neighbour dosent want her baby :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by littlelaura, Feb 25, 2012.

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  1. littlelaura

    littlelaura Well-Known Member

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    one of my next door neighbours have just recently found out shes heavy pregnant, she went to her first atenatal class and moan about all the parents smiling and being happy...she refused to do the class and would rather smoke (not just normal ciggerttes)
    while me and my OH are trying our very best to conceive

    i honestly belive women like this shouldnt be blessed with the ablitity to even have chidren its really not fair!!!!! :wall2:
     
  2. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    Ugh that's so sickening!
    You need a license to have a dog, but any dipshit can have a baby. Its so unfair :( x

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  3. Sleepy sue

    Sleepy sue Well-Known Member

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    As controversial as it sounds I do think there should be laws surrounding having children, kind of like a license.

    I don't think it's fair on children to be bought into the world unloved, I'm not a fan of a nanny state but sometimes a strong welfare state system is needed to protect even before conception.

    Xxx
     
  4. Levi89

    Levi89 Well-Known Member

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    Without meaning to cause any arguements - How do you know the baby will be unloved? I have moaned all the way through my pregnancy, we planned to have the child though. But I honestly hate being pregnant but thankful that something good comes from it.

    Also the smoking part - I'm shocked at tbh. Its not even just 'normal' cigs, but at the end of the day it might be her way of coping with it? xx
     
  5. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    You can't really defend it by saying 'maybe its just her way of coping with it' because its a disgrace, and totally unacceptable in my book.

    I think even people who smoke regular cigs while pregnant are vile.
    But saying its just her way of coping is a bit of a cop out and a lame excuse.

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  6. Froslass

    Froslass Well-Known Member

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    I understand where you're coming from Hun xx

    But babies can bring out the best in people and maybe she'll make a good mum. If she's uneducated she might not realise the risk to herr baby by smoking. ,aye she's trying to wean herself off xx a lot can go on behind closed doors and seeing her at one antenatal class moaning isn't much to go by. She could be depressed, having a bad time and just needs help to quit s,owing as addicts do.

    It's a t harsh to say she shouldn't be blessed with he ability to have kids - although I understand your frustration and why you feel this way.

    Don't think I agree with having licenses for babies...Before we had our LO there was no way we'd have passed for decent parents. We had no income, no house, and both at uni and drank waaaay to much. But this doesn't mean we haven't changed and are crap parents.

    Yes there are babies born to parents who don't care, and it's so so unfair - but finding out so late in pregnancy (you mentioned she was heavily pregnant?) must be a bit of a shock to the system. I don't agree with the smoking just to be clear.
     
  7. littlelaura

    littlelaura Well-Known Member

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    she didnt plan on it and shes not keen on having it either
    she still up to her old tricks
    i think although some things cant be helped as not everything is 100%
    i do think there should be a prosess on wether the women get to be a mother
    also on the same token i think it should be a little easier to adopt because so many people are so deserving and others have kids just so they aint bored

    it all comes down to peoples right ... a baby is a person but some evil people take away thier rights before they even get a chance! x
     
  8. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    ooh this is a really tricky one. I don't agree with smoking in pregnancy, but some people find it harder to give up than others even with the baby incentive. She may be dealing with the shock of finding out shes pregnant, and could be in denial about it, and depressed, esp as she found out when heavily pregnant, no time, no warning! (not everyone just reaches for chocolate like me, when under pressure)

    The midwifes will be working on this with her hopefully, we cannot change everyone.

    Fingers crossed the mum works it out, and you never know , this baby could be the making of her
     
  9. starstruck2011

    starstruck2011 Well-Known Member

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    maybe shes pre nataly depressed? Maybe unable to cope. been there done that :(
    She probably needs to speak to someone or hasnt realised the real life situation shes in and hasn't accepted it yet?
     
  10. FerretloverUK

    FerretloverUK Well-Known Member

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    aw hun, it must be upsetting to hear, especially when you want a little one so much. We have been there as we tried for 3 years and there have been lots of babies being born in the family and friends and it was upsetting enough even though they wanted them.

    However, the worst experience I had is of working in Custody as a Detention Officer a couple of Prostitutes that were Heroin dependent and heavily pregnant. They were arrested for selling themselves on the streets!!! Really annoyed me as they were still using heroin and openly voiced that they didnt want the babies! People like this should have the babies taken off them and then the women sterilised so they cant put any more lives at risk
     
  11. littlelaura

    littlelaura Well-Known Member

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    o my lord ... speechless how people actully lead such lives its so sad xx
     
  12. tambo1976

    tambo1976 Well-Known Member

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    I was a wild tearaway, heavy smoking 16 year old when I got pregnant with my first son (18 yrs ago, damn that makes me feel old!) and I hand on heart swear that the very second I got my positive pregnancy test I threw my fags in the bin and not one more touched my lips the whole duration of my pregnancy. How dare anybody pump smoke into a little growing human who has no choice on the matter! Seeing a pregnant woman puffing a fag makes me feel sick!

    However I never stopped craving them and after my c section the first thing I did was beg to be wheeled outside for a puff lol, but still by that time I felt I deserved it (damn I sound awful lol)

    I went on to have 2 more children and I have quit smoking instantly with all 3 pregnancies, sadly I am still a smoker :(

    Tbh this girl sounds very selfish, more so if she is smoking wacky backy, she is doing untold damage to herself and the poor mite inside her and I would probably be inclined to tell her what I think of her to her face. Some people just need to be shown the error of there ways and sometimes humiliation can do the trick. I mean can you imagine someone actually telling you that they think you are disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself? It can be a harsh reality check for alot of people and as I am quite an outspoken person I have used this tactic throughout my life and generally it has had the impact I so desired lol. Having 3 children 18, 15 and 11 I have had many of the "do you know how ridiculous you look/sound right now?" conversations with them lol.

