with the baby so the fact that your not having any of that is a big bonus to the baby's health so as long as there is no smoke near the baby and hands are washed i don't see it as a big issue... Its no worse than a friend having a cig before they walk in the door and then picking baby up - it will be on there hands and clothes from there x

xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Tbh pos I won't be worrying about clothes and breath etc as we don't live in that house! We go to visit for an hour/ 2 tops and the chances of the baby being held that long (unless being fed) are small. Parenting is about making your own choices as to what you feel is right for you and Your child x

 

[positivity :)]

My problem is that although Mum will agree to smoke in a different room when baby is round I dont think she will agree to changing her clothes or avoiding the baby 2 hours after a cigarette etc they will just say that is overreacting and I am being pathetic, plus their house stinks of smoke so when you have been round you still come home smelling of smoke even if she has been going in the kitchen.
With their attitude to smoking if I say anything they will just tell me I am being stupid and fall out with me (already been told I am pathetic for avoiding laying on my back in tri 3, as I am taking my MW advise too seriously apparantly!) I just know there will be a huge argument and fall out when the baby is here as they are expecting to have him round at theirs all the time and my OH and me are not happy with it, but I dont like confrontation and wont dare say anything but I know he will.

this is exactly how i feel

 

[positivity :)]

They get the point although I wouldn't really trust them at their house alone with the baby as I think they would smoke anyway - especially his dad
x

yep same, i dont think we will be able to leave him alone with them

xx

 

[positivity :)]

A quote from FSID (Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths):

"A new report, Passive Smoking and Children, was launched by the Tobacco Advisory Group of the Royal College of Physicians (RCP).

The report stated that passive smoking is responsible for 40 sudden infant deaths each year – one in five of all SIDS cases."

I really don't want to upset anyone with this, but pos, I thought it might help persuade your dad!

i will tell them that!! thanks xxx

 

[positivity :)]

thanks everyone xx

 

[Princess81]

Ultimately pos, it's a subject that will always cause a lot of debate, ultimate choice is you guys, if you are both of the same opinion and know clearly what you want then you will have to tell the grandparents to be the way it is. They might take it well, or they might not baby is yours though, not theirs and baby's rights alongside yours are paramount, grandparents come further down the line - I'm just glad I have o/h to do the dirty work as he doesn't hold back xx

 

[Olive]

Hope you're ok hun. A bit of a dilemma! I can see where your OH is coming from. It's a tricky subject. You just have to follow your heart and do what you think is best for your lo.

I do think it would be a bit difficult to ask someone not to smoke in their own home though, although fair enough it would be considerate of them to not smoke when you're over with the baby.

Hope you manage to get it sorted. Wish I had better advice!

xxxx

 

[Princess81]

Yeh it's difficult to tell people not to smoke in their own home, they have every right obviously
As I said I'm so glad o/h has no qualms with this sort of thing

 

[positivity :)]

no my OH is sooo against it and he won't worry about falling out with people over it which i know is probably the right thing to do, thanks for your advice ladies xx

 

[Piglet10]

my parents and DH smokes, i was a PSYCHO bout people smoking round me when preg as it can cross over placenta and damage babies breathing :/ , also when i had madison my parents smoke outside (go into their car in the snow) and i never let anyone be near or hold madison if theyve smoked in half an hour and i always made them use sanitizer (yes i may be ocd but my child doesnt smoke so y shud she suffer from it)

i think ur oh is perfectly in his rights and anyone who wants to spend time with ur lo will respect ur wishes xxx