    If she carried on blatantly smoking drugs while pregnant I would probably go as far as informing the social services, if all she needs is a little guidance then they are the people to give her the help she obviously needs.
     
    #12 tambo1976, Feb 27, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2012
  13. Froslass

    Froslass Well-Known Member

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    I really don t think sits fair to be judging this woman based on few facts xx
     
  14. Froslass

    Froslass Well-Known Member

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    Wouldn't you want to try and help her instead? Maybe she just needs a push in the right direction? Maybe she hasn't a clue the damage she's doing?

    I've watched a few documentaries on smoking in pregnancy, and a lot of people think that because their mums and grandmothers did it it's ok - when it's not.

    It does not mean she's selfish, she's maybe very very scared. Maybe in denial?

    Not wanting to cause an argument, just trying to balance it out a bit.
     
  15. pregpixie76

    pregpixie76 Well-Known Member

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    not everyone bonds with a baby during pregnancy and this woman or girl might feel differently when the baby is here or she might put it up for adoption.
    i have to say tho just because someone desperately wants a child it doesn't mean they are going to be good parents. a biological need doesn't add up to great parenting skills or factor in post natal depression.
    i know it might not seem fair to u she is preg and doesn't yet seem interested,but she might work things out in time and with support.
     
  16. littlelaura

    littlelaura Well-Known Member

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    just to be clear my sister in law is best friends with her and she come home and tells us the going ons

    some people dont want to be helped or told or what ever

    they belive what there doing is acceptable and as harsh as it is

    thats just life

    and how shes coping and all the rest of it has nothing to do with whats she should be doing and whats right for the baby

    as much as i respect everyones opinion and realise no1s perfect

    i still do not understand the workings of some human beings i just dont think theres a perfect reason to be doing it in the first place pregnant or not i spose x
     
  17. Me, My Girls & I

    Me, My Girls & I Well-Known Member

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    I think it's a tricky one, we can't really judge her, or anyone else on their actions, cos deep down noone knows what's going on in someone elses head! Sounds to me like she's addicted to weed (I'm assuming that's what she's smoking) and addictions are hard to give up! I tried for my first for 9 months, I gave up smoking instantly, but couldn't give up drinking :( I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't do it! Addiction is a very hard thing!

    And as for saying she doesn't want the baby, I can understand her on that one too, my 2nd was a surprise baby and I was genuinely considering adoption! I was in shock big time and just couldn't get my head around it! If she found out late, which is what im assuming from what you've said, chances are she's still in denial! It doesn't mean that she's going to be a bad parent by any means tho! I might not have had ideal pregnancies, but I would lay down my life for my babies without a split second yhought!

    I don't think we can assume Shes going to be a bad parent, or that shes unworthy, cos babies have this amazing ability to turn lives around! I genuinely believe I owe my life to my girls, in fact, I know I do, thanks to a few choice words from my consultant at the hospital! Doesnt mean I shouldn't have had them tho...
     
  18. Froslass

    Froslass Well-Known Member

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    This is what I was trying to say x but you put it so much better Xxx


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  19. Doodles

    Doodles Well-Known Member

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    Ok I'm going to stick my neck out here & asdmit I smoked during my pregnancey with Doodles, I also had the odd drink. I'm not proud of it if I could change what I did then I would, in an instant. But that doesn't mean I didn't love my baby, I was having a tough time with depression & the fact that within 4months I'd gone from living at home and having bugger all responsibilites to suddenly being engaged, with a bay inside me & living with a man for the first time not to mention being back & forth to hospital because I was so ill that at one point I couldn't walk unaided. I stopped smoking around month 5 & was doing really well, until I was around 30weeks & got told my waters had gone & I'd contracted an infection & they were probably going to do a c-section, which they did at 33weeks. At that point panick kicked in and I grabbed a ciggarette. At one point, I was so depressed I contemplated throwing myself down the stairs for a split second, the thoughts that whent through my head while I was pregnant & for about a year after my DS was born were horrific & terrifying until I was on the verge of leaving.

    But the SECOND I saw him, I vowed I was not going to smoke again & polute his milk, the only time I broke that vow was when my mother handed me a fag because I was having a panick attack, convinced the hospital was burning down whie my baby was inside (there was a false alarm & 3 fire engines). I didn't touch another ciggarette until last summer when I was having a bad time with depression & family matters.

    To be honest to the outside world, I'm probably a shit mum, but my husband & my family know without a doubt I would lay down my life for my son, and any child that we would be blessed to have. So please don't judge people that you think are undeserving, because some of those are the ones that need your help the most x
     
  20. netty

    netty Well-Known Member

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    doodles :hugs:

    the main issue here as it seems is the weed, people who get pregnant by accident certainly do deserve thir children many women come around evenm if its not something they ever expected

    my mum fell pregnant with me at 19 and kept me a secret for 8 months due to peoples opinions that ''its an accident omg gossip gossip'' so....i didnt deserve to be born then is that right

    i was NTNP when i fell pregnant, then I mc, does that mean i deserved it because I wasnt actively trying?

    i vote this thread to be shut down, laws on people having kids where the F are we china?
     
    #20 netty, Feb 28, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2012
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